Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS Last one picked in PE

483 replies

GoldenLightNights · 09/02/2022 22:32

AIBU to contact the teacher with regards to this:

DS is 9, he’s a wonderful child, great at all things science and maths related but not so much at sports. He plays football outside of school for one of the lower ability teams and sort of enjoys it, he isn’t forced to play or anything like that.

Anyway today at school he had PE, we’ve never had any issues before but today for some reason the teacher let two boys pick teams and my son was the last to be picked. He is quite upset especially as one of the boys doing the picking is a close friend.
Anyway I find the idea of letting other children pick teams horrendous and if not my son some child will be picked last. I actually thought this method of choosing teams was done away with years ago!
I want to contact the teacher to ask if he would consider adopting a new approach to team selection. My husband says I’m jumping the gun and to wait to see if it happens again…… so what do you think?
He was properly upset this evening 😢

OP posts:
Momijin · 11/02/2022 09:24

@Petsop

Think you are helicoptering here. When you are academically bright as it sounds like your son is, he gets to be great in the classroom several times a week. Top set. Great grades. Better life prospects. Other kids in his class will spend all their time in the classroom not being the bright ones - and don’t they know it. Streamed into the bottom set, never getting more than a C even with their biggest effort. Being made fun of for being the ‘thick ones.’

On the sports pitch, sometimes this is those kids time to shine. And your sons turn to feel what it’s like to not be the best and how to treat others. Needs to work both ways.

From someone who was shit academically but a natural sportswoman :)

Doesn't necessarily match up! Two of my kids are excellent at sports and also in all the top sets. Some of their sporty friends are also the ones excelling academically.

Anyway it is a horrible practice. Even as the picker having to choose between friends is horrible.

D0lphine · 11/02/2022 09:25

I'm surprised people have such strong opinions about a relatively minor thing.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 09:31

If this happened every week, it would be different. But it hasn’t. It’s happened once.

My boys are all at sec school (all boys school) and they are a deeply competitive school.

What the teachers say is ‘those who want to do top set rugby for games head ups to the field’. The rest of you, we’ll stay here!

There’s 180 of them and they self sort pretty well.

I know this because I ask my older two how it works out, and I ask my youngest (less sporty) too.

You may get a the odd boy who plays down one week, and someone who is good, but not elite, play up.

But at the end of they day they realise they are best grouped together.

I think people here have horrid stereotypes of nerdy embarrassing maths pupils, and able sportsmen too.

It’s a sad indictment really.

Some of the responses here remind me of the

‘Your parents fuck you up they do’ poem

imagen · 11/02/2022 09:51

@imagen

Ehh?? I know maths competitions ARE NOT humiliating, my point is not being picked doesn't upset anyone.

imagen · 11/02/2022 09:53

@D0lphine

I'm surprised people have such strong opinions about a relatively minor thing.

It's not minor to kids being whispered about l, blamed, humiliated on a weekly basis. Usually goes hand in hand with bullying outside of PE too - not like sporty kids are huffing about their friend (who's not good at netball) being put on their team.

If it's minor, why don't we just change the practice.

I thought you and others said it was fundamental to resilience. Now it's minor and doesn't matter...

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:00

Who the hell sits there whispering about kids who aren’t good at sport?
Who is doing this whispering?
What are you in about?

Talk about projecting.

imagen · 11/02/2022 10:01

@Quincythequince

Who the hell sits there whispering about kids who aren’t good at sport? Who is doing this whispering? What are you in about?

Talk about projecting.

Why are you even in the discussion if you're this clueless. ' I don't want X on the team, they can't even catch'.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:04

[quote imagen]@imagen

Ehh?? I know maths competitions ARE NOT humiliating, my point is not being picked doesn't upset anyone. [/quote]
Maybe not!
But the default option shouldn’t just be not to be upset.
That’s an incredibly low bar you’ve set.

ONCE AGAIN, and I believe you are purposely ignoring this, or not reading the thread, this has happened once!

Teams aren’t picked by kids, nor should they be, every week m.

Nobody has said that.

But if you aren’t good at sport, or can’t be arsed, you can expect to be picked near bottom.

Fact of life!

Why do we hold kids to these standards m, that we as adults would meet.

I wouldn’t pick lazy, or unable people for a team, if it was for a competition

Why would anybody do that?

And if you picked less able/lazy people first, they would be 🤨

If that was true for kids ok a playground, you’d draw even more attention to them.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:06

Your example at 10:01 would be bullying.

And that’s not ok.

You are inferring that better sportspeople, bully less able ones, when in actual fact they would probably be too focussed on their own game to care.

Do you even have kids?

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:09

Your View of sporty children, is quite frankly shocking.

Lot of stereotyping on this thread.

Yours. The person who’s said maths wasn’t cool etc.

You really are projecting, or you don’t have kids. Or you kids are at a school where they don’t manage children’s behaviour properly.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:10

imagen it’s primary school sports, not an episode of Dance Moms

Blame, humiliation, whispered about… what are you on about.

MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2022 10:13

Teams aren’t picked by kids, nor should they be, every week

If you don’t think it’s good enough to be repeated why do it this way at all?

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:19

@MarshaBradyo

Teams aren’t picked by kids, nor should they be, every week

If you don’t think it’s good enough to be repeated why do it this way at all?

Because it’s one example of how things are done and needs to be managed. Why shouldn’t there be a infrequent opportunity to allow better sportspeople to pick teams? Why not?

You will be chosen in life based on many attributes at many points in time.

Imagine getting to 16 and not realising that not everything is fair, and that sometimes things happen based on meritocracy.

My son was in the first round pick for D of E?

Did he expect it, did he cry a out. Sis he beat his chest in anguish and feel he was being whispered about?!
No!

He just assumed there were better people chosen!

Perfectly balanced response IMO - but then Imve never taught him everything has to be fair.

He got through when someone chosen over him dropped out, he was ok with this.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:19

My son wasn’t in first round pick

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:22

I swear I don’t go in for this modern description of snowflake children, but reading about how people are affronted by this ONE incident on here, is a real eye opener.

Life is not fair!

Learning th at infrequently at school, is probably a good introduction to this.

Being bullied is not ok - but that’s not what happened here.

MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2022 10:22

Quincy I think they’ll know, easily, without this needing to happen even on ad hoc level.

The dc know who is good (that’s why they can pick so well), there’s no way a child will get to 16 without working out if they are good at sport or not.

Plenty of opportunities to shine and show your talent without the downsides of this.

MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2022 10:24

This really isn’t the only way for dc to know they are good, nor is it the best. Which is why most schools have moved on.

There are still many ways for dc to be recognised if they are good at something,

I wonder why people hold on to it so strongly.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:26

@MarshaBradyo

Quincy I think they’ll know, easily, without this needing to happen even on ad hoc level.

The dc know who is good (that’s why they can pick so well), there’s no way a child will get to 16 without working out if they are good at sport or not.

Plenty of opportunities to shine and show your talent without the downsides of this.

Why shouldn’t good sportspeople, get to, on occasion, pick their own teams?

Why?

For the kids they that are only good at sports, abs there will be some like this, why shouldn’t they get to do this.

Clearly the OPs sons wasn’t picked because he was a friend (which many people say happened) because he OP said that herself so the kid picking was making tactical choices, not just picking his mates.

Should he have just picked his mates? Would that have been more acceptable?

Should they be forced to pick a girl when told too too?

Or should they just make their own decision and pick a team.

What is wrong with being last sometimes? Or on the Bench sometimes?

Please tell me.

D0lphine · 11/02/2022 10:28

I thought you and others said it was fundamental to resilience. Now it's minor and doesn't matter...

Well I think it is minor and doesn't really matter in the scheme of things and therefore it's a good tool to practice resilience. So when something big comes up it's less of a nightmare for them to deal with.

I'm just really surprised people think it's the worst thing ever! It's really not! Grin

D0lphine · 11/02/2022 10:29

What is wrong with being last sometimes? Or on the Bench sometimes?

Yea I agree! No biggie for well adjusted kids.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:29

@MarshaBradyo

This really isn’t the only way for dc to know they are good, nor is it the best. Which is why most schools have moved on.

There are still many ways for dc to be recognised if they are good at something,

I wonder why people hold on to it so strongly.

Peer recognition is key! Children need to learn how to manage themselves sometimes, under supervision.

I’m amazed that people don’t see this.

I’m also amazed that people have such h low opinion of children in sports.

I think that there are many who need to deal with their own issues first.

I’m just going to go and have a cry now because I am utterly shit at art, properly terrible at it, and not one of my posters ever for shortlisted, ever, for an art competition entry! Because it’s not fair! It’s just not.

🙄

MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2022 10:30

What is wrong with being last sometimes? Or on the Bench sometimes?

This is what I’m saying. There is still this. Being last in a race, or on the bench. So it’s easy to drop this team picking part as it makes some dc feel even worse.

Separate it out. Dc won’t be totally unaware of what their aptitude is without this.

MarshaBradyo · 11/02/2022 10:32

I’m equally surprised by how adamant posters are it must stay even though most schools have recognised it’s not good practice.

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:33

The fact of the matter is, teams are selected on ability!

No amount of mollycoddling will ever change that.

You’re not good at football!! That’s ok. Everyone gets their chance to shake sometimes.

Everyone.

Teach your kids resilience!

Quincythequince · 11/02/2022 10:34

@MarshaBradyo

I’m equally surprised by how adamant posters are it must stay even though most schools have recognised it’s not good practice.
Nobody said it should stay and be the go to, default option all the time. What we’re talking about it that in this one instance, once, it it that big of a deal.

And on occasion, it’s ok.