To ask how often grandparents see/ask about DC?

[Xsliceoftoast]

Hello,

I was just wondering in general if you could tell me how often your parents see/ask about DC and how often your in-laws see/ask about DC?

I just want to compare to see if our circumstances are the norm before I speak to DH, it's a very specific set of circumstances which could be outing if I go into detail so for now it's just a general question to determine if my feelings are valid or if I'm being a precious ftm.

Sorry to be vague but thought I'd ask if a parenting forum.

Thank you

My mum sees my children roughly once a month or so. My dad...not very often at all. In laws.....MIL has seen my eldest once in 7 years and never even attempted to meet my youngest (In 4 years!) She is a vile person so my children are better off not knowing her. FIL makes a bit more effort but not for ages now.

My mum would have been very involved if she was still with us but in laws and my own dad all within 10 minutes, only see kids around their birthdays with tenner in an envelope and ditto Xmas.

My parents - live far away (around 4.5 hours drive), so don't see kids regularly but do visit a lot regardless, ask about them multiple times a week (at least every 3 days, usually more), video call and enjoy receiving photos. Would love to take them for days out and overnight stays but just isn't possible at the moment due to distance.

In-laws - live about 15 minutes away by car. Hardly call, maybe once every 2/3 months, don't video call and never asked for photos or updates. No visits and are usually too busy for us to come to them, not at all interested in taking kids on days out or having them stay over. They do visit briefly on birthdays and expect us to visit them around Christmas.

My DM lived fifteen minutes away and saw us about once or twice a month. Never specifically asked about DC at other times. I don't think she enjoyed the company of young children. Preferred to be shopping or going on holiday.
PIL live an hour away and saw us once every six to eight weeks, maybe a little longer. They phone every week and speak to DH about the weather, but SIL lives next door to them and her DC take priority tbh.
Certainly no one ever fighting for time alone with the GC here.

My IL's (partners parents) we see every other day, usually for an hour or two.

My parents I see once or twice a week for a few hours. They usually message in between to see how my Son is doing.

We all live in a small town though so are all 5mins from eachother. We were also all close before having our Son and it's never forced time or expected, we like going

IL’s barely see us which suits me just fine. Nothing against FIL but his partner is a bitch, DH and I can’t stand her so we really can’t be bothered spending much time with them. MIL’s heart is in the right place but she’s a bit.. batty shall we say and DH can’t spend too much time around her without getting frustrated.

We see my Mum probably every other month, usually just school holidays. She has DC overnight maybe 4-5 times a year.

We see my mum at least twice a week, she lives round the corner, and she also watches DD a couple of hours on the weekend if both DH and I are working.
In-laws we see once a week when MIL watches DD for us for a couple of hours, occasionally another once or twice in the week.

I think it probably depends on how close they are to the children's parents. DH didn't have a closeness with his parents, and they didn't suddenly become interested when we had children.
I get on well with and am close to my parents, and by default they became the 'primary' grandparents. I did try with my in-laws but they weren't really bothered. I don't think people generally change when grandchildren come along.
However, I do see a lot about interfering grandparents on this forum and I think when I have grandchildren (particularly if they are my son's) I will want to be supportive without overstepping, and it could be a difficult balance to strike.

They see ILS min once a week. We go for dinner /they take the kids out for a day in the week for fun. They live 10.min drive

My df roughly once a week. He lives the next street
My dm roughly once a week sometimes 2. She lives 5 min drive

My mum, dad and MIL see my 4 month old atleast a couple of times a week.. and I speak to my mum/MIL everyday to keep them updated. MIL lives around the corner and my parents are 5 mins away. FIL and step MIL barely ever see him or ask about him.

We live around the corner from my parents and see them at least weekly. They have looked after the kids when needed and are very involved and interested.
We live about 90 minutes from our inlaws, they are also very interested and love to see the kids- usually once every 2/3 weeks in normal times. It used to be more but due to health issues neither can drive any distance any more.

My parents live 5mins from us and we see them several times a week. Children walk there after school just because they feel like it or stay over etc. its all very casual.
Pil live in another country. We used to see them 3x a year before covid.
When we only had 1 child we lived abroad near pil and it was reversed. We saw pil a lot back then.

My parents text every day and see the baby twice a week at least. My MiL texts when she wants to see baby which is about every 6 weeks and never in between so very mixed bag here!

We see dh's grandchildren every 6 weeks or so....we live 30 mins away by car. We don't do childcare or sleepovers

Four grandchildren, two in UK about hour-and-a-half away, two in EU.

Two English: we grandparents travel over twice a week, pick them from school, take them home/to out-of-school activities, feed & bathe them, put them to bed and wait for one or more of their parents to get in from work, when we leave for our home. (In 'working from home' times we did the same, more or less, although they were in a different room in their house; we formed a 'childcare bubble' with them (and all got Covid, bit of a nightmare but we are through it now I hope).)

Other two, outside UK: we Skype five/six evenings a week, read bedtime stories/listen to them reading, then engage in 'virtual hugs'. Before Covid we travelled to stay with them four or five times a year in half-term/school hols, staying a few days/a long week; we look forward to doing this again.

Some holidays we spend together, siblings, grandparents, cousins. But also they spend time together without us, and holiday separately too.

All-in-all, I think we are lucky how we all get on within our distanced extended family, and that we retired people have the time, energy (and finances!) to engage the way we do. Grandchildren are the best thing in the world, as many of you are well aware. (Those grandparents with little or no contact with grandchildren miss so much, imo; us, we love spending time with these beautiful and interesting little people. We dote on them in the clichéd manner.)

Me and hubby both speak to our respective mothers daily so this involves talking about the children amongst other things

Our dads prob less often around once every couple of weeks

My in laws and parents are my childcare so a lot!

In-laws have them on a Monday
My parents have them Tuesdays and Thursdays

But we see them on top of that at least once/ twice a week.
See my sis in law at least 2/3 times a week.

We have 3 holidays with the in-laws and all in-laws siblings this year, 2 of which my parents are also going on.

Today is not a working day for me but I had some things to do so dropped kids at my mums for a few hours.
Either mother in law or my parents will always have kids at drop of hat.

My parents see her 2/3 times a week (up to twice a week childcare and I often go round for Sunday dinner). DH’s parents are rubbish. She’s met DH mum twice and never his dad. They rarely ask about her

About 6 times a week for my parents and 3 times a week for my husbands mom. My youngest sees my grandparents once a week and saw my nan every day until the first lockdown (she sadly died during lockdown).

My mum sees the us/children about every 6-8 weeks - she's about 200 miles away. We/She calls 1-2 times a week.

My MIL we see 3-4 times a year. DH calls her once a week and she always asks about the kids then. She's about 300 miles away.

2 hours away, probably about 8 times a year

My parents usually see DD a couple of times a week - one day through the week as they provide childcare and usually either one of my days off or a day on a weekend. In touch with them daily so they’d ask how DD is / how she slept etc every day.

DH’s mum didn’t bring him up so he only sees her a few times a year, more out of a sense of obligation, and will take DD.
His dad sadly died before DD was born but his grandma who is still alive we see usually once a month (she lives about 50 minutes drive away) and speak to her at least once a week, sometimes more. She would ask about DD any time either of us spoke to her.

One set of grandparents are childcare three days a week and would ring to check how we're all doing if we haven't seen them for a few days. Other set of grandparents live twenty minutes away. It can be months before we see or hear from them. We tend to visit them they rarely come to us. I think it's up to the grandparents what relationship they want to have. Ultimately you get what you give. The children are incredibly close to the grandparents they see all the time. The grandparents they don't see very often they can be very shy around. Mil whinges that the kids won't talk to her. I just let it go over my head.

My parents see DS probably 5 out of 7 days on a bad week, more often than not it's every day. If they don't see him they face time. (We live 1 minute away in the car) They see my nieces probably 4 times a week.

I email PIL once a month with an update of DS, they don't often ask about him otherwise but they live 80 mile away and have only met him 4 times (hes 3.5).

My mam and my dad ask about the kids every time I speak to them (most weeks) and my mam comes over, or I go to hers, a few times a month and she sees them then.

Dh's mum, afaik, asks about them every time she speaks to dh and sees them a few times a year.