My DS10 wants to walk to school by himself

[Ihearticecream]

My DS10 is very good at getting himself ready in the morning and the school have been encouraging independence and a fair few from the year walk to and from school by themselves. I am sure the physical walk is not a problem as he’s done it for years with me or his Dad but the world is not what it used to be and I am feeling like an overprotective mother.
I’m not sure I feel ready to let him go by himself yet.
Fellow mumsnetters any advice?
And do I need to give my head a wobble?
Thanks

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Without knowing the journey its impossible to know really. My 8yo could do her journey without me, I only take and pick her up as its expected by the school. She did go by herself the day her sister had a minor emergency 5 mins before we left. The important detail here is I can see the school from my house.

Other children have to be driven to the school because they might only live a mile away as the crow flies... but the crow can fly other the airport and the children can't walk across the runway!

A 10yo with additional needs should be able to walk 10-15mins in a quiet residential area. Its major road crossings that can be difficult.

You do realise that the school don’t actually have the right to enforce that?

So many times on threads I see when the school “allow” kids to walk to or from school alone. That’s a parental decision - not a school one.

The only thing the school can do is speak to social services if they strongly disagree that it’s safe and within the child’s abilities.

In 20 years working in schools only once did the school not back down and contacted SS (because it was another example of neglect in that case). They just rely on parents not realising that it’s your choice

There are lots of factors, but I'd say overall, 10 is not too young. He needs to learn independence. Especially if he's in Y6. As stated, build it up gradually. Maybe walk him half way to start with. Nag him to death about road safety and stranger danger.

For your peace of mind, you could get him a phone and use a tracking app. The phone would need to stay in his pocket/in his bag. You can then see in real time where he is. I use find my kids for DS2 who is in Y7 (he gets a train to school which is 30 miles away) I use 'find my kids' on my phone, and then on DS2's phone its called 'pingu' - the apps are connected - but of course the child has to have their phone turned on. Mine has his on silent all day. I can then check that he has managed to get the train home so I can pick him up from the station.
He knows the app is on there.

Please let him do this. My eldest two never walked to primary school as I had a younger children in the school. Child 1 walked for the first time to secondary school and I had absolutely no idea that they were unable to cross a road safely without a crossing or a friend telling them when! Child 2 was fine. Child 3 in Year 5 walks half way as too far too walk the full way and I drive past the school to go to work.

Nope. I’ll be holding out until secondary school and beyond if my my DD lets me. Too many weirdos about

OP no you don’t have to let him walk. Use your mum instincts. Do you think he will be able to cross the road safely. What is your area like? Are there other kids walking and if so what are they like and will your son be influenced if they suggest something daft.
I have a boy about to turn 10 and almost all his friends are walking to school but until I feel he is able to automatically look each way at the side of a road I won’t let him go alone.
At the moment I look back and observe him and he still just runs out without looking.
Don’t bow to peer pressure or other mums saying ‘they need to get independence’ yes that’s true but there are many years ahead to do that.

@Christmaswindows

Please let him do this. My eldest two never walked to primary school as I had a younger children in the school. Child 1 walked for the first time to secondary school and I had absolutely no idea that they were unable to cross a road safely without a crossing or a friend telling them when! Child 2 was fine. Child 3 in Year 5 walks half way as too far too walk the full way and I drive past the school to go to work.

Yes definitely. I got caught out by lockdowns in year 5, then we moved and got given a school not in walking distance. So I spent the last few weeks before secondary school trying to get an 11-year-old to learn to cross the road safely (he is particularly bad at being aware of what’s going on around him). Much better to have done it gradually.

If he wants the let him . Our primary school they like you let them know if the child is walking by themselves So the register can be checked straight away

@Theoldcuriosityshop

Guacamoleontoast. Exactly the same as me. I walked to school from the age of 6 and by 9 I was taking my 5 year old brother. It was a good mile walk as well, not just around the corner. We were incredibly confident children and knew exactly what to do if anyone stopped in a car and asked us if we'd like a lift etc. Obviously there was no where near the amount of traffic and we had a lollipop lady to see us over the main road.

When was that - the 1960’s?!? 🤣 It’s a totally different world

Mine walked from age 9 ( year 5) . 1.5 miles, 2 busy roads with zebras.

It's like any other worry as they grow up, of course we worry, we will do that until we die, but there needs to be perspective.

It's a worry when they start driving, when they start going out drinking/clubbing, their first holiday without parents etc etc. You can't stop any of this, it's normal. Just like walking to school towards the end of primary .... it's something they need to learn and we need to step back and encourage it. We make them fearful of the world otherwise.

@RedToothBrush

He's ten. Are you going to insist on walking him to school or to the shops when he's in high school?

When do you propose he start, if not now?

This. He's ten. Let him go.

Our school will let them go without a parent in yrs 5 and 6, so the majority of them start going by themselves at that point. It is strange to begin with, but my yr5 loves going by himself now (doesn't do it that many days as I'm there for his younger sister anyway). It's lovely to see them get a little bit of independence.

I did it gradually and shadowing at times just to make sure they had the rules of the road fully cemented. Also talked about stranger danger and what to do, including things like not walking on the pavement near to the road.

I used to walk 35 minutes to school in year 6 and jump on the regular bus home. Let him walk.

The plus side to them walking at that time is there's lots of other parents about. And from experience, those walking younger ones do tend to keep an eye out on the older ones walking alone. Is there another child in the class he could walk with? I do understand the worry though OP.

The concern about inappropriate adults etc is understandable but not a reason not to allow a child. Rather, we need to teach our children how to cope in different situations. For example, while we expect DS to be polite to adults while out and about, we've drilled into him that an adult asking him questions that are personal or inappropriate means he doesn't have to be polite - he can just walk (or run) away if he needs to. ditto, teaching him what information is okay to disclose.

We also started small - walks where he was in charge of deciding when we, as a family, could cross the road and what direction to take to get to wherever we were going. Then going by himself to a friend just up the road (with us security craning out of the window to keep an eye on him). Then short trip to the corner shop etc etc. He often came back from this shorter trips with a story or a concern which we'd talk through with him, giving him confidence.

Ultimately, a 10 year old, especially year 6, should absolutely be able to get himself to and from school because at high school this is expected. I see a year 7 boy being walked by his mother and I can't help but wonder how difficult it is for him to settle in at high school if his mum is walking him to the school gate every day...

There’s a local family that March their dc to school - secondary school. They each walk with each child who are now 13 and 15. What are they thinking?! Mortifying.

I was walked to school on my first day of reception and shown where to go, and then I walked with a family member one day a week just because of circumstances but the other four days a week I got myself there and that was 100% normal in our village. By the time I started year three I was walking my reception age sibling in too.

I’m only in my thirties in case anyone decides it was “a different world”

My dc have all started around 9 which seems to be the generally accepted age now so I’d let him OP. I mean, they can go to the post box/shop/park/play out with friends at that age so the school isn’t much of a stretch, although I know it feels different somehow.

From year 7 my oldest DC has had to get themselves up, out of bed, breakfasted dressed, ready, out the house, lock up and get to school without seeing an adult because of working patterns. It’s a big jump if they aren’t used to it so gradual is the way.

@Parky04

How times have changed. I walked to school on my own when I was 6. Yes, I know it was in the 70s!

Same here! By 8 I was considered to be one of the "big girls" considered capable of escorting 4 and 5 year old neighbours to school. Admittedly this was in a rural area with quiet roads.

My DD was walking to school by herself in Y6. This was beside a busy road but only two side roads to cross.

As others have said, he really needs to be ready to do this by the time he gets to secondary. IIRC having Mum walk you to school in secondary is inviting ridicule.

Actually I remember DD saying once when she was in VI form she had left a bit later than usual and when she got to the pedestrian crossing (a pelican) a Y7 boy was sitting alone on the wall looking a bit upset, but when he saw DD approach the crossing he leapt up to join her. She asked if he was alright and he confided that his Mum had told him not to use the crossing on his own and he had been too late to cross when everybody else did.

I had to do similar to NickyOy, it was a gradual process from Y5. My DS is young in his year and with autism to boot, so his maturity wasn't at typical levels. I had to think of it as a training exercise, with crossing the road (I got him to tell me when we should cross and I had to agree before he could), and stopping part way there and letting him go the rest of the way by himself. We did that in stages, gradually increasing the distance. Some days he was more confident to go more of the way by himself, others I went further. I used to ask him what he would do if this or that happened, so he had ideas of how he would cope if he had to divert from his usual route, or somebody seemed worrying to him, things like that. Nothing ever did happen but he was more confident for being prepared.

It did help that our walk to school went past the infant school so there were lots of other kids and parents around, some knew my DS and would keep an eye on him.

It's hard to let go, but it does help their confidence in general, so it's worth doing. (You could do bus journey training too, if he's not used to that, starting with sitting a couple of rows behind him and getting him to buy his ticket himself.)

@Parky04

How times have changed. I walked to school on my own when I was 6. Yes, I know it was in the 70s!

🙂 When I started school I was still 4 , ‘rising five’ it was called’ I walked to school with my sister who was six. A mile and a half on field paths because that was considered safer than the main road, although there were pavements. We only got the bus if it was peeing down with rain.

In our village, it's usually spring/summer of year 5 when they start walking on their own (or with friends). The big advantage of starting whilst still at primary is that there are usually lots of parents walking the same route, some of whom will know them. That means if there's a problem, someone will help, and if they're silly, word will probably get back to you. I let one friend know when her older one was being silly on the way, crossing the road every few yards (before covid meant there might be a reason to do this!). It's also a route that they've walked hundreds of times with you, so you should already have them trained up for the danger spots. I also advised DD that if she was nervous about crossing the big road, she could tag on with another family and cross with them. There's little need for a phone if they're on a busy walking route - another mum will step in if they fall over or something - just make sure they know your number.

It really depends on your area. Im not in the uk, where i live its completely normal tht the kids walk by themselves. When they first start school at 4 i took them for 2-3 weeks and after that they managed by themselves. Its a 20min walk, usually takes the kids 45mins when they are alone
Parents are actually actively discouraged to drive the kids. Theres a bus for everyone who lives more than 30mins (walk) away.
We live rurally though in a small village where most people know each other.

10 is the perfect age I think for most kids for a shortish journey to school. And the evenings are getting lighter so good time to start.

I started walking to school alone (around a 15 minute walk, one major road) when I was 8. By age 10, my mum had also put me in charge of my two younger siblings getting to school most days. They would have been 7 and 5. This was in 2004ish, not the 1960s.

I’d definitely hope your average 10-year-old could be trusted with getting to school a short walk away.