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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teacher said she thinks dd5 has a learning disability or special needs

125 replies

Slavetolove · 08/02/2022 19:14

Dd5 has a speech delay. She has since she could talk, Iv been fighting for speech therapy. Obviously covid hasn’t helped the situation. She’s 5 (6 in July) and in year 1.

She’s behind on her reading, spelling and obviously her speech. But it’s all linked because she’s spelling it how she thinks you say it. She has a therapist at school and an nhs one who has been out a few times to see how she’s getting on.

Today was her parents evening and her teacher said she thinks she has special needs and/or a learning disability.
She just said for me to chase up with the health visitor but surely that can’t be it?

We’ve always joked she had adhd. She barely sleeps, not so bad now but bevfore she would be up at 3/4am every single day. It’s now 5.30 no matter what time she goes bed.
She is non stop. She doesn’t stop talking, she can’t do anything longer than a min and is constantly moving from one thing to another. But she is so clever and funny. Her drawings are amazing and she remembers literally everything. But she has a temper and is hard work. We joked If she was our first she would be our last.

I’m abit emotional. I don’t know where to turn or what to do?

OP posts:

toomuchlaundry · 08/02/2022 19:15

Can you ask to speak to the SENDCO at school?

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 08/02/2022 19:17

Talk to the senco. The teacher sounds like they neither know how to identify needs constructively or what do when concerned.
I was a senco. From what you’ve said it sounds like she needs proper speech and language support, anything else is just a guess and speculation.

Tricked2003 · 08/02/2022 19:19

It is one of the hardest things to hear .........but if you think there is even the smallest chance that she may have some additional needs then the best thing you can do is follow it up asap.

cansu · 08/02/2022 19:21

I think you should take what she said at face value. Make an appointment with your GP and tell them that the teacher has suggested you seek an assessment.

If she does not have any special needs, then there won't be any diagnosis. If she does, you need to know and it will help her access the help.

It is upsetting when someone suggests there might be something wrong. I remember being really upset when my ds nursery suggested he was autistic.

Bagelsandbrie · 08/02/2022 19:21

If you think adhd or something else might be going on I would contact your Gp and push for a paediatrician referral. Diagnosis for autism / adhd etc can take years however, so in the meantime definitely speak to the senco. If they think she needs more support at school they should be applying for an ehcp (google this if you’re not familiar with this). She does not need any formal diagnosis to get one. You can even apply for one yourself without the support of the school.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed, it’s a lot to take in isn’t it but you’re on the first steps to getting the help and support you all need - whether it is down to speech issues or something more.

(My son is 9 with multiple complex needs).

Saz12 · 08/02/2022 19:21

She’s struggling at school, so what has the school done to help?

From your description it sounds like she struggles to stay focussed, which obviously will impact her learning. Whether this is due to a diagnosable difference, or age + personality, or what is something you need proper medical advice on though.

MargaretThursday · 08/02/2022 19:22

I assume you've checked hearing?

Ds had glue ear (so hearing fluctuated) and I remember him coming home really excited to tell me that "sh" and "ch" made a different sound. He'd never heard it different, so no wonder he didn't say it differently.

Gowithme · 08/02/2022 19:22

I think you need to ask the teacher why she thinks this, what behaviour makes her think so and what she suspects it could be - is it due to her being behind or is it her being non stop. My son's school got a lady from SEND to come and observe him and she was brilliant, she basically went round schools observing children so had so much experience and was so helpful. I wonder if your school could do something like that?

cansu · 08/02/2022 19:22

By the way, they didn't say he was autistic but they said he needed to be assessed for a special need.

cansu · 08/02/2022 19:25

She may not need a diagnosis to get an EHCP but in reality getting a decent one that is worth the paper it is written on is much easier if a child has a diagnosis. I have seen many kids with support plans stating social and communication as an area of need. Many of these kids need further assessment. They don't get it.

Yesmate · 08/02/2022 19:31

“We’ve always joked she had adhd” I might be being super sensitive but please don’t joke about that. It’s not something to be laughed about.

Blackbootswithredribbons · 08/02/2022 19:34

If she does have additional/special needs then a diagnoses could be a life saver and a way of accessing support. If she doesn't, no harm in getting her assessed. Many kids slip through the cracks and really struggle in their teens, I would speak to the GP and school SENCO as PP have suggested.

Blackbootswithredribbons · 08/02/2022 19:37

@Yesmate

“We’ve always joked she had adhd” I might be being super sensitive but please don’t joke about that. It’s not something to be laughed about.

This. It's becoming more of a thing to joke about adhd/autism etc and it's simply not right (unless, of course you are neurodiverse and joking about yourself)

Kitkat151 · 08/02/2022 19:39

HV wouldn’t get involved...child is now at school... you need a referral to community paediatrician......in our area school do this if they are of school age...whatever the outcome....she’s still your little DD ....same one she was yesterday and the day before....and if she get some support and this helps her to stop falling through any gaps.....then it can only be a good thing....hope things work out

Eightiesfan · 08/02/2022 19:41

Do a self-referral via CAMHS. There is a massive waiting list due to COVID but get this done ASAP.

If you do not want to wait, you can get a private assessment, but this will cost between £1500-£1700.

Howshouldibehave · 08/02/2022 19:43

If she has traits of ADHD, then you need to speak to the GP and get a referral to see a paediatrician. In my area, Health Visitors don’t support children once they turn 5.

MelCat · 08/02/2022 19:43

As others have said she’s too old for HV. I would be asking for her to put her concerns in a letter (or asking the SENCO) to do this so you can take to GP and then ask for referral to a paediatrician.

I’ve been in your shoes and I remember the emotions, but teachers don’t tend to raise these issues lightly. It also helps if you have school on your side as GP tends to take more seriously. Early intervention can be really helpful. So get the letter, GP and then referral to paediatrician.

Hullaballoonexperience · 08/02/2022 19:44

Your first place to start is definitely to contact the school SEnco. The named person will be on the school's website, although I would assume that you have had contact with them already if your child is receiving speech and language therapy. Special needs is a very wide area and the general statement that the teacher has made is not helpful in any way. I am a school senco and would be very cross if a potential special need has been broached in this insensitive way, without some thought to what is being considered, and what evidence there is to support this.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 08/02/2022 19:46

Try and look at it in a positive way op.. My ds is 13 and have been fighting for 2 years for someone to acknowledge my ds is having difficulties.. Your dd will be getting the right support at a great age!

NameChange30 · 08/02/2022 19:46

Why on earth hasn't the teacher involved the SENDCo yet or at least told you that's what they're going to do? For any kind of referral and assessment, the school will have to provide information about her difficulties there. And while you are waiting for an assessment, the school should be putting support in place for her.

If I were you, I'd look on the school website for their SEND policy, then email the school to request a meeting with the SENDCo and teacher, ASAP.

I have seen IPSEA mentioned on here, check out the website www.ipsea.org.uk/

No harm in talking to the GP as well but I think it's the school that should be offering a referral and support.

Original poster

Slavetolove · 08/02/2022 19:47

Iv just tried reading her school book before bed again, she won’t sit still, constantly moving, struggles to do it so wants to give up striaght away. I’m not sure what else to do but she really does struggle to sound out the words and say them.

She’s had her hearing checked, all good.

OP posts:

Smurf123 · 08/02/2022 19:47

Does she mean in addition to the speech and language difficulty?
Right now your dd does have an additional need - the speech difficult and she should always be on an individual education plan to assist with that unless she hasn't officially been diagnosed with speech and language.

I second getting her referred for her hearing of your haven't already as it she is spelling things how she thinks they are said that is more a hearing issue than necessarily a speech one as it isn't that she can't pronounce it correctly but that she is saying it as she hears it?

In saying that good luck with getting referred. I got ds referred to audiology 7 months ago and still no sign of an appointment. He hears things like open the "drawer" instead of open the "door." He'll say "part of me" after he burps instead of pardon me etc.

Though also while you can chase up with your go and health visitor of school are worried about another additional need they should be putting the referral to Ed psych in place!
I would be inclined to let them put any referral through as it's likely to be a long wait and then if things change as your dd matures you can cancel the appointment etc.

twominutesmore · 08/02/2022 19:48

I don't think that the teacher has handled this well. She was right to share her concerns but should have done it in a sensitive way, when there was time to talk properly. And I would want to know, if school are concerned, what they are doing about it. What did SENCO say when teacher shared her concerns? To whom are they referring? How is she being supported in class? I am a teacher and you don't drop problems on parents without having some answers too.

dinkybella77 · 08/02/2022 19:48

The speech therapy in our area is extremely overwhelmed. Children wait for a year -18 months for an appointment and most will get immediately discharged when they still need specialist support. I would strongly recommend that you look at private speech therapy to get things moving quickly for your child. They can help with picking up some aspects of SEND initially for you to then follow up with SENCO and hopefully Paediatrician through gp.

twominutesmore · 08/02/2022 19:50

I would be asking for a meeting with class teacher and senco, with a list of questions. It is early days so this will be a long journey and they won't have every answer yet, but will know what diagnosis they suspect, how they can support and where to refer.

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