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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd name

98 replies

a1l320n · 09/02/2022 15:22

I’ve given my new born daughter daughter a name.

It is the same name as my brother’s wife sisters daughter. We live far away from my sister in law’s sister (150 miles) and I last saw her 4 years ago at her wedding with no plans to meet again - ie we don’t socialise together/live near by/or see eachother at all. I’ve no idea if we will meet again. Their daughter is 8 months old.

Is there a problem in having the same name? I didn’t think it would cause an issue. But it has.

I’ve had this name chosen for over 5 years (with messages to my dh to prove it) and didn’t think it would be an issue given the physical distance and that she’s not an immediate sibling or someone I have a daily/weekly/monthly interaction with.

OP posts:
00100001 · 09/02/2022 15:24

So she has the same name as a very distant cousin?

So what

Comedycook · 09/02/2022 15:25

I wouldn't think that would be an issue. Is it very unusual?

00100001 · 09/02/2022 15:25

And i use cousin in a very very loose sense..... She's not related at all ..

Namechangehereandnow · 09/02/2022 15:25

People are stupid over names imo. It doesn’t matter why you choose a name, even if you directly copy it from someone else - it’s a name, anyone can have it 🤷🏻‍♀️
Ignore anyone giving you grief.
Congratulations 💐

Dontbeadobber · 09/02/2022 15:26

I think she has the same name as her cousin’s cousin 🤣
They don’t own the name, that’s ridiculously far removed to even think about!

Aquamarine1029 · 09/02/2022 15:27

Anyone bothered by this is ridiculous. This is called a "them" problem.

SingingSands · 09/02/2022 15:27

It's not your problem - it's their problem.

Enjoy your baby daughter and her lovely name and don't even give this another second of your time Smile

peachgreen · 09/02/2022 15:28

So essentially your brother and sister-in-law have two nieces with the same name? I can see that could be mildly irritating but not enough to make a fuss over. As MN is so fond of saying, nobody owns a name!

Blinkingheckythump · 09/02/2022 15:29

Fgs they don't own the name and it's not even their cousin it's their cousins cousin. So daft to get worked up over it

IsDaveThere · 09/02/2022 15:30

I don't think it is an issue for you at all, you can call her what you like. It might cause a bit of confusion for your DB and SIL having two nieces with the same name, but that is their problem, not yours.

Fivebeanchilli · 09/02/2022 15:30

So your sil has two nieces with the same name but on different sides of the family?
I have a niece on my dh's side with the same name as my sister's child (so the identical scenario).
How could it even be an issue? They might meet at my children's weddings or my funeral but other than that they really never will.
I can't understand how anyone can object to anyone using a name in this scenario.
(And I actually would never use a name if a friend or family member had used it).

CanofCant · 09/02/2022 15:30

They're being daft, YANBU. I have cousin's on both sides that share names, afaik none of their parents have ever mentioned it.

Try your best to ignore them and don't let it spoil this time for you.

User8721643839 · 09/02/2022 15:31

I remember someone picking my DD name, but then gave my head a wobble.

They'll get over it. If she says anything, say No, I picked it first but you had a girl first

Toomanypeople · 09/02/2022 15:33

I have cousins on opposite sides of the family with the same name, never been an issue. Dh has 2 cousins on same side of family with same name even that is never an issue

Goldfishmountainclimber · 09/02/2022 15:36

Who is bothered, OP?
It seems a bit odd.

Allpenguinsarepingus · 09/02/2022 15:38

I’m guessing the other little girl’s parents don’t actually care? Your DB and SIL need to take a deep breathe and look at this from the point of view of the two girls and their parents. It’s a total non issue. They and their kids can add something to help tell their cousins/nieces apart. Big Sarah and Little Sarah. Or Sarah Jones and Sarah Smith. Or if their are more kids they’ll probably all get mentioned in the same breath so it’ll be obvious. Eg. ‘Amy, Toby and Sarah’ are coming to visit next weekend.

Lavender24 · 09/02/2022 15:39

YANBU. Use the name and ignore them.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/02/2022 15:39

Is there a problem in having the same name? I didn’t think it would cause an issue. But it has

No sane person would have a problem with this so in conclusion whoever does have a problem is clearly batshit.

merryhouse · 09/02/2022 15:44

Tell her you know someone on Mumsnet who has the same name as her own first cousin

(I mean, they'd moved to the other side of the world by the time I was born, but still...)

I had a cousin called David on each side, too. Come to think of it, I also had an Uncle David on each side Grin

amusedbush · 09/02/2022 15:45

They're not even related, though! My dad has 40 first cousins, each of whom have at least 2 children. Half of them are called John Grin

On my mum's side, her cousin John (not joking), called his two sons John and Jack... which means John Grin

So, tell your DB and SIL that story and assure them it could be worse.

FancySusan · 09/02/2022 16:01

That's crazy. I've got the same name as my actual cousin and we are 47 now and we have only ever been in a confusing name situation once in our lives.

They were pregnant at the same time and I was born first and named and my mum's brother's wife said 'oh, we were going to call our baby that if it's a girl' and my mum told her that they still should if that's the name they liked.

People should call their own children the name they want to call them.

sillysmiles · 09/02/2022 16:06

But cousins - actual cousins frequently have the same name - particular if it is a family (GP) name.

Though I think that is more in my generation rather than in currently children. 4 of my siblings have the same names as cousins!

sillysmiles · 09/02/2022 16:07

@amusedbush

They're not even related, though! My dad has 40 first cousins, each of whom have at least 2 children. Half of them are called John Grin

On my mum's side, her cousin John (not joking), called his two sons John and Jack... which means John Grin

So, tell your DB and SIL that story and assure them it could be worse.

John was the name I was thinking of!

Most families of a certain era have a John!

caranations · 09/02/2022 16:09

It's fine.

If anyone mentions it just say "Really? I'd completely forgotten. Fancy that, what a coincidence, great minds think alike!!!"

TabithaHazel · 09/02/2022 16:11

I don’t even know the names of all of my SIL’s nephews and nieces to be honest. This is 100% not a problem
OP - who is saying it is?

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