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Original poster

To expect my husband to take day off to pick up child

97 replies

Gastonia123 · 08/02/2022 11:29

Both myself and my DH work. Myself 16 hours and DH full time. I used to just work one day a week at the weekend but have recently in the last couple of months picked up a day during the week. My parents pick up our children from school and I drop them off before work. My daughter had an upset stomach about a month ago and I asked my husband to take the day off. He refused as he has the 'proper job's as he put it so I took the day off even though it didnt look great as I started more hours.

My parents have now tested positive for covid so will not be able to pick the children up so I have asked if he will do half a day and pick them up. He has refused and told me he cant and that if I cant work without it being an issue then I'm going to have to go back to working weekend which I was not happy with. He reluctantly agreed and was in a foul mood but i feel furious that I am being made bad to feel like this? Is it my responsibility if I've chosen to work more?

OP posts:
LibrariesGiveUsPower · 08/02/2022 11:32

He needs to grow up amd accept he’s as responsible for childcare as you are.

Rainbowqueeen · 08/02/2022 11:35

No he should be taking leave.

I’d say he should do all sick days for the next 6 months to allow you to build up goodwill and establish yourself with your new hours. He is a parent just as much as you are and his carers leave should also be used.

Original poster
Gastonia123 · 08/02/2022 11:45

@Rainbowqueeen thankyou, he seems to think that because I only work part time and I chose to work then it's my responsibility, I'm happy for being responsible for dropping off and picking up from school and childcare but he needs to pitch in.

OP posts:
Natty13 · 08/02/2022 11:55

Tell him he can go part time and you will pick up hours to full time. He's now responsible for 100% of the childcare since that's how he thinks it works.

DefaultParent · 08/02/2022 12:09

So he thinks you should be housewife AND help him provide as he is failing in his very stereotypical role. If he wants you to do more childcare he needs to step up and bring more money to the household surely?

Yuckypretty · 08/02/2022 12:11

My dp and I roughly take it in turns.

Original poster
Gastonia123 · 08/02/2022 12:14

@defaultparent I think his dream would be that I quit entirely, ask to borrow money when I need to and do all housework/emotional labour(which I do anyway) without moaning (which I dont do Grin) hes only started making the comments about having a 'proper' job since I've picked up hours but hes done it a couple of times and i cant shake how irritated it makes me

OP posts:
Lennybenny · 08/02/2022 12:20

But you don't work 4 days in the week. So yes, it's your responsibility to pick up the child. If you were both working ft then you split it but as you have more spare time then yep it's you. That's how it works. And my answer would be it was him if it was him pt and you ft.

LethargicActress · 08/02/2022 12:23

I think as your job is so part time and the family would be worse off without his job than it would be without yours, it should be you that takes the time off.

I usually had to be the one to take time off work for the same reason.

namechange30455 · 08/02/2022 12:25

@Lennybenny

But you don't work 4 days in the week. So yes, it's your responsibility to pick up the child. If you were both working ft then you split it but as you have more spare time then yep it's you. That's how it works. And my answer would be it was him if it was him pt and you ft.
But she does work one day in the week. Why is it her responsibility to pick up the DC that day? She doesn't have spare time that day!
MonkeyPuddle · 08/02/2022 12:36

Nope. He’s being a dick.
If you’re both at work and the kids need picking up then it’s 50/50 between you both. The part time work is by the by, the chances of him needing to taking a bit of time off are so bloody small anyway, as OP is usually there. So one afternoon in a blue moon should certainly not be bitched and moaned about.

busyeatingbiscuits · 08/02/2022 12:36

@Lennybenny

But you don't work 4 days in the week. So yes, it's your responsibility to pick up the child. If you were both working ft then you split it but as you have more spare time then yep it's you. That's how it works. And my answer would be it was him if it was him pt and you ft.
She has spare time to pick up the children on 4 days a week. She doesn't have spare time when she's at work. They need to share pick ups on that day. That's how it works.
Pinkstegosaurus · 08/02/2022 12:40

I’d be irritated too, to have my job be considered not important enough!

Original poster
Gastonia123 · 08/02/2022 12:40

@Lennybenny I drop off and pick up my kids every single day, the one day that I do work I drop them off before I go to work and when I finish I get them and sort everything out. He hasnt had a single day off in way over a year. I'm just asking him to take a half day due to unforeseen circumstances and I will still take them in the morning. If not I have to take the full day off as I wont be able to drop them off and leave early as I start at 10.30 and finish at 7 and would have to leave at 1pm from my work to get to their school in time

OP posts:
RedskyThisNight · 08/02/2022 12:43

If you're both working and can't easily take time off, the solution is to sort alternative childcare. As a one off (you can return the favour sometime) I'm sure another parent will pick the children up. I try not to take odd bits of time off work at short notice unless there is literally no alternative.

AnnaBegins · 08/02/2022 12:49

Taking 1 day off would impact 50% of your working week. Taking half a day off would impact 10% of his working week. If he has holiday he can take, even better, zero impact. So in terms of impact on work, he should take it off, with you committing to sort the next instance unless totally inconvenient (e.g. major meeting for you when he's got a quiet day). We always do things 50:50 but on a case by case basis, which takes into account that I have fewer holiday days as I work a 4 days week, and that a day off impacts my week by 25% and his by 20% only.

Funkyslippers · 08/02/2022 12:51

Redsky It's not quite as easy as picking the child up from school though, it's looking after them until the parents can collect

Original poster
Gastonia123 · 08/02/2022 12:54

@AnnaBegins thankyou that's a good take that I didnt think of

OP posts:
Original poster
Gastonia123 · 08/02/2022 12:56

@RedskyThisNight neither of us finish work until the evening and my children are reception and nursery age so I wouldn't want to ask someone

OP posts:
Tohaveandtohold · 08/02/2022 12:58

He should be available on your working day to pick the children up when you can’t. It’s just half a day off and it’s something that will rarely happen.
Alternatively, you can arrange after school club for that day and you both of you won’t need to worry.

redandwhite1 · 08/02/2022 13:01

Hate this attitude!

Surely his boss will understand it's a one off if that's what he's worried about?!

ToykotoLosAngeles · 08/02/2022 13:01

@AnnaBegins

Taking 1 day off would impact 50% of your working week. Taking half a day off would impact 10% of his working week. If he has holiday he can take, even better, zero impact. So in terms of impact on work, he should take it off, with you committing to sort the next instance unless totally inconvenient (e.g. major meeting for you when he's got a quiet day). We always do things 50:50 but on a case by case basis, which takes into account that I have fewer holiday days as I work a 4 days week, and that a day off impacts my week by 25% and his by 20% only.
This this this. If I miss 3 days, it's a full working week. If DH misses 3 he is still in for 2. Why do people think so many bosses don't want to hire parents in part-time roles - horrible attitudes that the job of the part-timer is "secondary" by their own husbands and other mums/dads!
TheChild · 08/02/2022 13:04

What a dickhead.

When a child is poorly it's a shared job to take care of them, not just yours.

I work part time and DH full time and if we need to we each take turns to look after them. Tell him to get a grip.

LittleOwl153 · 08/02/2022 13:04

[quote Gastonia123]@defaultparent I think his dream would be that I quit entirely, ask to borrow money when I need to and do all housework/emotional labour(which I do anyway) without moaning (which I dont do Grin) hes only started making the comments about having a 'proper' job since I've picked up hours but hes done it a couple of times and i cant shake how irritated it makes me[/quote]
So he thinks you should do all the wimmins work and then beg the big man for money....

I can see why you work - and maybe you should work more... Make sure his number is on the school/nursery pick up list!

OfstedOffred · 08/02/2022 13:05

Why don't you get reliable childcare in place - can you use afterschool club? If you did this then neither of you has to let your employer down routinely