DS Last one picked in PE

[GoldenLightNights]

AIBU to contact the teacher with regards to this:

DS is 9, he’s a wonderful child, great at all things science and maths related but not so much at sports. He plays football outside of school for one of the lower ability teams and sort of enjoys it, he isn’t forced to play or anything like that.

Anyway today at school he had PE, we’ve never had any issues before but today for some reason the teacher let two boys pick teams and my son was the last to be picked. He is quite upset especially as one of the boys doing the picking is a close friend.
Anyway I find the idea of letting other children pick teams horrendous and if not my son some child will be picked last. I actually thought this method of choosing teams was done away with years ago!
I want to contact the teacher to ask if he would consider adopting a new approach to team selection. My husband says I’m jumping the gun and to wait to see if it happens again…… so what do you think?
He was properly upset this evening 😢

In primary school (OPs son’s age group - so let’s bring it back to that), they routinely do spelling comps, maths comps, science comps etc

Are you telling me that children not being chosen for this and performing well in this because they are was able, should be chosen instead of others who are, to be fair?

Honestly!

I don’t think it’s about issues but what makes good practice or not.

There is little benefit to this approach, but there are downsides, I assume that’s what has been recognised and picked up on by most schools. Some are lagging on it still.

Dc will still know if they are performing well at sport without it - through scoring high, coming first etc

I think to be fair the only sport in which you don’t actively come across a high percentage of high achievers, is football!

It’s simply not true for the rest.

I am absolutely shocked that an adult, is calling a child good at maths, a boffin and an egghead!

Imagine a kid saying that to another kid in school?!

But guess what, they don’t l! They don’t give a shit.

This has happened once.
Once!

The OP said herself.

Get a grip people. If this was a continued problem, fair enough, but it’s not.

@Quincythequince

In primary school (OPs son’s age group - so let’s bring it back to that), they routinely do spelling comps, maths comps, science comps etc

Are you telling me that children not being chosen for this and performing well in this because they are was able, should be chosen instead of others who are, to be fair?

Honestly!

less able

@Quincythequince

It would be outdated because I am talking about my experience as a child/teen and I'm middle-aged.

Your mileage may vary but this was my experience.

Doesn't make me thick as you suggest, obviously just a different experience.

Why do you feel the need to personally insult strangers on the internet for holding a different opinion to you? Is your ego really so fragile?

To add it should be obvious that kids don't use the words "cool, boffin, egghead" as these are 80's slang when I was at school.

And you think I don't have a grasp on this?

I haven’t called you think.
I said you are being ridiculous, which you are.

I don’t have a fragile ego at all no. But I don’t go around perpetuating unhelpful tropes about groups of children based on what they are or aren’t good at either.

You didn’t say it was your experience either! You spoke present tense about how children are now. I took it at face value.

thick

God, I need to stop multitasking.

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

To add it should be obvious that kids don't use the words "cool, boffin, egghead" as these are 80's slang when I was at school.

And you think I don't have a grasp on this?

Type what you mean!

You didn’t say in my experience did you.

You spoke present tense about the perception of children today, which is in accurate.

And you’ve just proven an earlier point that a lot of this comes from the shitty PE lessons of yesteryear.

Most kids don’t give a crap about other kids ability, and inclusion means that for sports in particular, mediocrity doesn’t mean people can’t join in.

And to further add, despite getting picked fairly early on because of my seemingly athletic appearance, I truly didn't give a crap whether my team won or lost and put in the absolute minimum effort required.

Did the team pickers learn from this and leave me till last with the small, fat and disabled? No, no they did not. I was chosen on appearance and, as has been mentioned, on whether I was in with the "in-crowd".

Completely ableist, completely discriminatory and absolutely supported by the teachers (IN THE 80'S)...and still happening now it seems.

I was that kid and it does stay with you. It was really ingrained in me that I was no good at sport and that put me off physical exercise later on. Yeah I’d have a word with the school.

@Quincythequince

imagen thanks for shouting, you def got your point across 😂

Maths competitions are based on ability. You will never ever be able to compete and showcase your maths if you are less able! Being put in a lower sets (or being lower ability as this or primary school remember) means you will never be picked for it, no matter how much you want to!

Fact!

I was in top set always and never got picked. Frankly, I didn't want to, so I doubt a child who didn't like maths would either. It's not like they read out the names of those who aren't good enough. They just pick the top 6 in the year group

(Secondary l, cant remember primary, it was a decade ago)

So if you used to put in the minimum effort required, that’s on you! Just because you don’t give a crap if your team wins or loses, why shouldn’t others.

You’ve just partially reinforced and explained exactly why under these circumstances, teams are chosen the way they are.

If you’re meant to be playing a game with a view to point scoring, why would anybody choose you if you don’t give a crap about playing properly.

I sure as hell wouldn’t. I would chose a lower ability person who actually tried, every single time, than someone who didn’t try.

I think if you immediately get on the phone to complain the message your son will get is that this is truly awful and the fact that he is considered the least good at football is truly awful and shaming.

But you could say, something like this instead which I think would help your DS more:

"well, DS, I can see that you felt embarrassed and it might be nice if they chose teams a different way. But this is the way they did it this time, and sadly you were last to be picked. It's not cos your friends don't like you, they were picking their best team. And maybe you are not the most skilful at football. And that's ok! You play and you enjoy it. You can't be expert at everything. The people who are really strong are those who can try something hard and enjoy even without being the best. So I get that you felt uncomfortable but it's ok. You don't need to feel so bad. And I'm very proud of you for being a good team player and joining in and trying hard even when you were last picked. More proud than if you were brilliant at football and always first picked. Well done son I love you xx"

@Bumpsadaisie

I think if you immediately get on the phone to complain the message your son will get is that this is truly awful and the fact that he is considered the least good at football is truly awful and shaming.

But you could say, something like this instead which I think would help your DS more:

"well, DS, I can see that you felt embarrassed and it might be nice if they chose teams a different way. But this is the way they did it this time, and sadly you were last to be picked. It's not cos your friends don't like you, they were picking their best team. And maybe you are not the most skilful at football. And that's ok! You play and you enjoy it. You can't be expert at everything. The people who are really strong are those who can try something hard and enjoy even without being the best. So I get that you felt uncomfortable but it's ok. You don't need to feel so bad. And I'm very proud of you for being a good team player and joining in and trying hard even when you were last picked. More proud than if you were brilliant at football and always first picked. Well done son I love you xx"

Should add that I write as the mum of a DS who is the worst player on his team and usually spends most of the matches on the bench.

But he loves it and he is ok with it and it has been great for his development. Valuable lesson too.

Sweeping generalisations there imagen

I love how people on here think it’s ok for them to either not are about a subject/task, or not try, and they assume others should be the same!

I was top set in all subjects and played competitive in sport too.

It would have been bad for unable children to be paired with me as a child, or children like me, and bad for me to have to play with them. Nobody wins!

A pick one per team each time makes teams even for skill, so all kids can play.

So the odd person is upset about being picked last.

Unless you’re actively being bullied for it (which is a different story altogether and should be dealt with), and it’s a one off, that’s life.

The teacher can’t assign things fairly all the time. You’re setting kids up to fail in life is you embed that expectation.

@Quincythequince

So if you used to put in the minimum effort required, that’s on you! Just because you don’t give a crap if your team wins or loses, why shouldn’t others.

You’ve just partially reinforced and explained exactly why under these circumstances, teams are chosen the way they are.

If you’re meant to be playing a game with a view to point scoring, why would anybody choose you if you don’t give a crap about playing properly.

I sure as hell wouldn’t. I would chose a lower ability person who actually tried, every single time, than someone who didn’t try.

Are you talking to me? Nobody likes maths competitions. I am on the side of kids here, not being forced to do stuff that's embarrassing 🤨

Oh, you are. Fairness is not applicable to all. Don't complain about bullying either then, such is life apparently-

what the difference, why is bullying bad but humiliation ok to you?

Agree with bumps

I have three sons, two are elite athletes and one is ok, but average.

However, he excels at art and I quite brilliant at it.

He still plays football etc and I tell him just to enjoy it.

He doesn’t get picked for A or B teams and guess what, he knows it’s ok.

@imagen

Oh, you are. Fairness is not applicable to all. Don't complain about bullying either then, such is life apparently-

what the difference, why is bullying bad but humiliation ok to you?

We are not talking about bullying here.

The OPs sons has not been bullied,

Bullying is absolutely not ok.

LOL.

Why is maths embarrassing?

I think the parents moaning about this, have far more of a focus on sports, than the people who are actually better at it.

Nonimagen I wasn’t talking to you. I was taking to sleep

@imagen

Oh, you are. Fairness is not applicable to all. Don't complain about bullying either then, such is life apparently-

what the difference, why is bullying bad but humiliation ok to you?

You are assuming this is done with the intention of humiliating someone.

If you are humiliated because you aren’t picked near the top, because you aren’t near the best, you need to look inwardly.

This is like a ‘everyone should get a gold medal’ scenario.

Renders it pointless really doesn’t it.

If children are bothered not being good at everything, and being bad at some things (which we all are), that’s down to the parents to work on them with.

You will sometimes be last… and that’s ok.

This has happened ONCE to the OPs son.

Once!