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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd name

98 replies

a1l320n · 09/02/2022 15:22

I’ve given my new born daughter daughter a name.

It is the same name as my brother’s wife sisters daughter. We live far away from my sister in law’s sister (150 miles) and I last saw her 4 years ago at her wedding with no plans to meet again - ie we don’t socialise together/live near by/or see eachother at all. I’ve no idea if we will meet again. Their daughter is 8 months old.

Is there a problem in having the same name? I didn’t think it would cause an issue. But it has.

I’ve had this name chosen for over 5 years (with messages to my dh to prove it) and didn’t think it would be an issue given the physical distance and that she’s not an immediate sibling or someone I have a daily/weekly/monthly interaction with.

OP posts:

StrictlySinging · 09/02/2022 18:07

So your brother and his wife have two nieces with the same name - one each side of the family.

Well the problem isn’t the name is it.

Teachers cope with several of each of the top names
In a class sometimes, I have the friends with the same name. Elli B,Ellie from work and Ellie next door, hell my parents had this in fact two nieces called Alison they were Big Alison and Little Alison (70s) and we all coped. In fact I had two Grandmas and two grandads how on earth did I know who was who.

Brush it off. ‘Oh I know? lovely name we picked
It out years ago. Great taste. Gosh hope
you can cope with two beautiful nieces with the same beautiful name lol bit complicated hey.’

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/02/2022 18:16

Bonkers. Honestly just ignore it. Just be breezy cheery and don’t engage, just as you would with kids being silly.

luckylavender · 09/02/2022 18:39

My DS has an unusual name. Think Ben short for Benedict not Benjamin. It's not that. His godmother has another godson a few months younger with the same name. I know them, no issue. I also have friends who named their 1st DS the same name as his slightly (few months) older 1st cousin. No issue.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 09/02/2022 18:51

I knew someone whose middle name was the same as the Queen's, and the Palace didn't kick up a fuss about it.

I don't know if it will all blow up in her face when she's dues a telegraph from the Queen for her 100th birthday.

Sceptre86 · 09/02/2022 19:04

They are daft. My son's name is the same as my sil's nephew (I say nephew but cousin's son). I didn't know or care till she pointed it out. There were no issues as far as I'm aware. I've not met the other child or his parents and if I did I'd just say they have good taste.

twilightcustard · 10/02/2022 00:56

unless you say the name this is a non-post

cuno · 10/02/2022 01:37

No it doesn't matter. When I was pregnant one of my first cousin's name was number one on my list for a boy (I had a girl though), simply because it's my favourite boy's name and goes so well with the surname, and I don't really see that cousin anyway. In fact I totally forgot I had a cousin called that until I was discussing these names with a relative! Didn't change a thing for me though, would still have used it. Loads of people will have the same name whatever you pick, unless you make up something crazy! If you're from a big family and have to veto names from every distant relative, you would be seriously limiting yourself.

Original poster

a1l320n · 10/02/2022 09:24

@twilightcustard

I’d rather not say name. But it was in the top 20 on the most common girl names of 2021.

I’ve not bothered to look how common it was before then. I’ve spelt the name in the usual way.

OP posts:

LydiaFTM · 21/02/2022 09:32

We have two nephews on different sides of the family with the same name and likewise two nieces (though different spellings). We never even thought to raise it as an issue, it's completely irrelevant. They are unlikely to meet very often at all and it certainly doesn't cause any confusion.

Brefugee · 21/02/2022 09:38

Two of my SILs have sons with the same name. One of them was named after a parent, as has been done in their family since time immemorial so it was clear this name would be used. The other sister was always snide about this, and had a son first and... used the name. Caused no end of fights which were entertaining if you weren't in them.

The kids couldn't have cared less, they were close in age, went to the same school and hung out together all the time.

If you want to use a name, use it.

CoastalWave · 21/02/2022 09:46

Ok. I'll go against the thread.

There are literally a MILLION names out there. I don't personally understand why you'd use the same one that the last baby in the family had (presuming she's the last as she's only 8 months old)

Does seem a bit naff! Makes you look like a copy cat!

That said, totally your choice of course! But personally I wouldn't want to do this as it would make me look a bit weird. I'd probably have been irked that she had got there first with the name but definitely would have gone to pick something else.

However, as you say, in the top 20 names.So it's clearly a popular name. Just don't understand why you wouldn't want to put your own 'stamp' so to speak without just copying the last baby?

MrPenguinsPoppers · 21/02/2022 09:53

There was epic fallout in our family when my Mum called me ‘Clare’ (not my real name). It was a name she’d chosen for me 15 years before but I took my time appearing. Her SIL knew this and called her daughter ‘Claire’. The resulting argument meant they all didn’t speak for years. The irony in it all was Claire and I were still close through playing locally.

On the other side of the family to cause complete confusion I had two cousins with identical names. Kerry Smith (first name real, surname not). Both Kerry’s were born within months of each other but one was a girl and the other a boy. They always seemed to enjoy that.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 21/02/2022 09:59

DH has the same name as my Uncle. All it means is that when talking to my parents we sometimes need to clarify which "John" is being discussed.

HP87 · 21/02/2022 10:00

If my ds had been a girl she would have had the same name as her cousins cousin. Wouldn't have been a problem here. We only see the kids cousins cousin at things like christenings and first birthday parties of their cousins

MrPenguinsPoppers · 21/02/2022 10:29

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

DH has the same name as my Uncle. All it means is that when talking to my parents we sometimes need to clarify which "John" is being discussed.

I had four ‘Aunty Kath’s’ growing up. That wasn’t half confusing. Mum had a sister called Kath and a brother who married a Kath. My Dad also had a sister called Kath and a brother who was briefly married to a Kath. My infant brain was fried at this so they were mostly nicknamed other things.

SpiderVersed · 21/02/2022 10:32

I had 3 Uncle Petes and never gave it a moment's thought. Your brother and his wife having two nieces called Petunia (or whatever) is not a problem. Heck, it's one less thing to remember!

If your bro and SIL are making a fuss they are idiots.

zingally · 21/02/2022 10:57

A distant, non-blood relative has the same name... This is absolutely not a problem. If brothers wifes sister has a problem, she can wind her neck in.

I grew up with 2 cousins named Andrew. They were about 15 years apart in age, so were always referred to as Big Andrew and Little Andrew. And because they were different sides of the family, as far as I can recall, they've only met once, at my dad's funeral 4 years ago. And Little Andrew was well into his 30s by then!!

The relationship between them was similar to yours... Thinking from Little Andrew's mums perspective... It would have been "sisters husbands brother" had already had a son called Andrew.

Complete non-issue!

EdithRea · 21/02/2022 11:02

Thousands will have been given that name. I suspect it's a very common name. You have to really pick something very odd to be 'unique' these days. She's a dick if she's whinging over another Ava or Olivia.

Radziwill · 21/02/2022 11:07

@CoastalWave

Ok. I'll go against the thread.

There are literally a MILLION names out there. I don't personally understand why you'd use the same one that the last baby in the family had (presuming she's the last as she's only 8 months old)

Does seem a bit naff! Makes you look like a copy cat!

However, as you say, in the top 20 names.So it's clearly a popular name. Just don't understand why you wouldn't want to put your own 'stamp' so to speak without just copying the last baby?

Why would anyone think she copied the name if it's in the top twenty? If I knew two unrelated people who named their babies Isabella or Emily, it wouldn't even enter my head to think one had copied the other. They're popular names.

CaptainCaveMum · 21/02/2022 11:16

@Cream123 if it makes you feel better.
My sister has a really unusual name. It’s never been in the top 100. I’ve only ever met 3 in my whole life. My SiL heard the name, said ‘that’s nice’ and named her daughter the same. My sister and niece (by marriage) have met once. It’s no issue. Because no one owns a name.

And hilariously the third one is my DD’s best friend who also has that (extremely rare) name.

You crack on with your name choice. Congratulations on your daughter.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 21/02/2022 11:18

I was in the situation where my sister chose the same name for her daughter as my BIL's daughter. Including middle name. She had another name she liked so I asked if she'd consider choosing that - my reasoning was that my 2 kids would have cousins with the same name which I thought might be a bit confusing for them. So I can understand where they're coming from but if they are being more difficult than this they need to give their heads a wobble.

For what it's worth I never mentioned it again, my sister did choose the name she preferred, and it's been totally irrelevant for my kids.

They're being silly, as was I in retrospect.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/02/2022 11:39

That's no problem. Your DD isn't even blood related to this other child.

ILikeYourButt · 21/02/2022 11:52

@CoastalWave

Ok. I'll go against the thread.

There are literally a MILLION names out there. I don't personally understand why you'd use the same one that the last baby in the family had (presuming she's the last as she's only 8 months old)

Does seem a bit naff! Makes you look like a copy cat!

However, as you say, in the top 20 names.So it's clearly a popular name. Just don't understand why you wouldn't want to put your own 'stamp' so to speak without just copying the last baby?

But it’s not her family. It’s her brothers wife’s family.

Glitterygreen · 21/02/2022 11:57

I can't believe they care, they barely know you?!

I can see how SIL and brother might think it's a bit of a pain as both their nieces have the same name, but they are the only crossover. Very weird for anyone to be upset about this.

cherrytopcake · 21/02/2022 12:00

How ridiculous. Tell her to get over herself. People have the same name. She doesn't have the rights over this name... I wouldn't even enter discussions with them. You've made your decision on what to name your OWN child and that's the end of it. Why are some people so precious over things like this ?

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