Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS Last one picked in PE

483 replies

GoldenLightNights · 09/02/2022 22:32

AIBU to contact the teacher with regards to this:

DS is 9, he’s a wonderful child, great at all things science and maths related but not so much at sports. He plays football outside of school for one of the lower ability teams and sort of enjoys it, he isn’t forced to play or anything like that.

Anyway today at school he had PE, we’ve never had any issues before but today for some reason the teacher let two boys pick teams and my son was the last to be picked. He is quite upset especially as one of the boys doing the picking is a close friend.
Anyway I find the idea of letting other children pick teams horrendous and if not my son some child will be picked last. I actually thought this method of choosing teams was done away with years ago!
I want to contact the teacher to ask if he would consider adopting a new approach to team selection. My husband says I’m jumping the gun and to wait to see if it happens again…… so what do you think?
He was properly upset this evening 😢

OP posts:
caringcarer · 10/02/2022 10:48

I don't see a problem with it. It is giving two children leadership opportunity. My son is good at sport but not accademically. When they have sport he is either the one picking or first pick. When class have a quiz he is often near the last picked. Kids have to learn very few are good at everything. We can't wrap kids in cotton wool. I suppose he would get upset at Sports Day too? Or does his school have a non competitive Sports Day so no one gets upset? Schools should prepare for life and in life we all have to learn sometimes others are better at things than we are ourselves.

luckylavender · 10/02/2022 10:53

I was always picked last, deservedly so. And it's difficult. But it's also life. If they're not doing in lessons then it will happen in the playground. And there are other children who will struggle with other things. They won't get a part in the play, they won't pass a maths test. It's life really.

Sportslady44 · 10/02/2022 10:53

it dosent mean that people are better when they are picked though it could be they are choosing their friends, or choosing to be nasty.

Therefore its much better and fairer if the teacher picks the teams.

Crayfishforyou · 10/02/2022 10:55

Yanbu.
It’s horrible.
I spent five years being picked last at secondary school. I wasn’t even bad at sport which made it hurt more.

anormalperson · 10/02/2022 10:55

I don't think OP sounds like a snowflake at all. Completely unnecessary way to pick teams and always leave someone feeling shit. I probably wouldn't say anything unless it happened again.

ChocolateMassacre · 10/02/2022 10:56

And kids also need to learn to cope with being picked last, and/or improving their standing to not be picked last all the time.

But in real life though we can walk away if we're consistently not good at something and go and do something that we're good at. We don't usually have our failures shoved in our face over and over again but we learn to play to our strengths instead and find what we are good at. The whole point about school, and school PE, is that it's not voluntary.

Kizty · 10/02/2022 10:57

Exactly chocolatemassacre. Sports day is even worse. Humiliated in front of all the parents too and no choice in it at all

edwinbear · 10/02/2022 10:58

DS never gets picked for the quiz teams like PP, he also never gets to go up at prize giving and has to sit watching the other kids go up and collect prizes for maths/english/effort etc. He's absolutely fine with this and happy for his friends, because he knows he gets chosen for the A team in every sport the school represent. He accepts his strengths are in sport and other children shine in academics.

He is often the 'picker' for teams and makes sure that even the children he chooses last, feel valued and are an important part of the team, giving them specific roles that play to their strengths and getting them fully involved in team tactics/strategy.

worriedatthemoment · 10/02/2022 10:59

I was always last picked at pe but thats just how it was
This method not usually much in primary but is in secondary, my kids now are sporty and quite good
But. Academically they used to do just ok , so never won the awards or praise for that so Pe was there only chance to stand out
Also teams would be picked sometimes based on ability and all those who think it should be fair and all play thats not so easy as the better kids don't pass wtc so its better being on the team of similar ability like you would be in any other subject
That said at your sons age I would let it go this time if happens again a quiet word with the teacher that there are other ways

CocoCookieCream · 10/02/2022 11:04

@anormalperson

I don't think OP sounds like a snowflake at all. Completely unnecessary way to pick teams and always leave someone feeling shit. I probably wouldn't say anything unless it happened again.
Tbh, I always excelled academically, but was terrible at all sport. So I know full well what it's like, and yes it sucks. I just shrugged, coped, and carried on.

If anything, it develops a stronger character. My personal observation is that often the people picked last in sports in school end up being more successful and determined in overall life. I.e. Nerds Vs jocks. (Guess who ends up with better/good friends, married, good income, etc after they leave school.)

TabithaTiger · 10/02/2022 11:05

I'm surprised this method of picking teams is still used. I remember primary school and always being one of the last to be picked, it's a horrible feeling and led me to believe I wasn't good at sport, therefore didn't bother trying with any sport as I got older.

ChocolateMassacre · 10/02/2022 11:05

It's not a question of not making the team or of not being singled out as the best. Yes, of course sporty kids who are not academic should get recognition for their achievements.

But this is a question of being singled out as the worst. In no other subject is it considered acceptable publicly to single out children as being the worst in their class. You just wouldn't do this for English or Maths or anything else. Instead, they would be quietly helped to improve. Why should PE be different?

Singling out the 'worst' students in a subject is entirely different from recognising and praising the top students. I'm surprised people can't see the difference. One is positive, one is not.

FixTheBone · 10/02/2022 11:06

I'm going to be in the minority, but I was usually last to be picked.

Not a problem, I was well aware I was crap at football and cricket, but at least it meant the teams were reasonably balance.

I always found it much worse when for example we played against a much better team and got battered, what do you learn or gain from that experience?

worriedatthemoment · 10/02/2022 11:12

@ChocolateMassacre except you were when you were give exams back etc and your grade on the top , my ds also knew who got best / worst grade in maths , science etc so it is the same
Sometimes they even got told off for not doing well

thewhatsit · 10/02/2022 11:13

I don’t think you are a snowflake at all Op.

It’s a horrible method and sports at school put me off exercise for a long, long time which is presumably the opposite to what they want. I thought that methods had changed a lot since I was at school and this was very much in the past.
Obviously children are still going to realise who is less athletic but being singled out in this way is unnecessary.

edwinbear · 10/02/2022 11:15

@worriedatthemoment DS was given a detention a few weeks back for failing a test. He'd genuinely revised hard for it and did his best, but he finds the subject very hard and it really doesn't come naturally to him.
He took it on the chin.

worriedatthemoment · 10/02/2022 11:17

@edwinbear yes mine have had the same

thewhatsit · 10/02/2022 11:17

@ChocolateMassacre

It's not a question of not making the team or of not being singled out as the best. Yes, of course sporty kids who are not academic should get recognition for their achievements.

But this is a question of being singled out as the worst. In no other subject is it considered acceptable publicly to single out children as being the worst in their class. You just wouldn't do this for English or Maths or anything else. Instead, they would be quietly helped to improve. Why should PE be different?

Singling out the 'worst' students in a subject is entirely different from recognising and praising the top students. I'm surprised people can't see the difference. One is positive, one is not.

I agree with this. Plus you’re often set for English and Maths.

I was always in the top set and I had no idea who was in the sets below me (whether a particular child was middle or in the bottom set - I just knew they weren’t in the top set) and it wasn’t something I ever gave any thought to.

There’s no concept of lining children up and asking there peers to point at (in full view of everyone else) who ranks worst at maths or spellings.

GrolliffetheDragon · 10/02/2022 11:18

@appleturnovers

It's not just the being picked last. IME the worst part is the rest of the team who've already been picked whispering to the team leader "pick her, pick her, no, not her, oh I hope we don't get her, oh god, no, not her, OH FOR F**K'S SAKE" and then giving you dirty looks and sulking when you go to join their team.
This. And I wasn't even the worst at sport, I was however bullied and unpopular so nobody wanted to be associated with me.
maryd84 · 10/02/2022 11:26

It's so humiliating to always be picked last in PE. Happened to me in primary and secondary school. Dreaded PE because of it. Its an awful feeling being judged as not being good enough☹

worriedatthemoment · 10/02/2022 11:26

@thewhatsit kids today do know who is in which set and they so know test results etc
Mine have also been kept in at break at primary to relearn their spellings as they didn't get enough right ? Had a detention at secondary for not getting a good enough grade
So it totally does happen to some extent in other subjects
They could always say who would win the dressing up prize or drawing comp so never bothered as they knew that wasn't their thing
All kids are good at something

worriedatthemoment · 10/02/2022 11:28

@appleturnovers that happens even if the teachers pick the team, which is why its generally better to have teams picked of similar ability but many see that as unfair in sports , but fine in other subjects

MarshaBradyo · 10/02/2022 11:28

[quote worriedatthemoment]@thewhatsit kids today do know who is in which set and they so know test results etc
Mine have also been kept in at break at primary to relearn their spellings as they didn't get enough right ? Had a detention at secondary for not getting a good enough grade
So it totally does happen to some extent in other subjects
They could always say who would win the dressing up prize or drawing comp so never bothered as they knew that wasn't their thing
All kids are good at something [/quote]
Yes they know and they’ll still know re sport without doing the team picking element.

It’s not necessary and just puts dc off exercise and team sports when they need more not less.

GrolliffetheDragon · 10/02/2022 11:31

@CocoCookieCream

OP, you sound like a right snowflake.

It used to happen when I was a kid and should still happen now.

Because to a degree it reflects real life and does teach kids about social/life skills. And kids also need to learn to cope with being picked last, and/or improving their standing to not be picked last all the time.

Just going to repeat my previous post - I wasn't worst at sport by a long way. But I was bullied and unpopular so there would be an argument over not wanting 'her' on the team, teacher did nothing about this. If there were an odd number of us, the teacher would have to choose which team I went on, with both of them backing away from me.

There was no way I could improve at sport to not be picked last, because being picked last was nothing to do with my ability. It was to do with who was friends with who and my general pariah status.

Eventually, and it took a long time because I like to do my best and I don't think I lack resilience, I stopped making any effort in games because it was just too miserable to make that effort to help other people who treated me like dirt and appeared to despise me. Resilience will only take you so far, and I was bullied on and off from 8 or 9 until I left school at 16.

Nospringchix · 10/02/2022 11:31

@user1745

I don't really understand the comments about resilience. You don't get resilient to the point where your weaknesses being made publicly obvious doesn't hurt. You can get to the point where you don't say anything or outwardly show that it hurts, but it always stings and you don't just get used to it. You can become resilient in the sense that you understand you aren't good at sport but it doesn't upset you because you understand everyone has things they are good at and things they aren't good at, but that doesn't mean you won't care when the thing you aren't good at causes you to be publicly singled out.

Unfortunately I suppose PE teachers were the sporty ones when they were at school so they probably don't know how it feels to be picked last. I can't think of any other subject where this regularly happened when I was at school.

Yes, I guess most likely the PE teacher wouldn't have been the one last picked every lesson when they were kids so don't know how it affects a child.

One of the kids who used to pick me last and make my life a misery in PE is now wait for it.... a PE teacher in a local secondary school!