Why are there so many scared woman drivers ? Woman up and learn how to drive !

[unfeelingwife]

I've seen so many posts about scared women drivers.

What's that all about ? Why can't women drive confidently ? Is it because men are arseholes on the roads ? I know a few women in real life who won't drive on motorways or when it's dark etc.

Why ?? Why are there fewer men who are scared to drive ? Or is that just in my circle ? I drive everywhere, including long road trips to different countries, with my babies and I'm just not scared. I know women who just refuse to drive and their husbands drive them around....

Ive been in a few accidents, by the way. It hasn't put me off. Everyone is different of course, but is it men who've put women off driving ? With their shouting and insults/ road rage ?

[quote TatianaBis]@thewhatsit

Lack of desire to drive aside - which is up to you -

Do you feel like you had enough lessons if you drove into a curb?

Do you not feel like you could improve with practice?

I find all this interesting.[/quote]
I had about six years of lessons most weeks, so yes I probably had enough. Once I’d eventually passed I did go for drives with DH but time after time it was just all so bad I just stopped.

I don’t really understand how it’s not the same as anything else in life. I remember trying to coach my sibling through GCSE Maths.. he had as much and then more tuition than me but scraped a C grade. If some people just don’t “get” Maths maybe it’s just the same as driving? He can drive by the way - he just sucks at probabilities and trigonometry..

It probably is at least partially special awareness as a PP mentioned, I’m also not good if a ball is thrown at me.
I have 2 DC and I reckon DS won’t ever be able to drive, his special awareness is worse than mine. I think DD will do it easily though - assuming driving is still a thing in the future (for my sake I’m just hoping for driverless cars!).

"I'm not like them other girls. I'm a cool girl."
...

I've been a confident driver for years and have driven myself all over the UK. However I do find now I'm mid 50s I dislike driving in the dark, I find the glare of the headlights very bothersome (I live where there are not many streetlights). I wouldn't say it's made me nervous but I avoid it where possible.

I had about six years of lessons most weeks, so yes I probably had enough. Once I’d eventually passed I did go for drives with DH but time after time it was just all so bad I just stopped.

Six years of lessons is a lot, and a lot of money. But you never actually have driving practice outside lessons? Like drives with your parents? Other than with DH post test?

It sounds like you never really got confident at it.

I can't tell with you simply can't do it or you never really mastered it.

I was always a confident driver would drive anywhere but since the menopause I am affected by anxiety and dont feel so confident in my ability

I make myself do it as i have to get to work and take the kids to sports fixtures but I dont really enjoy it

I only recently passed my test and within days of getting a car was doing the motorway, in the dark, etc. It is still a bit nerve wracking but I know that if I keep doing it I'll be fine soon.

Difference is, I had a brilliant instructor. She taught motorway driving, night driving, etc etc, and built it up in a gradual/smart way that really built my confidence and ability. She never pushed me too far all at once that I felt scared. She also taught not just to pass the test but to actually be safe ans confident.

I think a lot of people didn't have that. And if they passed years ago they were probably never actually taught how to drive on a motorway. I can definitely see how figuring that out for yourself would be hard, then you maybe have a bad experience and don't want to put yourself there again, then years pass and it's even harder to change your habits.

I'd recommend people who feel that way to go and get some lessons in their own car with an instructor that's good at building confidence.

Why are you asking people to man up OP? Driving phobia is a mental health condition. Why don't you be brave yourself and put your arse in a pit of snakes or bungee jump off the grand canyon?

I wonder how many of 'won't
drive in dark, motorways' PPs would stand and look at car that they could drive and look at a desperately ill relative who needs
driven, would they still look about for help or jump in the car ?
The PPs admitting they're unsafe or very nervous, they should stay off
the roads. Slow nervy drivers are a danger as much as a speeder is.

@Frezia

"I'm not like them other girls. I'm a cool girl." ...

A lot of my friends are driving wusses as am I!
I passed a bit later on (late 20s) and I’d be happy never to drive again if I didn’t have to and it’s a means to an end for me.

For me it’s because I worry too much about making mistakes and pissing everyone off. Confrontation/ aggression is more likely because the car gives people a degree of anonymity and protection akin to people using the internet. It’s like so many micro-social events and far too much unspoken negotiation and it freaks me out (ASD) I do so it though, I just hate it.

I can't see properly in the dark. Not like other people, obviously nobody can see in the dark, but my pupils are slow to respond to changing light conditions. So I am scared I'll kill someone if I drive in the dark. Or when it's beamingly sunny and there's glare off of wet roads. Might as well be staring at a whitewashed wall for all I can see

@TheCountessOfGrantham

I can't see properly in the dark. Not like other people, obviously nobody can see in the dark, but my pupils are slow to respond to changing light conditions. So I am scared I'll kill someone if I drive in the dark. Or when it's beamingly sunny and there's glare off of wet roads. Might as well be staring at a whitewashed wall for all I can see

So hopefully you don't drive?

I've got astigmatism and it makes driving in the dark very difficult. The glare is awful. It's getting worse as I get older but I've always found it hard unless it's a very well lit stretch. I'm not scared of driving at all- I live in a country where the driving is absolutely nuts, zero road markings, no road edge and no one uses their mirrors or maintains their cars but the dark is bloody horrible. I'd do it if I had to but I'll avoid it wherever I can. I think that makes me sensible rather than scared.

@SuitcaseOfWhine

Why are you asking people to man up OP? Driving phobia is a mental health condition. Why don't you be brave yourself and put your arse in a pit of snakes or bungee jump off the grand canyon?

Because you wouldn't do that if you were scared of snakes would you! So don't drive if you're scarfed of driving!

@Frezia

"I'm not like them other girls. I'm a cool girl." ...

I'm not like them other girls, I'm a competent driver.

Perhaps I can shed some light, I'm one of those women who doesn't do motorways. I hate slip roads I find joining really difficult I don't like travelling at high speed I just don't feel safe or in control. Motorways and dual carriageways just have to much going on it's all the cars joining and having to move lanes all the time it's just so much effort and concentration. Been driving 22 years perfectly happy and safe driving locally to work, the shops, school run, softplay etc.

@Misty999

Perhaps I can shed some light, I'm one of those women who doesn't do motorways. I hate slip roads I find joining really difficult I don't like travelling at high speed I just don't feel safe or in control. Motorways and dual carriageways just have to much going on it's all the cars joining and having to move lanes all the time it's just so much effort and concentration. Been driving 22 years perfectly happy and safe driving locally to work, the shops, school run, softplay etc.

Oh well, you are stereotypical of "women drivers"

@Misty999

Perhaps I can shed some light, I'm one of those women who doesn't do motorways. I hate slip roads I find joining really difficult I don't like travelling at high speed I just don't feel safe or in control. Motorways and dual carriageways just have to much going on it's all the cars joining and having to move lanes all the time it's just so much effort and concentration. Been driving 22 years perfectly happy and safe driving locally to work, the shops, school run, softplay etc.

Practice, practice, practice.

@Frezia

"I'm not like them other girls. I'm a cool girl." ...

I enjoy driving but I have two friends who will only go to the supermarket. What's that about? If you lack confidence either get extra lessons or stay off the road.

A friend of mine passed her test and had been driving a while but felt she wasn't confident/good enough.

She did a week's residential driving course staying in some driving instructor's annexe and spent the days driving.

After that she was absolutely fine.

@Ffsmakeitstop

I enjoy driving but I have two friends who will only go to the supermarket. What's that about? If you lack confidence either get extra lessons or stay off the road.

👍

[quote sanbeiji]@LolaLuffnagal I'm sorry you feel personally attacked, clearly if you have such big issues driving is the least of your worries and you should be focusing on healing.

I will say however that my own initial fear of driving was thanks to my first driving instructor attempting to rape me. He also took pleasure in seeing me scared when forced to speed up although not ready. It took a lot of work to overcome, and I almost didn't make it, but here I am.

It's not 'pathetic' (wrong choice of words OP), and again this is not directed at you personally. But there's so much masochism around driving that mental barriers aren't really discussed and people just give up. In a way while the OP raised a good point the dismissive judging of people r.e. driving doesn't help anybody open up.

MN passing driving test threads are v inspiring. Also Conquer Driving did a good video about a lady who had anxiety, took her 4 years to pass but he was v encouraging about it.[/quote]
A genuine question rather than a snark - did you mean ‘masochism’ or ‘machismo’? Both could fit in the sentence but have very different meanings.

To address the OP, I know a lot of men of a certain age who will not be driven by their wife (I suspect they find it emasculating) and make snide comments about their wife’s driving. That kind of behaviour erodes and undermines confidence over time.