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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS Last one picked in PE

483 replies

GoldenLightNights · 09/02/2022 22:32

AIBU to contact the teacher with regards to this:

DS is 9, he’s a wonderful child, great at all things science and maths related but not so much at sports. He plays football outside of school for one of the lower ability teams and sort of enjoys it, he isn’t forced to play or anything like that.

Anyway today at school he had PE, we’ve never had any issues before but today for some reason the teacher let two boys pick teams and my son was the last to be picked. He is quite upset especially as one of the boys doing the picking is a close friend.
Anyway I find the idea of letting other children pick teams horrendous and if not my son some child will be picked last. I actually thought this method of choosing teams was done away with years ago!
I want to contact the teacher to ask if he would consider adopting a new approach to team selection. My husband says I’m jumping the gun and to wait to see if it happens again…… so what do you think?
He was properly upset this evening 😢

OP posts:
jadedagain · 10/02/2022 13:46

If this was a one off YABU. If this was a regular thing, then yes I would raise it with the school. As someone who was always picked last for teams, I know how awful it can feel and this was every week! However, I was good at other things and I knew that and so did everyone else. I think we need to be careful to raise our children with a little more resilience.
Also, what about the children who everyone knows are on the 'bottom table' for maths. Do you care about that? Because believe me children know about it and some really feel it. It makes me sad that we can't let different children get some confidence boosting in other areas (sadly it may not always be different children). If its just the one time, I'd be saying never mind different children have different things they are good at. Its life!

worriedatthemoment · 10/02/2022 13:51

@edwinbear yes exactly its about teaching kind behaviour

Rosebel · 10/02/2022 13:53

If your son is 9 and it's the first time then I'd let it go. If it's a regular thing I'd talk to the school.
I absolutely hated PE at school and was always picked last but thought all schools had a better method now

Sassifrass · 10/02/2022 13:54

I’m reminded of the time my (not at all good at sport) cousin came home from school and announced proudly, ‘Mum, I was CAPTAIN of the dregs today!’

MarshaBradyo · 10/02/2022 13:54

There’s a reason it’s not thought to be good practise anymore

Most schools are likely aware, you’d hope.

Topseyt · 10/02/2022 14:09

@CoastalWave

Hmm. I really don't agree with the teacher getting the kids to do this..

However..

ANY way you do it , there will be a kid who is 'last' Either their name is read out last, or if you wrote it down, there'll be a child at the bottom of the list.

How can you do it so no child is read out last? Genuine question..

Give out numbers or letters. Numbers 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3 or letters A, B, C, A, B, C, A, B, C.

Then say all no. 1s are a team, all no. 2s are a team, all no. 3s are a team. Same with the letters if using that. Nobody need to be named as first or last and the teams will be random and mixed ability.

Topseyt · 10/02/2022 14:12

Or, teachers stream students according to ability and set the teams themselves rather than asking other children to select their own teams. So they are simply told which teams they will be playing in and no choice is given.

Bettysnow · 10/02/2022 14:13

Long time since i was at school but i remember this sort of thing well especially the boys football teams. I remember one poor boy was always left standing alone his face bright red. Even as a young teen i felt so bad for him to be humiliated every week like that. Im shocked this is still happening in schools

Kanaloa · 10/02/2022 14:19

@AnEpisodeOfEastenders

Do you think the parents of those who are better at sport contact the school when their child comes last in a maths or science test? You can't fight your sons battles - accept that he's better academically than physically and explain to him it's OK to be last sometimes.
If my child was pulled up and his peers were encouraged to point out he was bottom of the class in maths you can believe I would be contacting the school. It’s ridiculous to pretend that would ever happen though, because everyone knows that pointing out those who struggle isn’t the right way to let those who don’t struggle shine.
GrolliffetheDragon · 10/02/2022 14:28

I agree if same are always last its not good but if the pickers are different all the time then it should mic it up

If bullying is involved there's a reasonable chance that the only way no to be picked last is if it was your turn to pick.

The issue here, isn't the process of assigning teams, it's how the children behave when doing so. Shouting, jeering, rolling eyes, whispering etc? That's the behaviour that needs to be managed and stamped out by the teacher, not the actual methodology. DS's PE teacher would have any children who behaved like that in detention for a month if they were so unkind to another pupil.

Again, if bullying is involved the child will just be made to pay in some other way when the teacher isn't watching.

Piggy42 · 10/02/2022 14:33

YANBU, it’s a lazy, and cruel way to pick teams.

Whatisthepointinthis · 10/02/2022 14:38

“Are you one of these who calls people "snowflakes" and says "we didn't have mental health issues in my day"?”

@HootOwl

I agree with you that picking teams this way is unkind, but I do sometimes wonder why mental health issues seem to be much worse nowadays despite our supposed “kinder” ways of doing things.

Somethingsnappy · 10/02/2022 14:48

@Whatisthepointinthis

“Are you one of these who calls people "snowflakes" and says "we didn't have mental health issues in my day"?”

@HootOwl

I agree with you that picking teams this way is unkind, but I do sometimes wonder why mental health issues seem to be much worse nowadays despite our supposed “kinder” ways of doing things.

I think recognised now, rather than worse!
SweetJasmine17 · 10/02/2022 15:11

@SquirrelG

I was always picked last! I didn’t care, my talents were in dance but definitely not anything that required a ball. It didn’t affect me OP, in fact I laugh about it today!

It didn't bother me either. I knew I was hopeless at sport so being picked last (or almost last) was something I expected. It hasn't affected my life at all.

You're in the minority unfortunately. I wasn't really picked last but o got yelled at in netball and it put me off team sports forever. I had to sit out and act like I wasn't crying.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 10/02/2022 15:14

People talk about mental health more these days - there is still stigma but at least depression and anxiety is no longer seen as a moral failing anymore.
Thing is, how does competitive sport teach people about techinque, fitness, how to avoid injuries and how to work with injuries?
Nothing.
All it did was cement my position as a social pariah. That and being the shortest in the class by 20cm more often and not. I am naturally strong and have good stamina but poor coordination but was there any effort put into actually teaching useful team sport skillls? no.

I did learn how to meditate and to treat PE as an inconvience that would be done away with post GCSE and that life as an adult would be immesurably better once I was able to never see the majority of people I went to school with ever again.

I learned how to do chin ups from YouTube.

Mommabear20 · 10/02/2022 15:18

Seriously??

They need to learn to deal with being picked last, or not at all, as a kid otherwise you end up with adults that think the world revolves around them! I know from experience it's not a nice feeling but that's life!
I'd sit down with you kids and explain to them that you can't always be first!

tradition · 10/02/2022 15:26

I've often thought a better way to do it would be for the pe teacher to appoint the 2 weakest pupils (whether they knew they were the worst or not) as the team captains to do the picking.

It would be interesting to see whether they would also pick the 'best' pupils at sports to be on their team.

SweetJasmine17 · 10/02/2022 15:26

@Flickflak

Meh. Life isn’t fair. Kids need to build resilience. You said “someone will always be last”. Well…. yeah.

Let me guess, you were the chill bully. Where is your empathy, do you not have children yourself? It's not fair and a completely avoidable problem.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 10/02/2022 15:28

I think is perfectly obvious that you cannot be first but when you consider PE is supposed to teach you physical literacy that is not the time and place.

To hell with 'that's life'.

How does this teach people about their body?how to keep it fit and strong? what their strengths and weaknesse are? How people develop at different rates? That you cannot outrun a bad diet? How puberty affects skills and performace?

Absolutely nothing. And it usually teaches nothing other children don't already know in terms of relative atheltic skill - that is a public thing you see at breaktimes.

And as an adult I have yet to be in a situation when people have fought over not having me on their team or cheer when I leave a certain group. that is EXACTLY the same as a rejection letter....

Juniper68 · 10/02/2022 15:33

GoldenLightNights did you ring? It's outdated and awful.

Those saying suck it up probably have sporty dcs.

pollypokcet · 10/02/2022 16:18

@bangaverage

Resilience doesn't seem to be something people aspire to or want to instil in their child anymore.
All I'm hearing is bullying is acceptable. This does not need to happen, we can build resilience in constructive ways or through inevitable life experiences- humiliating children is not building resilience it's creating mental health problems.
worriedatthemoment · 10/02/2022 16:41

@Kanaloa but it does happen you think clever kids don't laugh at those who fail tests , or comment on them and laugh ? Of course they do my dc have had it happen,
We should be teaching kids to be kind and nice regardless but don't make out it only happens in sports and only the sporty kids behave like this

worriedatthemoment · 10/02/2022 16:43

@JohnMcCainsDeathStare school pe is about excercise its not teaching them the rest thats of you opt to take pe as a gcse
They learn about body in biology
School pe is generally about getting some exercise and trying some new sports , learning new skills

worriedatthemoment · 10/02/2022 16:43

@GrolliffetheDragon where has the OP said bullying is involved
Bullying isn't exclusive to PE

MarshaBradyo · 10/02/2022 16:45

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Kanaloa but it does happen you think clever kids don't laugh at those who fail tests , or comment on them and laugh ? Of course they do my dc have had it happen,
We should be teaching kids to be kind and nice regardless but don't make out it only happens in sports and only the sporty kids behave like this [/quote]
Teaching kindness can also be done by the school not putting in place processes like this. Probably why it’s not good practise anymore.

It’s so easily dropped.

Sporty dc can still excel. Why keep it?