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Original poster

To ask how often grandparents see/ask about DC?

126 replies

Xsliceoftoast · 09/02/2022 12:50

Hello,

I was just wondering in general if you could tell me how often your parents see/ask about DC and how often your in-laws see/ask about DC?

I just want to compare to see if our circumstances are the norm before I speak to DH, it's a very specific set of circumstances which could be outing if I go into detail so for now it's just a general question to determine if my feelings are valid or if I'm being a precious ftm.

Sorry to be vague but thought I'd ask if a parenting forum.

Thank you

OP posts:
Twokidsanddone · 09/02/2022 20:09

My mum passed away before my kids were born. My dad I hear from maybe once a month if that. He sees the kids maybe 3 times a year. My fiancé's mum sees the kids every couple weeks but phones most days. His dad phones once every week or 2 and sees the kids maybe every 6 weeks

Nailsbythesea · 09/02/2022 20:11

Never

Enko · 09/02/2022 20:12

My dad calla once every 2 weeks . He always asks about the children.

My mum coild go months and didn't often ask and if I brought them up she compared unfavourable to golden niece.

Mil and fil. Involved loving grandparents who were interested in everything their grandchildren did. Calls were weekly before fil died and 2 -3 when it was just mil.

SamMil · 09/02/2022 20:16

All of my child's grandparents live between 85 - 250 miles away, so face-to-face contact is sporadic.

Grandmother - video call once a week. Visits (or we visit her) maybe 4-5 times a year.

Grandad 1 - never calls. Visits us maybe 2-3 times a year.

Grandad 2 - never calls. We see them more or less once a year.

COS2102 · 09/02/2022 20:22

My parents look after our littlest one 3 days per week and his parents, 2 days per week. We alternate visiting on a weekend or see both. Eldest has grandparents mixing and matching school runs when my husband isn't available for them.
So highly involved grandparents! They get 13 weeks off a year...whilst I'm on holiday 🙈

Taptap20 · 09/02/2022 20:33

My parents weekly, multiple times. His barely ever.

FairyLightQueen · 09/02/2022 20:33

My mother is useless and is also 2hrs away. She sees us once a year. It's expected though and even if she wanted to be more involved we wouldn't let her as we're lc.

PIL are fab. They have DC two afternoons a week and we see them most Sundays for dinner at the least. They live about 1hr away but always make the effort. We also own a caravan at the park in their (lovely seaside) town so we can travel to them and have our own space. I'm very grateful to them.

FairyLightQueen · 09/02/2022 20:35

Oh and we see my DStepdad (not with my mum anymore) maybe once every couple of months, call every couple of weeks and regularly send him photos. He's always interested in their lives and what they're up to, but doesn't take a caregiving role like PIL do.

Notdoingthis · 09/02/2022 20:36

My parents don't phone or ask, ever. They are too wrapped up in their own lives. I ting roughly once a week and update them. They live 4 hours away and visit maybe once a year. We visit them 2-3 times a year. They would proclaim themselves devoted but they are not.
In laws make a point of visiting about once a month. They live 1.5 hours away.

Josette77 · 09/02/2022 20:39

one every few weeks, the other, every six months.

Porcupineintherough · 09/02/2022 20:40

Well you know, there's a lot of natural variation.
My mum, once a week.
My inlaws once every week or two.
My dad maybe 3 or 4 times a year.

I used to see my grandparents once every few years and they rang maybe two or 3 times a year, wrote a few times too. I still had a relationship with them and felt loved.

Simonjt · 09/02/2022 20:42

We see Grandma every other week, she lives about two hours away, sometimes we go to her, but she usually comes here and stays the night. She’s staying here at the minute until the end of the halfterm holiday, we all love having her here.

My inlaws are yet to meet their granddaughter, haven’t really asked about her, so I really have no idea when they’ll meet her unless we arrange to fly over (they live abroad, but only a very short flight away):

saraclara · 09/02/2022 20:43

My DD and DGD live 45 minutes away. Like a pp, I don't 'ask about her' in between visits. My DD posts photos or will send me a whatsapp occasionally that I'll respond to, and I usually get to see them once every week-10 days.

I love DGD to bits and love to see her or do a bit of childcare, but I don't pester DD with messages asking about her. That would surely be annoying.

LairyMaclary · 09/02/2022 20:45

Both sets ask after the kids multiple times most weeks. We see my mum most weekends, as my dad passed a few years ago and she's on her own. We see my in laws more like fortnightly but sometimes weekly depending on how busy we all are. We're very lucky, they're all very involved but also very relaxed and don't apply any pressure if we have something else on.

mobear · 09/02/2022 20:46

FIL and MIL once a fortnight sometimes more. My family, a couple of times a week as they help with childcare.

SpongebobsPants · 09/02/2022 20:54

Pre pandemic, we took the children to see DP's parents once a week. It was basically a box ticking exercise for them, something to say to friends and family 'Oh, we saw the grandchildren on Sunday as usual'. I used to spend a bit of time there, then take myself off to the shops and let them all get on with it! Now that the pandemic has broken the routine, we see them less often, maybe once every 3 or 4 weeks, which suits me. The kids like going there, as it happens. Their grandparents don't pay them much attention, but DP's sister lives there and loves to see them. And there are dogs!

Aug12 · 09/02/2022 20:55

Both my parents and other set of grandparents see them weekly and call maybe once a week as well

lolololloo · 09/02/2022 20:58

My side of the family are very involved. My DM sees her grandchildren 2/3 times a week but would be there at the drop of a hat in between if needed for any reason. My dad sees them at least once a week. DH side don't even send a Christmas card and didn't message or call once when DC were in hospital after a car accident. We haven't fallen out but they are very toxic. So now I distance myself away from them but I'm always pleasant and friendly when I do see them (once every couple of years). Both sets of grandparents live between 10-20 mins away.

lms2017 · 09/02/2022 20:58

My mum messages everyday to see how we all are and how her little grandson is.

We go there most weekends, school holidays most days etc. He is very close to his nanny and grandad.

Partners side when they call etc and 3 or 4 times a month seeing him just due to work etc X

Thatsplentyjack · 09/02/2022 20:58

In laws...no idea, they sent contact me. My mum is here almost everyday. My dad disappears for a few days at a time, but sometimes can pop in twice a day for 5 mins to see them. I could do without that to be honest.

SpikeySmooth · 09/02/2022 20:59

Visit us once a year, visit them 1-2 times a year.
I don't talk much on the phone with them, communicate by other means, but each time Mum asks after DD15.
We live about 90 miles apart.

crazyjinglist · 09/02/2022 21:00

They ask about them every time we speak (once or twice a week). They only see them maybe about 4 times a year, as we live at opposite ends of the country. My dc are teens and we lived nearer (an hour away) until they were 6 and 9, so they saw them more often then (every few weeks).

sadandcrazy · 09/02/2022 21:01

My side ask most days and see them at least twice a week. Husband's side has been over a year since they saw them and don't think they've asked about them in that time either.

HerRoyalHappiness · 09/02/2022 21:04

My mum asks about them daily, is very involved in their lives and sees them 2 or 3 times a week. She's my carer so very actively involved. Stepdad works a lot but sees them once a fortnight or so, as often as he can basically.

My dad only asks about them when he wants something. So Christmas and his birthday. He sends money to me for their birthday presents.

Their other grandad on their dads side died before any of them were born and their grandmother on his side has been deemed dangerous by social services and is not allowed any contact with them whatsoever. Their dad has them once a week and must not take them to see her. Luckily they're old enough to tell me if he ever does.

LottiePa · 09/02/2022 23:43

My parents phone every few days to ask after DS and see him for a few hours every weekend, or every other weekend. They adore him and he them.

MIL lives 5 minutes away and hasn’t seen 2 year old DS since April last year. So she’s missed almost half his life. She lives with SIL and her two boys but has always been a terrible grandmother to DS. He wouldn’t recognise her if she walked past him in the street now. She never calls or asks after him. I doubt she even knows what he looks like. She phones DH once a week to talk about herself and that’s about it.

She’s a very selfish woman.