To not see this as a problem?

[Namechangetimes100]

Dd is 2 and in nursery. She has a v rare name, never ever heard any other child with it. Funnily enough DDs best friend at nursery, same age same name. Couldn’t make it up, they walk around the nursery holding hands and are often in the corner having ‘chin wags’ together (nursery staff have said). Her mum is lovely too, we’ve become friends…

Anyway to the aibu..

Told my mother this on the phone and she started to get weird. The girls like to play together at nursery so according to the staff often call for each other by using their full names, e.g. Isabella smith come play please (not their names I’m aware Isabella isn’t a rare name, it’s just an example) and then the other will call back ‘ok Isabella George, I’m coming’. I found this the sweetest. Mother dearest not so much and said ‘oh that’s not good at all is it, I’d be putting a stop to that pronto’

I asked her what the problem with that was and she said, don’t pretend you don’t know and then hung up…
I’m severely LC with DM due to constant comments that are sly put downs, especially around parenting.

This is another one of those right? Or am i BU and overreacting?

@Namechangetimes100

Exactly, the girls have heard the staff and copied it, i think developmentally it’s quite good as it means they both know their full names.

My sneaking suspicion is that it’s a ‘foreign’ name (it’s a rarish Arabic name) DM is white british although DD is mixed race she’s white passing and the fact there’s another little girl with her name means she’s cultivated a friendship with a child’s who’s not white. DD also has a ‘non British’ surname so she’s probably triggered by that.

Every conversation there is some sort of ‘oh that’s not good’ or just an ‘oh’… another was she only knows 2 ‘correct’ species of Dinosaurs (raptor and T. rex) the others she calls the names from land before time and Jurassic world camp something or other

God that wouldn't have crossed my mind. What a vile viewpoint, I'd be having none of that crap. They sound very sweet!

Your mum sounds like the type who wants to be centre of attention and can't bear others being happy and the attention being off her. I can bet she prefers talking about herself and her friends and you listening.

It's pretty common at school for children in the same class to be differentiated by their surname in this way. My children call them by their full names as a result.

She's reading way too into it. It's just what they do so the children don't get confused.

With the same name* obviously

Sounds like it might be the race thing or it might just be a case of bonkers people being bonkers.

Some girls from DD’s school were pictured in the national press a while ago having won a “girls in STEM” award and my mother was similarly negative about it all. When I asked her the issue she said “it’s obvious, don’t act like you don’t know” etc, just like yours.

Turned out her objection was to the fact that one of the girls was overweight and therefore “made the school look bad” and I was apparently pretending not to see this in order to be “woke”. Honestly, I could have guessed all day what was bothering her without coming up with that absolute bollocks. Life is too short.

@Mistyplanet

Your mum sounds like the type who wants to be centre of attention and can't bear others being happy and the attention being off her. I can bet she prefers talking about herself and her friends and you listening.

You must know her! Haha

@Bosephine

Sounds like it might be the race thing or it might just be a case of bonkers people being bonkers.

Some girls from DD’s school were pictured in the national press a while ago having won a “girls in STEM” award and my mother was similarly negative about it all. When I asked her the issue she said “it’s obvious, don’t act like you don’t know” etc, just like yours.

Turned out her objection was to the fact that one of the girls was overweight and therefore “made the school look bad” and I was apparently pretending not to see this in order to be “woke”. Honestly, I could have guessed all day what was bothering her without coming up with that absolute bollocks. Life is too short.

If I had a sister I’d have thought we were related!

My mother did the same thing at my wedding. Classic groomsmen escorting bridesmaids down the aisle. For symmetry dh and I went with DH sister and by brother together, last minute after I’d walked down the aisle my mother had swapped everyone around as DH sister was too fat and would make my brother look bad. DB is a vile person (only groomsman to make my late DF happy) and no oil painting himself

@Namechangetimes100

Exactly, the girls have heard the staff and copied it, i think developmentally it’s quite good as it means they both know their full names.

My sneaking suspicion is that it’s a ‘foreign’ name (it’s a rarish Arabic name) DM is white british although DD is mixed race she’s white passing and the fact there’s another little girl with her name means she’s cultivated a friendship with a child’s who’s not white. DD also has a ‘non British’ surname so she’s probably triggered by that.

Every conversation there is some sort of ‘oh that’s not good’ or just an ‘oh’… another was she only knows 2 ‘correct’ species of Dinosaurs (raptor and T. rex) the others she calls the names from land before time and Jurassic world camp something or other

Too bad for your mother then. How sad that she would have a problem with the colour of yours child's friends.

@ShinyMe I forget how funny and lovely teenage boys can be sometimes!

Your mother is a nasty racist.
Dh was at school with a boy with the same first name and same surname, they were cousins. The teacher referred to them as Matthew Jones Southgate & Matthew Jones Rogerton. Southgate and Rogerton being the names of the primary schools they had attended.
My dh is unscathed by this terrible affliction, it has not damaged him in any way.

Nothing to add apart from agreeing with everyone that your mum is batshit obvs

But my DD also has an unusual name and has immediately buddied up with the new girl who also has the same name! So much for choosing something unique!!

Love the Matthews

[quote Namechangetimes100]@NeesAndToes, I’ve just asked her what the problem is so ‘I can speak to nursery staff’ 😉… she’s blue ticked me[/quote]
Nice way to do it

@Namechangetimes100

We’ve got a reply…

… mentioning surnames in a nursery context is inappropriate, too formal and not very welcoming for young children and it’s sad that they’ve picked up on it, shows they aren’t cared for

Okaaay...

My mum is like that. I spent my entire young life trying to please her and it was impossible. I think the final straw was when I told her a series of happy updates/accomplishments and she found fault with all of them, and then mentioned I'd been in hospital with a kidney infection, and she just sighed and said, 'Why do you always tell such sad stories?'

There's nothing wrong, only your DM's insistence on finding something. I'd just try and see it as a pattern of behaviour rather than an actual probem.

Sounds like she doesn't approve of nursery and is looking for any excuse to find fault. Does she think women should stay home same raise children?

My immediate thought was that it wasn't about the same names but about the ethnicity of the other girl.

She is nuts… ignore ignore ignore

By far the most depressing thing about this forum is finding how many dickhead mothers posters have. Mine wasn’t/isn’t perfect but she’d never try to start a fight over nothing.

There two girls in DSs class called *Maria. One is Maria Evans-Whittling and one is Maria Wilkins-Baker. Even in year 2 the kids have a tendency to full name the girls to their faces "Maria Evans-Whittling will you be my partner" etc, doesn't seem to bother the girls.

Sounds like your mother isetting her racism seep out, I'd reconsider the LC

Do the same back. Oh, ',I wouldn't be doing that'. Talk crackers back maybe sense will come about hahaha.

@Namechangetimes100

More update … ‘if they want to tell them apart the staff should refer to them by first name and then middle name surname is cold and inappropriate’

What happens if other child doesn’t have a middle name, well she gets to be her the plain name and my child gets the hyphenated name…

Ffs

Ah, they should use your white name not Dad's foreign name.

It's very common for children with the same first name in the same class are called by their full name.

Yep, I've had a letter/card written by ds that he signed firstname surname.

Also got used to yelling down school field, firstname surname come here....otherwise you'd end up with about 10 boys named firstname. (Of all the kids that went to the far end of the field at hometime about 50% had the same name)

Hundreds of years ago there were SEVEN Janets in my class we were all called by our first and last times to differenciate. (Poor teacher, there were also 3 sets of identical twins, one of whom was a Janet)

Do you or your DD benefit in any way from this relationship? Maybe time to go NC.