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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My DS10 wants to walk to school by himself

107 replies

Ihearticecream · 10/02/2022 10:22

My DS10 is very good at getting himself ready in the morning and the school have been encouraging independence and a fair few from the year walk to and from school by themselves. I am sure the physical walk is not a problem as he’s done it for years with me or his Dad but the world is not what it used to be and I am feeling like an overprotective mother.
I’m not sure I feel ready to let him go by himself yet.
Fellow mumsnetters any advice?
And do I need to give my head a wobble?
Thanks

OP posts:

cherryonthecakes · 10/02/2022 10:42

Is there another classmate that he can walk with ?

MusicByTheLake · 10/02/2022 10:44

Just to add, once they got to secondary school, they preferred a lift and have only walked a handful of times. 🙄

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 10/02/2022 10:45

The tricky crossing, how far into the journey is it? Can you walk him that far, and then he can do the rest himself?

Original poster

Ihearticecream · 10/02/2022 10:50

Hi, there’s not really anyone he could walk with. He could meet some friends about 3/4 of the way in.
I like the idea of building up to it. Maybe start with one day a week or as a PP suggested half way. The trickier crossing is near the beginning.

OP posts:

VainAbigail · 10/02/2022 10:50

I know someone who has refused to stop doing the school run even though she has a 16 year old in 6th form which she could get a bus to, and a 13 year old and a 15 year old at the same school which is about 10 mins walk from their house. She once referred to the 15 year old (when she was about 13) as a “little girl” who was likely to be abducted in a van

Offtobednow · 10/02/2022 10:51

It does sound like you’re being a bit overprotective. My DS10 walks or cycles to school by himself most days (he started last year in Yr5). It is around 20 mins to his school with residential roads, with a subway or crossings over the busier roads. When he cycles he goes on the road too.
I think the key is to build up gradually though. For example, my DS8 has 2 or 3 roads he knows he can cross by himself but then wait for me, and my DD3 is allowed ahead of me on the pavement on her balance bike but has to stop at the second tree or by the next bin etc.

StepIntoIt · 10/02/2022 10:51

To begin with I would walk with him and let him call the shorts on when he thinks it is safe to cross the roads. For my children we literally stood ready to cross a road and I taught them by saying not yet, not yet and go so they could get a clear understanding of safety. But they need to understand not all cars obey the speed limit.

Re the bush could you pop a note through the door of the person if it is in a garden to ask them to cut it back for visibility? Or contact the council if it is theirs?

Are there other parents/children walking the same route, safety in numbers and all that. Also what to do if he is approached, give him the tools to deal with it.

I will say, and yes this is incredibly rare, but when I was a child a 10 year old was abducted going to the corner shops and she was murdered. Scared us all shitless. But these days with CCTV and people having door cameras I think we are safer than we have ever been. We taught our children that no adult would ask a child to find a lost dog or ask for directions, to stand back from cars if they stop and either the driver or passenger try to talk to you. Be aware of your surroundings, no phone in your hand etc.

Usually year 6 children start walking by themselves, sometimes tailed by a parent just to make sure they are safe.

Beamur · 10/02/2022 10:53

I was going to let my DD walk to school at this age but then there was a number of attempted abductions and girls being approached by men in cars (primary age) that I decided against it. It probably would have been ok but it just didn't seem worth the risk. She's at high school now and getting herself around just fine.

blyn72 · 10/02/2022 10:53

It depends how far away the school is and if he will see other children walking to the same place along the way.

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 10/02/2022 10:54

Both of my kids have walked to school with friends since year 5.. aged 9. They start middle school at that age and it's the norm here (semi rural village school, about a mile).
I worried at first, but they were both happy to do it.

RedToothBrush · 10/02/2022 10:54

He's ten. Are you going to insist on walking him to school or to the shops when he's in high school?

When do you propose he start, if not now?

blyn72 · 10/02/2022 10:55

@Ihearticecream

Hi, there’s not really anyone he could walk with. He could meet some friends about 3/4 of the way in. I like the idea of building up to it. Maybe start with one day a week or as a PP suggested half way. The trickier crossing is near the beginning.

I just saw this, it appears he won't meet other kids until he is nearly at school.

Does he cycle? That might be better.

Guacamoleontoast · 10/02/2022 10:56

Times have changed indeed. When I was a child (1950s) my mum took me to school on the first day and after that I walked with a friend. No major roads to cross though, or it might have been different. All the other children did the same. No-one ever mentioned (or possibly never thought about) child abduction. I suppose it happened in the fifties and sixties but wasn't publicized as it would be today.

SnowFlo · 10/02/2022 10:56

I didn't walk alone to school until I was in Year 7.

pointythings · 10/02/2022 10:57

Mine walked to school from age 9, Yr 5 - school encouraged this. At that age they should be sensible enough to cross roads and understand about potential strangers. There's also the fact that lots of people walked to school that time of day, either alone, in groups or with parents, so they were never really alone. 10 is absolutely not too young. I walked to school by myself from age 6.

MiniatureHotdog · 10/02/2022 11:00

Personally I wouldn't let him. With the best will in the world, he's too young

Why? My 10 year old walks to school. It's ten minutes through residential areas. From September they'll be at secondary school. Stopping DC from becoming independent does them no favours.

OP unless you live in an area where gang warfare is rife he'll be fine

TheOrigRights · 10/02/2022 11:03

The other thing is what to do if he’s approached by a stranger. There have been reports in the area about this so it’s a worry.

There is no way I would let a 10 yo walk alone in an area where this has been reported.
Of course it could happen anywhere, but if it's a known risk then it's not safe, is it.

What I was concerned about when my DS's started walking to school alone was 1) I wouldn't know immediately if they didn't get there and 2) that they were doing the same route at the same time every day, which makes things easier for predators.

It didn't stop me letting them go because they were tiny risks, it was just something I thought of.

bluetongue · 10/02/2022 11:05

@Guacamoleontoast

Exactly. I’m pretty sure the only thing that is more dangerous these days is the increases traffic. Hopefully your child has built up some road sense.

My mum was an overprotective helicopter mum before helicopter parents were even really a thing. It can be really damaging to their development no matter how well meaning you are.

rainbowandglitter · 10/02/2022 11:10

My ds was walking to school and back on his own from year 5. It's about 10-15 minute walk.
Giving them independence does wonders for them, keeping them wrapped in an overprotective bubble does not.
He's now year 7 and gets the school bus every day, goes down the city with friends etc.

RandomMess · 10/02/2022 11:13

Really does depend on the roads.

The ones by our Primary School were treacherous and the average age for accurately being able to judge speed of cars and assess risk is more like 12 and then the craziness of teenage brain kicks in and executive function drops again.

Sally872 · 10/02/2022 11:16

Yes let him, it is scary the first few times but then it becomes normal. You could allow him to walk home himself first as you only have 10-15 mins worrying if managed OK. Then once comfortable with that allow him to wall to school.

NickyOy · 10/02/2022 11:17

My son is 11 in first year of high school. He has ASD and ADHD and we have gradually been building up to him walking home from school since the beginning of September. Started with me waiting at end of car park, then round the corner, bit by bit he has learned to do the pedestrian crossing and now meets me near home. He is emotionally less mature than many 11 year olds and needs lots of repetition and practice to help him to be more independent and learn new things. I'm really proud of the progress he's making and will soon be able to walk all the way home on his own, but every child is different with different abilities.

Bramshott · 10/02/2022 11:26

Is he in Y5 or Y6? If the latter then yes definitely, now's the time to start this in preparation for secondary. If the former then it depends...

Original poster

Ihearticecream · 10/02/2022 11:30

@SnowFlo Me neither

OP posts:

Theoldcuriosityshop · 10/02/2022 11:42

Guacamoleontoast.
Exactly the same as me. I walked to school from the age of 6 and by 9 I was taking my 5 year old brother.

It was a good mile walk as well, not just around the corner. We were incredibly confident children and knew exactly what to do if anyone stopped in a car and asked us if we'd like a lift etc. Obviously there was no where near the amount of traffic and we had a lollipop lady to see us over the main road.

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