Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS Last one picked in PE

483 replies

GoldenLightNights · 09/02/2022 22:32

AIBU to contact the teacher with regards to this:

DS is 9, he’s a wonderful child, great at all things science and maths related but not so much at sports. He plays football outside of school for one of the lower ability teams and sort of enjoys it, he isn’t forced to play or anything like that.

Anyway today at school he had PE, we’ve never had any issues before but today for some reason the teacher let two boys pick teams and my son was the last to be picked. He is quite upset especially as one of the boys doing the picking is a close friend.
Anyway I find the idea of letting other children pick teams horrendous and if not my son some child will be picked last. I actually thought this method of choosing teams was done away with years ago!
I want to contact the teacher to ask if he would consider adopting a new approach to team selection. My husband says I’m jumping the gun and to wait to see if it happens again…… so what do you think?
He was properly upset this evening 😢

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2022 10:34

@Quincythequince

The fact of the matter is, teams are selected on ability!

No amount of mollycoddling will ever change that.

You’re not good at football!! That’s ok. Everyone gets their chance to shake sometimes.

Everyone.

Teach your kids resilience!

Yes they will be aware as I’ve said.

So they don’t need it reinforced by this method of team picking

Look I know how keen you are but most are moving on.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:38

I’m not keen. I just don’t think it’s worth a teacher complaint.

I have a child that doesn’t get picked A or B team.

Ever!

Does he care? No. He knows others are better.

He’s well adjusted - far better skill to learn than expectation of equality irrespective of ability, when is just silly.

imagen · 11/02/2022 10:39

@D0lphine

I thought you and others said it was fundamental to resilience. Now it's minor and doesn't matter...

Well I think it is minor and doesn't really matter in the scheme of things and therefore it's a good tool to practice resilience. So when something big comes up it's less of a nightmare for them to deal with.

I'm just really surprised people think it's the worst thing ever! It's really not! Grin

So bullying is also minor? What's the difference, especially if team picking is used as a tool. Why do you WANT team picking by students is what I do not understand.

If it was unavoidable I'd understand the resilience arguments. This is just being cruel for no reason. Making the child with few friends or who isn't good at sport stand there, while nobody wants them on the team.

That could be YOUR child, but it's probably not, given the lack of empathy.

MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2022 10:41

@Quincythequince

I’m not keen. I just don’t think it’s worth a teacher complaint.

I have a child that doesn’t get picked A or B team.

Ever!

Does he care? No. He knows others are better.

He’s well adjusted - far better skill to learn than expectation of equality irrespective of ability, when is just silly.

Picked by whom? The school do you mean, for the A or B team
Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:46

No Marsha!

House teams!

Peer selection.

He doesn’t get picked A or B by the school either!

MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2022 10:49

Is he in front of his peers standing together when the selection happens?

And if so are there many others with him that also don’t get picked?

I think the hard part is being last in a public group and all that goes with it, not so much not being in the best teams, not all dc can be and are fine with that.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:51

imagen who has said bullying is minor?
Who has said that?

Why is being picked in line with your ability, bullying?

Would it be bullying to make sure the more able kids got picked last just to accommodate the less able ones?

Would that be ok? Would it make sense? Do you think everybody wouldn’t know why that was being done, this making it worse.

Peer engagement and building teams is an important skill to learn, done with kindness and reasoned choices.

There is nothing wrong with this.

Stop calling more able children bullies.

It’s just not true.

MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2022 10:51

Which is why posters still remember how it felt if it happened and are posting about it but won’t be fussed about not making A or B team.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:53

@MarshaBradyo

Is he in front of his peers standing together when the selection happens?

And if so are there many others with him that also don’t get picked?

I think the hard part is being last in a public group and all that goes with it, not so much not being in the best teams, not all dc can be and are fine with that.

It happens in forms for house competitions. He isn’t picked for teams where the best athletes are.

He doesn’t care!

There’s 30 boys. They can’t all be chosen as the best, most of them know this.

I still fail to see why it’s so bad to be the worst at one thing! Why is that bad?

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:55

Our kids generation are screwed! Literally.

I wonder how many parents here will be phoning in when their children are adults re jobs and university places etc. bemoaning lack of fairness.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:56

OP - your husband is right.

Don’t phone the school for this one incident.

If it keeps happening, different story.

Maybe next time your son will be captain and can choose.

Northernparent68 · 11/02/2022 10:57

@Quincythequince

The fact of the matter is, teams are selected on ability!

No amount of mollycoddling will ever change that.

You’re not good at football!! That’s ok. Everyone gets their chance to shake sometimes.

Everyone.

Teach your kids resilience!

Exactly, which is why team sports should be optional
MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2022 10:57

@Quincythequince

Our kids generation are screwed! Literally.

I wonder how many parents here will be phoning in when their children are adults re jobs and university places etc. bemoaning lack of fairness.

Hmm I think you are going off on a tangent and getting worked up for some reason.

I know it’s hard to get if you don’t separate it out but the dc will still have the opportunity to be in top teams or not. Without this process.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 11:04

If parents make a big deal of it, then kids will too.
Nuff said.

And people need to stop calling kids good at sports, bullies.

That is annoying me yes.

Volhhg · 11/02/2022 11:04

I can't believe schools are still doing this how awful

thing47 · 11/02/2022 11:05

Picking teams on ability for an inter-school match, or an inter-house competition is OK (OP says her DS plays competitive football outside school so I'm sure he understands the concept of relative ability).

Doing the same for a class PE lesson is totally unnecessary. That is an all-ability class, presumably, so the emphasis should be on enjoyment and exercise and in that case it's much better if the teachers sorts it out.

DS coaches sport to primary age children and would approach the all-ability class sessions in a completely different way from the teams playing competitively.

imagen · 11/02/2022 11:06

@Quincythequince

imagen who has said bullying is minor? Who has said that?

Why is being picked in line with your ability, bullying?

Would it be bullying to make sure the more able kids got picked last just to accommodate the less able ones?

Would that be ok? Would it make sense? Do you think everybody wouldn’t know why that was being done, this making it worse.

Peer engagement and building teams is an important skill to learn, done with kindness and reasoned choices.

There is nothing wrong with this.

Stop calling more able children bullies.

It’s just not true.

Reading comprehension. Spend less time in PE picking people last and more I'm English class.

It was a question- why is this ok and not bullying, especially as it's usually part of bullying?

Somethingsnappy · 11/02/2022 11:09

@Quincythequince

Who the hell sits there whispering about kids who aren’t good at sport? Who is doing this whispering? What are you in about?

Talk about projecting.

My goodness. I read through all your comments, thinking, 'maybe she doesn't quite understand the crux of the issue, or perhaps not read the whole thread'. This comment confirmed it.
trumpisagit · 11/02/2022 11:14

It's not great by the teacher but it's exactly what the kids do at play time or at the park.
I would work on building your son's confidence, and help him find sports he is better at.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 11:16

So bullying is also minor? What's the difference, especially if team picking is used as a tool. Why do you WANT team picking by students is what I do not understand

My comprehension is fine imagen! Don’t be disingenuous, your narrative here implies it’s similar and that someone has previously mentioned it

I can infer just fine thanks, you however can’t reason, nor write very persuasively either.

And I’m not a PE teacher, and I also did very well in school, and since then too. An all-rounder you might say - except for Art, I’m terrible at that. Really really bad.

I won’t mention my achievements of course, you might get upset because it’s probably not fair.

Lizzy1980 · 11/02/2022 11:18

I remember the feeling like it was yesterday. I was always the last to be picked because I was and still am crap at all sports! Like your Son though I excelled at other things and you do have to learn to accept that you can’t always be first in everything. I agree that it’s a lazy and unpleasant way for teachers to pick teams but by going to see his teacher every time he’s upset you won’t be doing him any favours, especially if the other kids become aware of this. If this became a regular occurrence though I could understand and I would hope that the teacher did not allow the same child to be picked last every time. I’m hoping that PE teachers aren’t the sadists they were in my day

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 11:19

Picking teams is not bullying. No matter how you try to dress this up, it’s not.

And I do get it, I get that occasion (which this is) peer selection is fine.

Good luck in the real world if you’ve never had to relate to your peers this way.

Are people forgetting there was a teache present. Is he/she a bully too imagen, using your warped logic.

ChocolateDigestivesMmmm · 11/02/2022 11:41

I've done very well in the "real world". Good education and career, nice family and house, lots of friends and hobbies like swimming, hiking and two winter sports, one of them at a club at decent amateur competition level. I
love the challenge and the benefits of exercise.
However. At school I was one of the last to be picked for teams. I was actually athletic but not popular socially. It was always the same few popular girls who got to pick the teams and they always picked their friends first, then the next clique in the popularity pecking order, and finally me and my friends. It was nothing to do with being good at sport or not, just one of many forms of insidious bullying at my school, and yes it is bullying!
It taught me no "resilience" whatsoever. Never have I faced anything remotely similar in the "real world"!

maddy68 · 11/02/2022 11:49

Really?

Juniper68 · 11/02/2022 11:51

@Quincythequince

Picking teams is not bullying. No matter how you try to dress this up, it’s not.

And I do get it, I get that occasion (which this is) peer selection is fine.

Good luck in the real world if you’ve never had to relate to your peers this way.

Are people forgetting there was a teache present. Is he/she a bully too imagen, using your warped logic.

Teachers can be bullies. We had some right bastards when I was at school.
Swipe left for the next trending thread