to not want my DH at my birthday party

[ParisLondonTokyoSlough]

It's my birthday coming up - just a standard one (not a milestone). I just want a girls night and don't want my husband there or any of their husbands/partners. After being stuck in a man/boy house all this pandemic, I only like the company of my female friends and family members to be honest. Hanging out socially with my husband feels like a chore and changes the dynamic of all-female gatherings. And I want to actually have a fun birthday this year (after not celebrating the past 3 years (including my 30th) due to being in labour on my 30th and covid the past 2 years.

Would this be weird? Would you think it's strange if you were invited to a friends birthday and her husband wasn't there and she said no (male) partners allowed?

YABU - yes it's weird, your DH should be there and husbands should be welcome
YANBU - no it's completely fine, men are boring

He self describes himself as a "force of nature" who needs someone strong to keep him in check.

What a dick.

That bit needs attention.

Read the thread. She knows.

The longer this thread goes on, the more of a stinker he sounds.

He's had a lot of practice at squashing your personality, hasn't he. He hasn't succeeded - you're still in touch with the person you are supposed to be, someone who laughs and celebrates and is spontaneous and adventurous. I think you should take your Mum's advice and look at the Freedom programme, with a view to extricating yourself from the marriage. He's had enough of the best years of your life

It sounds as though you've forgotten why you got together in the first place. Why did you like him enough to go out with him. What did you like about him that made you marry him? It's easy to lose all of that when you've got kids but maybe starting by remembering what you used to like about each other and what you used to do together might help instead on concentrating on the day to day hassle might help.

[quote REignbow]@ParisLondonTokyoSlough the fact that your own has sent you links to the freedom programme speaks volumes.

Coercive control is a crime. The fact that you don’t bother to go out because of his moods or he constantly calls/texts you when you are out is controlling.[/quote]
This.

You are still ignoring red flags.

He sounds like a horror.

There was a thread a few days ago about a husband who wanted to celebrate his 30th birthday without his DW. Poor bugger got roasted. Just saying.

The opposite of love isn't hatred. It's indifference. Sounds like that's where you are.

@JimmyDurham If you read the thread, that was already referred to by Bananarama21, and several people have pointed out that is / was an entirely different set of circumstances.