What is your biggest regret in life?

[Teadrinker11]

At 26, I know I'm still at an age where I'm somewhat young enough to make good decisions to prevent more regret in the future, but I still do regret a lot. I've wasted so much money on things I didn't need, I neglected my health for so long, it's taken me to 26 to somewhat have my life together. I'm studying law and love it, but hate how I spent so much time after school messing around wasting my life. I didn't go to college straight after school like so many of my classmates did and I still pine over the years I lost, when people in their early 20s are having the time of their lives. What is your biggest regret?

An abortion at 24. My already shaky mental health spiralled into self destructive behaviour that nearly destroyed me for the best part of the next decade. Im not exaggerating when I say I was lucky to come out of it alive.

I don't think I can allow myself to dwell on regrets. For one thing if I started I'd never finish and for another there's a self pitying element (for me) in it that it would be so so easy to indulge. That way madness lies.

For my own sanity I have to try and focus on what's good, the things I'm lucky to have, like my health, my house, my kids. The loving upbringing I had. I make enough money to live on (just about).

This thread is very moving & makes me feel very lucky really. Sending to so many of you here.

OP I say kudos to you for recognising what you want & perhaps more importantly, what you don't want at this stage in your life.

However, I'm 47 now & life hasn't turned out in any of the ways I thought it would & I haven't achieved the things I originally (thought I) wanted.
I do not think of them as regrets or having missed out but more of 'what might have beens' if that makes sense?

There are numerous things that happened over the years that I've had very little direct control over (children with complex health conditions/needs, redundancy that meant my husband's career moved us away from everyone we knew & loved..) I'm a great believer in trying to keep moving forward & making the best decisions with the info I/we have at the time.

What I'm clumsily trying to get across is that the person you are at any given stage of your life isn't necessarily the person you will remain. Therefore your choices are made on the basis of where you are at that point in time?

I don't want that to come across as smug in anyway & I do recognise for those who have been through horrific abuse/neglect/trauma, many decisions & control were taken from you.

I hope as more years pass you will find serenity.

@TopSec I'm so glad you joined to share that wonderful post.

Not picking better friends.

Wish I had had my kids younger. Not much younger. I had mine age 38 and 43. Wish I had had the first 34/35 so certainly not in my 20's. But it's not so much a regret as I would not have the children I have.

As sad as some stories are, it’s so refreshing to read such honest accounts. There are so many I can relate to - I wish I knew you all in real life! I don’t know many people IRL who admit similar regrets.

I’m so sorry for your losses, you sound such an inspiring person with a fantastic attitude! And what wonderful friends your son had.

I love my children so much but there are times I wish I hadn't had them. I doubt my parenting all the time and whether I'm doing enough, I feel so trapped and alone. I struggle to keep myself going everyday. Sometimes I want to curl up, go to sleep and not wake up.

Getting married
Wasting a second of my youth worrying about getting old - getting old is a privilege and much more of a fascinating challenge than being young

The classic ones:

• not living up to my potential in career terms (but in the dream career, would I now be burnt out and longing to escape?)
• having a DC with the Wrong Man (but the DC in question is the Right Child and my life would be poorer without her).

I mostly did my best with the information available to me at the time and I do actually like my life. I just have to be careful about spending too much time on Facebook looking at the lives of some of my contemporaries and brooding about all the better choices they seem to have made.

Social media doesn't help matters as people only put up the best things ( generally speaking )
I tend to ignore it as I know that people are having stresses and strains the same as everyone else. Nobodies life is totally perfect.
Everyone has regrets at times , it's only natural to have these thoughts.

Not learning to drive and not travelling abroad as much as I'd have liked.

Spending too many years in a job with nasty, bitchy people. Putting up with it and carrying on. Didn't do my mental health any good.

I regret not getting a degree. I could have, but I didn't want to, so I went straight into work after my A-Levels. I'm now 40 and recently finally realised what career I might like to do. But it all feels too late and too long a road to go down now (teaching). I wish I could travel back to 1999 and have a word with myself.

Not marrying my DH sooner. I kept him waiting for years while I dicked around, wondering if we were right for each other. I should have valued his loyalty more.

@PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck

I regret not getting a degree. I could have, but I didn't want to, so I went straight into work after my A-Levels. I'm now 40 and recently finally realised what career I might like to do. But it all feels too late and too long a road to go down now (teaching). I wish I could travel back to 1999 and have a word with myself.

It’s not too late. You’ve got nearly 30 more years at work ahead of you - that’s more than you’ve already done.

Not stopping smoking sooner. Bad boyfriends I should have bypassed.

I don't have many regrets. But I do wish I'd bought a house when I was in my 20s. Friends who did are in mansions now! I wish I'd never smoked, but did manage to give up years ago. Apart from that I've had some awful relationships but don't regret any of them, because without all of that experience I'd never have really appreciated how much I love being on my own!

Wish I'd snogged Henry. He was one hell of a knee trembler but I only kissed him on the cheek.

Someone once asked if I'd overheard their conversation from another room, and I said I had (for some reason) but I hadn't and I always still wonder what was said. Why didn't I just say I hadnt heard? 🤣

Doing a music degree. It was fun but it's a shit degree to have and I will be a low ish earner forever. Wish I had done a science or something vocational

@PrincessConsuelaBananahamm0ck it's not too late! I did an Access course at 48 then went on to do a degree and graduated at 52! I now have the job I wanted for 10+ years. Go for it!

@Teadrinker11

At 26, I know I'm still at an age where I'm somewhat young enough to make good decisions to prevent more regret in the future, but I still do regret a lot. I've wasted so much money on things I didn't need, I neglected my health for so long, it's taken me to 26 to somewhat have my life together. I'm studying law and love it, but hate how I spent so much time after school messing around wasting my life. I didn't go to college straight after school like so many of my classmates did and I still pine over the years I lost, when people in their early 20s are having the time of their lives. What is your biggest regret?

There not wasted years if they help you find the right path. I have just started a degree for a new career at 39!

I enjoy my current line of work, it has served me well until now, but it isnt one to work around school age kids or retire on!

Wasting time chasing boys, when I was young, who didn't care about me.
Spending my high school years with 'friends' who never stood up to the bullies when I was defenseless.
Not buying those cheap-as-chips flights to St Petersburg a few years ago. It would have been an extremely long day as we would've had less than 24 hours in Russia, but looking back now, I wish we'd have just gone for it! Especially as we've now not left the country for 3 years due to Covid, being pregnant and having our baby.