To use the same middle name as friend?

[ButWhereDoesItEnd]

I'm currently pregnant. No idea if we're having a boy or girl, so we've thought of names for both (a first and middle name). One of the middle names I have always loved so we'd like to choose that.
DP also loves it and it's the first name we've agreed on!

However I mentioned to DP that our friends child also has that as a middle name.
DP now doesn't want to have that as a middle name saying that my friend will be really upset. I do think this could be true as she's already been upset with us thinking that we 'copied' her kitchen tiles despite them being quite standard. I don't think it's a big deal but DP has said friend will feel very differently and like it's a massive deal.

I'll be gutted not to have this name as the full name together, first middle and last sounds so lovely. But DP is having none of it saying we can't upset our friend and we need to choose something else.

Would we be unreasonable to have the name and speak to friend beforehand?

She’s not a friend. Keep the name.

@caranations

Use it. Don't tell her. Job done.

@caranations

DP wants to do an announcement when the baby is born with their full name, date they were born etc. So she would definitely know.

My friend chose my son's first name for her newborn; it's never been an issue.

I wouldn't discuss it beforehand and would preferably never discuss it in light of what you've said about your friends personality! Any announcement could just say something along the lines of "baby first name was born on x date".

I think using the same first name might be slightly different... We avoided using a first name we liked as some very close friends used the name first and we see them a lot so it would have seemed odd to us, however we ended up using the same middle name as our friends (we all chose it due to family sentiment) and we didn't even ask or discuss, just said 'oh by the way' and that was that, no issues, just agreement that it's a lovely name!

If he's so adamant about doing an announcement, then just omit the middle name in the one which goes to her (if it's an email) or don't send her one (if it's a printed thing- but after the baby is born you will have bigger fish to fry than organising that so probably won't do it) and just send her a normal message to say baby X has been born.

Also, you'll regret not using it and you don't see her often anyway, and she sounds a bit mad so not like she's going to be a long term friend. Plus, a long term friend wouldn't care about this!

@Notajogger

Also, you'll regret not using it and you don't see her often anyway, and she sounds a bit mad so not like she's going to be a long term friend. Plus, a long term friend wouldn't care about this!

@Notajogger I think we would regret it. It's literally the only name we have both agreed on.

Definitely use the name. Do not pander to this nonsense. It's a middle name and of no consequence to anyone.

Also, why would anyone be annoyed at someone they see twice a year having the same tiles. If your friend wants to be such a stress monster just let her get on with it.

Sack off your 'friend'. Use the name! No one owns a name!!!

She sounds a bit bonkers tbh. I don't think I could invest too much effort in a friendship like this. Nobody ever really asks about middle name & she's not local.

I think this is two separate issues. The first is that your friend has a thing about others copying her. This is quite a weird thing to get wound up about as an adult. Unless she has all her stuff made bespoke by artisans from somewhere remote, someone somewhere will have the same thing as her. You really can’t start worrying about whether cutting your hair into a jaw length bob will set her off. It’s insanity.

The second is the name. If you love it, use it. Chances are you won’t see her much in a few years time. I’m not even sure I know (or remember) all my friends’ children’s middle names.

Use the name, lose the friend.

@CruCru

I think this is two separate issues. The first is that your friend has a thing about others copying her. This is quite a weird thing to get wound up about as an adult. Unless she has all her stuff made bespoke by artisans from somewhere remote, someone somewhere will have the same thing as her. You really can’t start worrying about whether cutting your hair into a jaw length bob will set her off. It’s insanity.

The second is the name. If you love it, use it. Chances are you won’t see her much in a few years time. I’m not even sure I know (or remember) all my friends’ children’s middle names.

@CruCru I said this to DP. Unless she has things designed bespoke, people will have the same or similar things in their home. She does get very funny about it.