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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH picked up DD after a pint

84 replies

Yolo89 · 12/02/2022 20:04

Exactly that. DD does gymnastics and DH was keen to pick her up at 12.30 today.

When he got home I heard him in deep sleep, snoring. I thought this is weird so asked if he'd been to the pub and he says yes. A pint before picking up. Then he kept falling asleep saying he didn't sleep last night - he doesn't live here at the moment .

Drinking during the day with children is unacceptable and falling asleep.

He has a drinking issue but this day drinking is a new low. He does not live here. What on earth do I do in terms of restrictions on DD?

He just gets angry if I mention the pint.

I'd like to know what options practically I have to stop this.

OP posts:
TracyMosby · 12/02/2022 21:01

@Pumpfive

1 pint is fine IMO. But there's obviously bigger issues here.
1 pint doesnt have a fully grown adult man asleep on the sofa in the day.
arethereanyleftatall · 12/02/2022 21:03

Doesn't it depend how old the dd is?

4 yo and yup, probably shouldn't be in a deep sleep. 13 yo? Of course you can have a sleep.

Doesn't it depend if 1 pint puts you over the limit or not? Does it?

arethereanyleftatall · 12/02/2022 21:04

@TracyMosby
The op said he'd said he didn't sleep last night. So that could be why he was sleeping, nothing to do with the alcohol. We don't know.

PickledOnionSandwich · 12/02/2022 21:04

If it really was only one pint then there’s no problem and you’re over-reacting.

DDivaStar · 12/02/2022 21:06

His story is perfectly plausible. My H will fall asleep at the drop of a hat.

It sounds like there's more to this. I think you have to be careful accusing him if you don't know the facts.

Pumpfive · 12/02/2022 21:10

@TracyMosby I understand that 1 pint doesn't do that. But I read the op who said the husband had not slept well the night before. I've been known to fall asleep after a bad night's sleep

kateg27 · 12/02/2022 21:12

1 pint would put hardly anybody over the limit, certainly not a regular drinker.
It would also not been seen as a safeguarding issue sorry

Nowayoutonlydown · 12/02/2022 21:12

I wouldn't see an issue with 1 pint and picking up DD, I would however if it was more.

If he's got a drinking problem, 1 pint wouldn't have put him to sleep. So yes I'd have a problem there.

TracyMosby · 12/02/2022 21:12

The op said the alcoholic husband who she is currently not living with said he didnt sleep the night before when questioned about sleeping whilst being in charge of a child. Im not sure we should be taking that as accurate.

T00Ts · 12/02/2022 21:20

I’m sure some posters are well meaning but…

When an alcoholic falls asleep on the sofa in the middle of the day and confesses to having drunk one pint… yeah, you don’t believe them. Because it’s likely bullshit.

Glitterygreen · 12/02/2022 21:26

If he doesn't live with you, what is he doing in your house when you got home?

My reaction would completely depend on whether he was driving or not. If he was driving, then no way would he be picking her up again.

Pumpfive · 12/02/2022 21:28

@T00Ts

I’m sure some posters are well meaning but…

When an alcoholic falls asleep on the sofa in the middle of the day and confesses to having drunk one pint… yeah, you don’t believe them. Because it’s likely bullshit.

I get what you're saying. I have, unfortunately, had experience with alcoholics. But from the op saying 'drinking problem' I've decided not to jump to conclusions. When op comes back to answer more questions then it'll be easier to make more suggestions. As it stands, I agree that 1 pint is fine.
GeneLovesJezebel · 12/02/2022 21:29

I would have a problem with my DH having a pint then driving.

WonderfulYou · 12/02/2022 21:36

He has a drinking issue

Having a pint is a non- issue.
But having a drinking issue and then having to go to a pub before picking up his child is a massive issue.

Why was he at your house?

From now on I would have him pick her up from yours so you can see if he’s been drinking and then he stay with her until he drops her home to you.

BigFatLiar · 12/02/2022 21:36

@GeneLovesJezebel

I would have a problem with my DH having a pint then driving.
Me too but someone has said that the husband doesn't drive so he'd be on foot.

Shall we agree that people who drink shouldn't be looking after children? (Sorry to say that I sometimes had a drink when the kids were around)

kittensinthekitchen · 12/02/2022 21:36

@kateg27

1 pint would put hardly anybody over the limit, certainly not a regular drinker. It would also not been seen as a safeguarding issue sorry
Well, surely that depends on what the limit is Confused
SantaHat · 12/02/2022 21:41

I’m just looking at your other posts. It’s genuinely difficult reading. You’ve had 4 years of posting about his drinking problems and the absolute mess that is your relationship. Your poor children in the middle of this. I beg you to seek expert advice and do what you can to protect your children from this dumpster fire.

BoodleBug51 · 12/02/2022 21:43

If he was in a deep sleep, what would have happened if there was a fire/emergency? He wouldn't have dealt with it.

He's a loose cannon.

Beancounter1 · 12/02/2022 21:47

He does not live here. What on earth do I do in terms of restrictions on DD?

Change the locks, don't let him in your home, ever. He arranges to meet DD outside your home in a public place, but only if you are happy with the arrangements.

If you can't trust him, contact Cafcass about supervised contact.

BigFatLiar · 12/02/2022 21:57

@BoodleBug51

If he was in a deep sleep, what would have happened if there was a fire/emergency? He wouldn't have dealt with it.

He's a loose cannon.

What would any of us do if there was an emergency when we were sleeping soundly.

I think one of the big risks of fire is people dying of smoke inhalation while sleeping irrespective of whether or not drink has been taken. Worth regular checks of your smoke alarms.

Original poster
Yolo89 · 12/02/2022 22:13

Hi thanks for replies. Sorry I didn't explain properly.

It was on foot.

DH said he had trouble sleeping last night but when he got to my place he immediately fell asleep pretty much, was angry and mean so I think he'd being drinking last night. Then he picked my DD up and I gueseddwhen he started snoring when he got home that he d been drinking so I asked him
Yes it probably was more .

I don't know what to do. I can't tell whether he s been drinking at all anymore

OP posts:
Beancounter1 · 12/02/2022 22:22

I don't know what to do. I can't tell whether he s been drinking at all anymore

Stop caring about whether he has been drinking or not - it is not your business, except when it comes to him having access to DD.

I repeat, change the locks, and organise supervised contact (i.e. he only sees her with trained professionals present at all times).

Then forget about his drinking - no longer your problem, not your business.

If you simply cannot imagine that his drinking is none of your business, perhaps you should try al-anon - seriously.

Chichimcgee · 12/02/2022 22:26

How old is DD?
Don’t see an issue having a pint at lunch, picking DD up and walking back.

But if there’s more to it than that only you can change things.

hartof · 12/02/2022 22:30

If he's a heavy drinker then one pint could make him sleep, his liver can't handle it. My dad is the same recently and I am positive it's because his liver is packing in.

betwixtlives · 12/02/2022 22:41

@kittensinthekitchen

Since the OP hasn't come back yet, I did an advanced search for more information.

The husband (not so dear, or darling) doesn't seem to drive, so was likely picking up on foot.

However, this drinking and generally being a crap husband thing has been going on for years.

OP how much more are you and your children going to put up with? He moved out temporarily a long time ago. Do you need support to leave him?

Confused
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