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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd name

98 replies

a1l320n · 09/02/2022 15:22

I’ve given my new born daughter daughter a name.

It is the same name as my brother’s wife sisters daughter. We live far away from my sister in law’s sister (150 miles) and I last saw her 4 years ago at her wedding with no plans to meet again - ie we don’t socialise together/live near by/or see eachother at all. I’ve no idea if we will meet again. Their daughter is 8 months old.

Is there a problem in having the same name? I didn’t think it would cause an issue. But it has.

I’ve had this name chosen for over 5 years (with messages to my dh to prove it) and didn’t think it would be an issue given the physical distance and that she’s not an immediate sibling or someone I have a daily/weekly/monthly interaction with.

OP posts:

TinaYouFatLard · 21/02/2022 12:04

Of course you can use whatever name you like, especially considering the very loose family connection to you.

It’s silly though to describe the child as your brother’s wife’s sister’s child - she is your brother’s niece.

RuthW · 21/02/2022 12:06

Am I right in thinking your brother/sister in law have two neices of similar age with the same name?

If so, then yes it's a bit odd.

Do you forever want her known as neice surname by family?

SleepingStandingUp · 21/02/2022 12:12

In what way is it causing problems?

Its your siblings nieces name and their partners nieces name, right? So potentially confusing for them if you've both had DC recently but nothing that cane be worked around.

Can we play with Olivia?
Which one?
Aunty Penny's Olivia.

Sorted.

So is it a bit of moaning or are they refusing to use the name (we'll if you call her Olivia we shall only e er call her Livio)?

SleepingStandingUp · 21/02/2022 12:14

@RuthW

Am I right in thinking your brother/sister in law have two neices of similar age with the same name?

If so, then yes it's a bit odd.

Do you forever want her known as neice surname by family?

It's unlikely tho, it's more likely to be Which Olivia? Aunt Penelops Olivia

Which Olivia?
Olivia Higginbottom-Smythe

trumpisagit · 21/02/2022 12:14

@TinaYouFatLard

Of course you can use whatever name you like, especially considering the very loose family connection to you.

It’s silly though to describe the child as your brother’s wife’s sister’s child - she is your brother’s niece.

I disagree that she is brother's niece. I don't have any nieces or nephews. My husband has several, but they are not related to me. They are my children's cousins though.

thing47 · 21/02/2022 12:18

OP, my DD also has a name which is common but which we spell slightly differently (she's named after someone).

I have absolutely no idea what my brother's wife's sister's DCs are called. None. They seem perfectly nice when we meet them but as this happens once every few years and we are not in regular contact it wouldn't even occur to me to consider that. As for brother and his wife, they can get stuffed, they don't get any say in what you choose to call your DD.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/02/2022 12:28

I don't have any nieces or nephews. My husband has several, but they are not related to me. They are my children's cousins though how old were they when you got with DH? If they were already born and you don't have much of a relationship with them I can see why it would be Uncle Dave and Steph but if you were there first, always see them with DH I'd think it odd that you just consider them people rated to your husband and nothing to do with you

HopefulProcrastinator · 21/02/2022 13:06

Just from the centre point of my family...so mother's branch and father's branch I have numerous cousins who have the same name. Within my father's branch alone there are repetitions of names of direct descendants of my gran.

It's no big deal, especially for high popularity 'normal' names.

Your in laws are being ridiculous.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 21/02/2022 14:03

Total non-issue. I’m thinking of the equivalent situation in my own family…I don’t even know the names of some of my sibling’s spouse’s sibling’s children! I cannot understand why it would bother them…they’re not related, they live 150miles away and it sounds like a popular name. It has zero impact on them! Total nonsense. Enjoy your baby.

nancynoname · 22/02/2022 12:24

The relatives getting their knickers in a twist about this need to get a grip.

Two of my cousins (same side of the family) named their daughters' the same first name (so the girls are second cousins). It's never been an issue. Why would it?

The younger girl is named after her grandmother on the opposite side - first/second/last name, so her name was probably picked out years before she was even born. The fact another relative was given the same first name 10 years before that is neither here nor there.

GabriellaMontez · 22/02/2022 12:27

They are nuts. Get your brother in his own and remind him they don't own the name. Then never think about it again.

BobHadBitchTits · 22/02/2022 13:01

I'm trying so hard to remember the names of my SIL's nieces and nephews. I think there's a Zoe.

Anyway, my son has the same name as my mum's cousin's son. And another cousin has the feminine version. It didn't cross my mind that it would be an issue. It hasn't ever been.

People are so weird about names.

SartresSoul · 22/02/2022 13:05

It’s weird when it’s a direct relative or best friend imo but this isn’t even a relative, it’s someone you’ve met once and are unlikely to ever meet again. Bonkers of them to be annoyed.

babyjellyfish · 22/02/2022 13:27

Who has a problem with it?

I have two cousins called Thomas, one on each side of the family.

It's a non issue.

babyjellyfish · 22/02/2022 13:31

Oh I see your update.

So, this would be like my mum and dad, and my mum's sister and her husband, having a strop about the fact that my dad's sister called her son the same very ordinary name as my mum's sister's son.

My mum's sister believes she is the centre of the universe, and not even she would have kicked up a fuss about something as inconsequential as this.

twoshedsjackson · 22/02/2022 13:40

I've posted this before; I have two cousins, one on each side of the family, with the same first name. It was never an issue as it was usually clear which side of the family were being mentioned. The only adaptation we made was my name being used in full, as in shortened form it sounded like the boy's name in shortened form, and I stayed with one family frequently.
If it's a popular name, they're bound to come across someone else bearing it once they start school; I once had a class with 4 Marks and 3 Alexanders, when those names were trending.

tickingthebox73 · 22/02/2022 13:43

My husbands cousin has the same name as our DD (arguably closer relative than you are talking about)
My cousins cousin (i.e. similar to you, a non related cousin) has the same name too.

Its a top 10 girls name - No one has ever mentioned it.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 26/02/2022 14:43

I posted a few days ago on this thread saying I was trying to imagine an equivalent situation in my own family as couldn’t see how it would ever be an issue. Anyway I now realise I do have this exact situation in my family as I have two cousins - one on my Mum’s side and one on my Dad’s side - with the same name.

So in my family situation OP would be my uncle who called his baby boy the same name as his sister’s husband’s (my Mum and Dad) brother’s son. It is frankly laughable that it ever would have caused any problems with my family!

Awrite · 26/02/2022 15:01

My brother has a neice who has the same name as DD. Would never have occurred to me to be bothered.

pinkyredrose · 26/02/2022 15:07

What is thier problem exactly?

2pinkginsplease · 26/02/2022 15:10

They are not related it’s just your brother and his wife have 2 nieces on either side of the family with the same name.

My mum has a nephew on her side of the family and my dads side they have a nephew with the same name. It’s not a problem at all,.

HotWaterAndLemon · 26/02/2022 15:15

YANBU.

bigbeatmanifesto · 26/02/2022 15:24

I will never understand this name stealing trend that is happening recently people are so offended by it, whereas in my family it's a sort of tradition we currently have 9 people with the same name through 4 generations wether used as first or middle names.
It's welcomed in our family they're being weird.

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