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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DS10 wants to walk to school by himself

107 replies

Ihearticecream · 10/02/2022 10:22

My DS10 is very good at getting himself ready in the morning and the school have been encouraging independence and a fair few from the year walk to and from school by themselves. I am sure the physical walk is not a problem as he’s done it for years with me or his Dad but the world is not what it used to be and I am feeling like an overprotective mother.
I’m not sure I feel ready to let him go by himself yet.
Fellow mumsnetters any advice?
And do I need to give my head a wobble?
Thanks

OP posts:
Phillipa12 · 10/02/2022 10:25

So he's in year 5 or 6. Yes, in the nicest possible way you need to give your head a wobble. Maybe let him walk by himself every other day or walk halfway with him, but he needs to start being independent, secondary school is not far away.

Chely · 10/02/2022 10:27

I didn't allow our eldest to walk to/from school until she was 14 and that was only because I had a foot operation and couldn't drive. She was fine and been doing it for over 2 years. She will walk with our 2nd and 3rd when they go to high school but I will still worry. You have to let go at some point, it is hard.

budgiegirl · 10/02/2022 10:27

It depends on the walk and how sensible your 10 year old is - mine were walking to school on their own at that age - but it's only a ten minute walk, with only minor roads to cross at crossings.

That said, 10 is a great age to start get more independence- after all, at 11 most children are walking/getting buses to secondary school, usually much further distances than to primary.

If you are worried about it, perhaps you could see if he has a friend nearby and they could walk together?

RedCandyApple · 10/02/2022 10:28

In my school kids from year 6 can walk to school alone (I realise that’s later than most areas) so that’s 10/11, If he wants to and is sensible I would let him, dd is 10 and year 6 but unable to walk to school alone as she has asd. Depends on the kid, how far etc.

Mollymalone123 · 10/02/2022 10:30

Please don’t be like my SIL who drove her ‘boys’ to high school even though they wanted to walk with their friends.

Let him walk.How is he supposed to learn to be independent unless you let him go ? At school time there are lots of people milling around so as long as he’s confident crossing the road and you tell him what to do in case you aren’t home etc he’ll be fine-most children locally walk home or cycle from around 9 here

Porcupineintherough · 10/02/2022 10:31

When he's 11 he'll be going to secondary school and will need to be more independent. In most cases getting yourself to and from primary alone in Y5 and Y6 is a good preparation for that.

You could approach it by working backwards:

In X years he will be going to secondary. To do this he will need to be able to X/Y/Z by himself. How will he learn the skills to do this?

Anyway, that helped me. I use a similar thing now he's 16 and wants to travel across the city on his own, go out w friends etc (he'll be leaving home in 2 years, how do we prepare him for that). And yes, its scary but you have to learn to trust them.

budgiegirl · 10/02/2022 10:31

I didn't allow our eldest to walk to/from school until she was 14 and that was only because I had a foot operation and couldn't drive

Unless there are specific reasons, 14 seems very late for walking to school. At that age, my DD was getting buses all over the county on her own to meet up with friends (she goes to a school 13 miles away, so her friends are all quite far away!). I'd pick her up if it got late or she missed her bus, but otherwise she was perfectly fine

CakesOfVersailles · 10/02/2022 10:31

Didn't you walk to school on your own at ten?

If you are very worried you could buy him a cheap cellphone. The first couple of times you could walk him half-way if you wanted.

daisybrown37 · 10/02/2022 10:32

How about you do a trial run. He walks ahead of you and you follow? I did this with my eldest in Year 5. I still had to walk his brother, but he went ahead. Once you have done this, then maybe follow part way and then stop?

He will be fine - this is to make you feel more comfortable!

Beamur · 10/02/2022 10:32

Does he have friends he can walk with? Makes it more sociable (and feels safer for parents!)

Plumbear2 · 10/02/2022 10:33

He will be in either year 5or6. Of he is in year 6 he really does need to start walking by himself so he us ready for high school. Even a 10year old in year 5 should be ready

Chely · 10/02/2022 10:34

@budgiegirl well in the local park an under 16's girl was sexually assaulted recently so understandably we can get a bit concerned. There were some murders between our home and the high school when she 1st started going so I was in protective parent overdrive for some time.

Parky04 · 10/02/2022 10:35

How times have changed. I walked to school on my own when I was 6. Yes, I know it was in the 70s!

incognitoforthisone · 10/02/2022 10:36

I think most 10-year-olds are absolutely OK to walk to school, a corner shop or their friend's house a few streets away, aren't they? Assuming he doesn't have to cross a dual carriageway or navigate a dark underpass full of crack users, I suspect he'll be absolutely fine. It's definitely good for kids to get a little bit more independent before they start secondary school, I think.

When you the 'the world is not what it used to be', do you mean that 'stranger danger' is more of an issue now than it once was? Because honestly, it really isn't. It's incredibly rare for a child to be harmed by someone they encounter in the street - we're just more aware of it than we used to be. I completely get why you're worried and I think most parents probably feel that way when their child gets to a milestone stage of independence, but he will be fine.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 10/02/2022 10:37

Christ 14!!!! Shock, I'm genuinely shocked at that. At 14 my DDs were getting trains to London with friends and going all over the place.

Kids aren't routinely snatched off the street on the school run you know . .... it's incredibly rare.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 10/02/2022 10:37

Without knowing the journey its impossible to know really. My 8yo could do her journey without me, I only take and pick her up as its expected by the school. She did go by herself the day her sister had a minor emergency 5 mins before we left. The important detail here is I can see the school from my house.

Other children have to be driven to the school because they might only live a mile away as the crow flies... but the crow can fly other the airport and the children can't walk across the runway!

A 10yo with additional needs should be able to walk 10-15mins in a quiet residential area. Its major road crossings that can be difficult.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 10/02/2022 10:38

That should be WITHOUT additional needs, not with additional needs.

MiniCooperLover · 10/02/2022 10:38

Can he pair up with another child from school who lives nearby (whether friends or not) and they can walk together? Our school encourage's it from Year 5 but in pairs.

Mo1911 · 10/02/2022 10:38

Personally I wouldn't let him. With the best will in the world, he's too young.

CatSpeakForDummies · 10/02/2022 10:39

Unless you are going to drip feed that he has to scamper across a motorway or something then YABU. He has done the walk with you and knows it well. The world is not what is used to be is a rose tinted and daft argument - your son's world will not be better if you keep it smaller.

To make it easier for you, can you walk 5 or 10 minutes behind him for a few days, so he knows he can stop and wait for you if he gets into any bother. It'll also calm you down that there hasn't been any accidents etc on the route and he's safely in school.

Does he do cubs or scouts or anything like that? Going to camp and things would do you both the world of good.

MusicByTheLake · 10/02/2022 10:40

How far away is the school? Is it a safe route?

My kids started walking to/from school themselves towards the end of year 5. It was only a 5-10 minute walk, very safe, no main roads to cross and other kids/parents were around. My kids were very sensible but they still had a mobile with them and I used an app to see them go into the school, just for peace of mind.

It’s a good age to start letting them have this bit of independence if they’re sensible and the route is safe.

Namechangehereandnow · 10/02/2022 10:40

Yes give your head a wobble!

Original poster
Ihearticecream · 10/02/2022 10:40

Thank you. It’s about a 10 minute walk. There are two bigger road crossings, one which has a bush obstructing the view and the other is a zebra crossing. The driving parents are what I worry about more as they need to get as close as possible for some reason and often aren’t watching for pedestrians (re two schools close by).
The other thing is what to do if he’s approached by a stranger. There have been reports in the area about this so it’s a worry.

OP posts:
spiderlight · 10/02/2022 10:41

It depends on the journey, but unless there's going to be a massive dripfeed involving him having to cross a six-lane high-speed road or walk a mile through deserted woodland, I think it would be fine. Mine started walking/cycling by himself in Y6 - we only live round the block from the primary school and our house backs onto the field so we can see into the playground, but I was a bit nervous the first few times and one of the class mums who was there with her younger child used to text me to say he'd arrived. It was good preparation for secondary.

edwinbear · 10/02/2022 10:42

DS is now in Y8 and in Y5 I started letting him walk home by himself occasionally, when he had sports fixtures that finished at awkward times. We gradually built up the number of times he was getting himself to/from school by himself, so by the time he went into Y7, he was fully independent. It worked well, and he's now able to get himself around both to/from school and also to shopping centres/the cinema/McDonalds with his friends in the holidays. He does have a tracker app on his phone so we can see where he is.

DD is Y5 and once the days start getting a bit longer, we'll take the same approach. If he's sensible, will be with friends and it's a relatively straightforward walk, I'd let him try. You will be anxious the first few times, but it will pass!

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