Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how often grandparents see/ask about DC?

126 replies

Xsliceoftoast · 09/02/2022 12:50

Hello,

I was just wondering in general if you could tell me how often your parents see/ask about DC and how often your in-laws see/ask about DC?

I just want to compare to see if our circumstances are the norm before I speak to DH, it's a very specific set of circumstances which could be outing if I go into detail so for now it's just a general question to determine if my feelings are valid or if I'm being a precious ftm.

Sorry to be vague but thought I'd ask if a parenting forum.

Thank you

OP posts:
Imsittinginthekitchensink · 09/02/2022 18:15

My dad asks all the time, he adores DD but for covid related reasons hasn't seen much of her the last couple of years. Her other GPs also adore her and would love more contact. Unfortunately my xh is a dick, so they very rarely see her.

MrsTimRiggins · 09/02/2022 18:17

My in laws see my son every week. My mum, it’s hit and miss. She went three weeks the other day with just one phone call and then visited twice in one week.
There’s no real right or wrong

Flsh · 09/02/2022 18:19

My parents have literally never asked after DC except when they’ve been in hospital and even then they don’t always. They only see them a few times a year at family things, despite living 5 minutes away.
It does upset me because I’m a single mum and their dad is a bit crap so I feel like literally no one other than me is bothered about them.

Gizlotsmum · 09/02/2022 18:20

We speak to both sets of parents weekly. They always ask after the kids. In laws see SIL more than they see us but we probably manage every couple of months ( pre covid) my parents it tends to be around school holidays as neither of them drive…however we also had a holiday with each set last year ( in laws because SIL messed up a family booking excluding us and they felt guilty)

kitcat15 · 09/02/2022 18:25

I see my DDs children 5 times a week ....help with childcare twice a week.....see my DS child once a week ( she comes for tea)..... my DDs other nan sees them twice a week .... I never ask about them over the phone....I see them so regularly I know how they are

Crunchingleaf · 09/02/2022 18:37

My mother does even send a card to the boys at Christmas or their birthdays. Never asks about them and has met my 12 year old 3/4 times in his life. We don’t live in same country but it’s less then an hours flight and all our family live in country that I am in. She gives out about me to my grandparents about how I don’t call her etc.
I never met my dad.
My youngest only has one grandparent but luckily my own grandparents step in and fuss over them.

CrackerGal · 09/02/2022 18:39

My side - my mother wouldn't need to ask I'd tell her, but she stays in regular contact.
My dad wouldn't ask at all but would send a Xmas gift ... if we ever needed him he'd help though.
MIL sends a Xmas gift we're not really in touch with her though.
FIL lives the closed, very close but we haven't see him for years, no falling out we get on well, he just obviously can't be arsed 🥴 My kids don't really know who he is tbh.

CrackerGal · 09/02/2022 18:40

FIL lives close*

CrackerGal · 09/02/2022 18:42

Also to add FIL would also be there if we had need of him. He isn't like that out of unkindness it's just the way he is & is like that with all grandkids.
Do your kids grandparents not see/ask about them much?
I learnt not to take it personally when I saw how FIL was with his own daughters kids.

nanbread · 09/02/2022 18:46

DH's family - about 4 times a year.

My parents - maybe every 6 weeks.

They ask about them every couple of weeks.

Neena86 · 09/02/2022 19:27

My mum loads because she's my childcare, my dad hardly ever, I'm not even sure he's seen my youngest. Not fell out or anything, that's just the way he is. I only see him because he comes in the shop I work in all the time. He does ask about them though.
My xmil never. She's a horrible woman. Can see where her son got his lying, cheating ways from 😅

wendz86 · 09/02/2022 19:27

My parents probably see my children about twice a month on average, sometimes we stay with them for a few days. They ask about them 2-3 times a week by message or call etc.

wendz86 · 09/02/2022 19:28

Also to add i am split with their Dad but they don't see their other grandparents very often, probably a couple of times a year.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 09/02/2022 19:32

My DF sees my kids every fortnight roughly. He asks after then weekly on average by phone or text. He only lives 5 mins away.

MIL lives an hour away and we see her ever 3-4 weeks on average but sometimes more. She FaceTimes the kids and asks after them by phone or text in between.

RavenBrooke · 09/02/2022 19:32

My parents live 10 mins away. Videocall every other day, see them once a fortnight.
Mil lives abroad, phone or videocall once a fortnight. Has met eldest dc 3 times, second dc once, never seen the baby

Ginger1982 · 09/02/2022 19:34

My mum lives 15 mins away and asks for DS every day. I send pictures every day and she watches him twice a week. DH's parents live an hour away and watch DS once a fortnight. I don't know how often they ask for him but I know DH sends his mum pictures too.

Suzanne999 · 09/02/2022 19:38

My parents showed zero interest in my DDs.
I speak to my DDs at least 3 times a week each and say hello / wave / have brief chat with dgc depending on what they’re doing. I’m interested in their music and sport activities.

astroboy45 · 09/02/2022 19:40

My mum lives about half hour away. She tries to see DD around 2/3 a week but will at least see her once a week. My mum always sees DD everyday at least once on whatsapp call, my DD loves her and is only 9 months.

The last time DPs mum saw DD was at Christmas and she lives about 30mins away. She drives so it’s probably quicker. My mum doesn’t drive btw and takes two buses to get here.

For a lot of people it seems that the women’s family tends to be more involved (depending on the relationship she has with her own family) however the men’s family seem to be more distanced. I’m not sure if this is because the expectation falls on the mum to try and arrange visits but I’m tired of chasing DPs mum and getting her to come round. If she was interested, she’d visit

bellsbuss · 09/02/2022 19:45

Both sides like to see the younger ones weekly, the older ones pop in as and when. My mum has the younger ones one weekend a month for a sleepover which they all love.

PanettoneMoly · 09/02/2022 19:51

Parents - have seen DD 4 times (she’s 18 months old) but they do live a 6 hour drive away. Ask about her about once a week, if not once a fortnight. Rarely call but they’ve been like that since I went to university & left home.

In laws see her once every 6-8 weeks, they’re a bit closer but still 2+ hours away. Ask after her maybe once a week by text.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 09/02/2022 19:51

5 min walk away and maybe 3 hours a week.

My PIL live in France so haven’t seen them in years and before covid maybe twice a year

thenewduchessoflapland · 09/02/2022 19:56

My parents were shit parents so are predictably shit grandparents as well.Unless someone told them they probably wouldn't notice if any my kids died tbh.

My In laws are/were wonderful grandparents,a degenerative illness robbed my MIL of about 6/7 years of being able to be a involved grandparent and she died at only 67.

If she was still here she'd still be very much involved with her grandchildren;I imagine as my DD's have to walk past my in laws house to get to the school bus stop she'd most likely be waiting with the kettle on for a hot chocolate by the time they got to the house post school and would instead they pop in for a drink with her.

My FIL is a busy man but always make time for his grandchildren to the point he'd actually cancel things if they need him.He is an amazing grandparent,always on hand to help,offer the kids advice,just be there and spent hours and hours reading with the kids when they were little.

My FIL has always asked for the kids school reports to be emailed to him by us so he can keep up to date with what his grandchildren are up to at school.

Bit of a contrast between my parents and my in laws isn't it?

HallieLA · 09/02/2022 19:57

Mine moved abroad. Annual visit. Never spoke to them on the phone. As young adults they don't really have a relationship with their grandparents. It just didn't ever establish in their younger years.

YetAnotherUsernameToday · 09/02/2022 20:03

Hardly ever - maybe at birthdays?

I think it's the norm for people to be less interested than they appear they would be when you are having your first. I feel that it's all about them becoming a grandparent, and once the novelty has worn off and they have told all their peers about their new status they move on have less interest.

My mum is involved in our children's lives but in laws are not. Whatever your relationship is like before tends to carry on post babies arriving.

Ihaveoflate · 09/02/2022 20:04

My mum never calls or texts, so it's always me who initiates contact and takes 2.5 yo round to visit (30 min drive) - probably once or twice a month. If I didn't contact her, she would just wouldn't bother. She sees my sister's children almost daily and has them over for tea, picks them up from school etc. I think she's just too busy to think about us as well - there's no malice.

Husband has a family WhatsApp and they swap photos regularly. His parents will invite us round (also 30 min drive) or husband will offer to visit, maybe fortnightly. PIL generally show more interest than my mum.