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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH picked up DD after a pint

84 replies

Yolo89 · 12/02/2022 20:04

Exactly that. DD does gymnastics and DH was keen to pick her up at 12.30 today.

When he got home I heard him in deep sleep, snoring. I thought this is weird so asked if he'd been to the pub and he says yes. A pint before picking up. Then he kept falling asleep saying he didn't sleep last night - he doesn't live here at the moment .

Drinking during the day with children is unacceptable and falling asleep.

He has a drinking issue but this day drinking is a new low. He does not live here. What on earth do I do in terms of restrictions on DD?

He just gets angry if I mention the pint.

I'd like to know what options practically I have to stop this.

OP posts:

Retisestress · 12/02/2022 20:06

If he is a regular drinker just one pint wouldn’t leave him snoring on the sofa!

Bairnsmum05 · 12/02/2022 20:07

One pint in Scotland and you're over the limit to drive.

Crimesean · 12/02/2022 20:09

Yeah it was more than a single pint - I'm sorry OP

millymolls · 12/02/2022 20:09

One pint?
What sort of drink issue ?
I mean if it’s genuinely one pint this is a massive over reaction

How often does he drink and how much ?

Theunamedcat · 12/02/2022 20:10

Kick him out and report him for drink driving?

MaizeAmaze · 12/02/2022 20:10

Deep sleep from alcohol almost certainly means not fit to drive.

Aimee1987 · 12/02/2022 20:10

When you say picked up do you mean by car or walking? When he leaves if you think hes over the limit call the police and tell them he has been drinking and driving with a minor in the car. Get his lisence plate number. They may be able to do something ( not sure of police resources at the moment)
Also as @retisestress said 1 drinking wouldn't cause a regular drinker to be falling asleep.

SantaHat · 12/02/2022 20:11

Yeah bollox is he fast asleep from only one pint.
But numbers of pints aside, he blatantly drove your child whilst drunk.
For me, that is an absolute deal breaker. Totally unforgivable.

Bairnsmum05 · 12/02/2022 20:11

@millymolls not an over reaction if driving, it's illegal.

IJoinedJustForThisThread · 12/02/2022 20:12

A pint of what? If he is a regular drinker, a pint of beer wouldn’t make him that sleepy

1FootInTheRave · 12/02/2022 20:12

Are you sure it was 1 pint?

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 12/02/2022 20:12

Most people are fully capable of looking after a child after one pint. And not falling asleep.
Most people are able to wait until after lunch for a pint though...

Hobbes8 · 12/02/2022 20:16

Was he driving? I’ll confess to dropping my child at the school disco, popping round to the pub for an hour and a half with some other parents and then being a bit tipsy when picking him up again, but a) I wasn’t driving, b) I wasn’t asleep and c) it was 8pm not 12.30.

It’s also not great behaviour if you’re in the middle of custody issues, which it sounds like you might be.

It’s far from ideal, but I think the only reportable thing is probably drink driving.

SuPerDoPer · 12/02/2022 20:22

I also am not adverse to a pint at lunchtime and I am a more than capable parent. Plus one pint of medium strength lager would not put you over the drink drive limit. But clearly there is a lot more going on here and if this man has an alcohol problem then there needs to be some boundaries established. That may include no contact if ge can't be trusted to make good decisions.

adriftabroad · 12/02/2022 20:23

He had a hangover from last night and had a sharpner, picked up DD and slept it off. (His Friday night)

If he drove, not acceptable, but I would not be calling the police I don't think.

We need more facts to judge really, also you don't really know the truth either.

SuPerDoPer · 12/02/2022 20:24

In terms of practical issues you may need to refer yourselves to social services if your child is being cared for regularly by a substance abuser - before someone else does.

SukiPook · 12/02/2022 20:24

Not great... if he was driving for instance... it's not the 80s! My dad used to leave us in the car regularly while he popped in for "Just one pint"... it was never one!

ThirdElephant · 12/02/2022 20:26

My DF always fell asleep on the sofa mid-afternoon on the weekend because he went to bed in the wee hours on Friday and Saturday nights, and he's teetotal. Are you sure the sleeping and the drinking were related?

BurntO · 12/02/2022 20:27

Sounds like he had more than one. I like a drink but I still won’t touch one if I know I’m picking the kids up because what’s the point? We all know it alters your judgements, so while 1 may be legal, why would you when it is 100% avoidable? Baffling.

I don’t know what you do OP. I wouldn’t let her drive her anywhere and see how it plays out over the next few months.

WomblingWilma · 12/02/2022 20:37

Well ‘pint’ aside I wouldn’t be happy for someone to drive my DC if they’re tired enough to fall asleep in the day when they got back. If you know he has a drinking problem, it’s unlikely he had one pint or at least was up drinking last night and could still have had alcohol from that in his system which is probably why he’s sleeping in the day.

There’s no way someone with a known drinking problem would be driving my DC at any time of the day.

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 12/02/2022 20:42

So he didn't sleep well had one pint which is probably not over the limit picked up dd and sat on sofa and fell asleep I don't see any issues at all however if he had more then 1 pint it would be

kittensinthekitchen · 12/02/2022 20:46

Since the OP hasn't come back yet, I did an advanced search for more information.

The husband (not so dear, or darling) doesn't seem to drive, so was likely picking up on foot.

However, this drinking and generally being a crap husband thing has been going on for years.

OP how much more are you and your children going to put up with? He moved out temporarily a long time ago. Do you need support to leave him?

TracyMosby · 12/02/2022 20:48

Not living with you ‘at the moment’ should really be gone for good. He is an alcoholic who cannot put the safety of his child before drink. You cannot rely on him at all.

T00Ts · 12/02/2022 20:54

So how much did he really drink?

Pumpfive · 12/02/2022 20:59

1 pint is fine IMO. But there's obviously bigger issues here.

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