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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset that DH has gone awol on new years eve?

98 replies

puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 16:56

Well all over christmas I have been ill with a viral infection and sickness and have felt completly washed out and generally feeling sick all the time.

DH has been good,sharing the cooking and getting up with the children while I have had a few lie ins and tidying the kitchen most days.
Things that I do everyday normally anyway but he feels like I have been taking the piss.

Anyway today he decides he is walking into town to pay some bills and have a quick pint at the pub ,this was 12.45pm.

4.52pm and he is still not home.
So will imagine by now he is quite drunk and bang goes our new years evening.

We had no plans as such but now am sat here wondering what time and what state he will be in when he fianlly gets in and am feeling sick and anxious worrying how he will be.

Am I unreasonable to expect him to be here on new years eve with his family or as he has been doing most of the work over christmas should I let it go as he deserves it.
He is probably doing this to get back at me.

I asked him how long he would be,he said an hour or 2 .

OP posts:
anorak · 31/12/2007 16:59

Yes I know my dh often says 'a couple of hours' when he means 3 or 4.

but it's still early enough for you to enjoy your New Year's Eve with him if he comes back soon.

Be gracious, you've said yourself he's been a star over Christmas, cut him some slack.

brusselbeansprouts · 31/12/2007 17:08

Is there no way of contacting him? Mobile?

Would be miserable if he comes back half cut and spoils the evening but maybe just see how it pans out. Fingers crossed he is back soon and you can have a nice evening.

Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 17:10

anorak-I appreiciate that he has been brilliant over christmas.
But he will be in no fit state to enjoy new year,it will be like having another child to look after and he will proabably flake out on the sofa for the evening.
I know the pattern and he had no lunch before he went so will be hardly standing.

OP posts:
Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 17:12

brusselbeansprouts-dare'nt try his mobile as know from past experience at this late stage will get no sense out of him and will only get annoyed.
That's if he bothers to answer it at all,he usually turns his phone off.

OP posts:
Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 17:33

Well he's stiLl not home.

OP posts:
dooley1 · 31/12/2007 17:35

bit crap that he hasn't phoned but it sounds like he deserves some time off

tribpot · 31/12/2007 17:40

Sorry - which of us would do the same if we'd been looking after a poorly dh over the festive season? He got up with his kids - yeah, that's his job. He 'shared' the cooking - how generous, given the OP has been pretty ill. Bear in mind my dh is chronically ill and I don't go awol unexpectedly on the grounds I've "been a star".

Equally I think he might deserve a couple of hours to himself, but why can't this be pre-arranged and adhered to? Why should the OP be on her own on NYE because he's gone out on the lash?

dooley1 · 31/12/2007 17:42

well Tribpot I agree with what you say about it's no big deal he did his fair share... but also it depnds how fussed you are about NYE. We don't really bother about it uch here, I've already told dh he can go out with his mates if he wants.

pistachio · 31/12/2007 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 31/12/2007 17:59

what about the priciple here of him pissing off and lying that he will be back.
I couldnt just feck off for a drink after doing my fair share had my dh been ill over christmas.
totally unaceptable behaviour in my house.
id go mad. But then im not scared to ring and bollock him and tell him to get his arse home to his family.

Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 17:59

Well he is home.
Have'nt said a word to him.

Currently sitting on the sofa half asleep and half talking loudly playing with the children.

So like like I have 3 children for the night now.

Agree that why is it such a big thing when DH'S do a bit of housework and look after their children .
He thinks he deserves a medal.

I had been unwell 3 weeks prevously to christams and still have an awful rash and spots all over which have kept me awake most nights.
Thought to be chicken pox or shingles but GP unsure after blood tests.

Still had to carry on withno help.

So feeling a bit miffed still that e can just walk out ,unarranged and do what he wants when he wants.

OP posts:
brusselbeansprouts · 31/12/2007 18:01

Worries me that he is this p*ssed off that he has helped out his ill dw for a few days, to the point that you can phone him and he is trashing NYE.

Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 18:02

Meant to say if I had have rang him it would only have made him feelhe was being checked up on and being told what to do so he proabaly would have stayed out even later.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 31/12/2007 18:04

I think it's bloody rude. You share a life so have the right to know where he is and what he is upto.

How would he feel if you had popped out for a 'couple of hours' and not come home???

DP would've had me phone him and tell him to come home by now. And come home he would have or he would be in for me being extremely angry.

If however he had called me from said pub and told/asked me that he was staying out a bit longer and promised not to come home steaming drunk he would still be in the pub enjoying his NYE drink.

It's all about consideration, I have no problem with DP having a social life, nor does he I, but we share our lives and responsibilities so it's only decent to discuss plans with each other.

I also get really annoyed with one parent buggering off leaving the children at home and expecting the other parent to be fine with it. Childcare IMO, when neither parent is at work, is 100% both parents responsibilty, so if one goes out they should make sure the other is happy to be left alone at home looking after the kids.

VictorianSqualor · 31/12/2007 18:17

If he felt checked up on it's his own goddamn fault for going AWOL!!

Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 18:23

victorainsqualor-I think this was all about getting his own back as he feels hard done by.

I would have loved not to have had this awful rash the past 4 weeks that has driven me mad and kept me awake till about 3 0r 4 most nights.

Also om my part it's not that new years eve is such a big deal in its self but that I suspose I hold the romantic notion that new beginings and all that.

On top of feeing ill this time of year is always paticularly dificult,as both my parents died a few years back and my brother a couple of years ago which was drink related.

Also am feeling anxious abot school starting again as my DS has SN and has just got a statement and am worrying about who the school will employ to support my DS in school.

True to form he is now in the kitchen and has put some music on extremly loud and is getting the children all worked up before bedtime.

OP posts:
chocchipchristmascake · 31/12/2007 18:26

Does he consider that the children are his responsibility too - or is he the lodger?

I can't believe that anyone would think his behaviour is acceptable. He's 'helped out' so he thinks he can be totally selfish and a bit mean as well IMO.

OP - What has he said to you that makes you say he thinks you have been 'taking the piss'?

chocchipchristmascake · 31/12/2007 18:27

"Getting his own back" because he has had to help out while his wife is sick???

VictorianSqualor · 31/12/2007 18:29

I'm currently 25 wks pg, I have felt shite throughout my pregnancy.
DP has been going to work to come home and do housework, cook dinners, listen to me whinge and cry, get me water whilst I'm being sick, looking after the children so I can sleep etc since the beginning.
Because thats what you do when you love someone, a bit of cooking and childcare (which I made my point on earlier) because someone's ill is his duty, not a favour.

VictorianSqualor · 31/12/2007 18:30

Oh and I meant to add, being appreciative of that is all the repayment he should need, just as you would if the situation was the other way round.

Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 18:32

CCCC-He said so yesterday.

He is fed up that I have had a few lie ins,which I did'nt mean to but as i have not been sleeping well and the itching being woese at night have woken up utterly shattered and gone back to sleep in the morning.

In fact just before he went out as I got up at 11,as did'nt get to sleep until 4am last night due to servere itching and feeling sick,he said half the days gone already .
So knew by his tone that he was planning to stay out.

OP posts:
mehdi · 31/12/2007 18:33

mine just gone out too left home alone with sick ds and flu myself.

Original poster
puddingandcream · 31/12/2007 18:37

mehdi-what time did your DH/DP go out?

It's bad enough when you have a sick child to look after but when you are not feeling well ethier it just rubs salt in the wound.

Really emapthise with you.

OP posts:
brusselbeansprouts · 31/12/2007 18:39

I haven't been sleeping recently (for different reasons) and dh has "let me lie in" numerous times. It's not a lie in though when you haven't had the sleep in the first place. I'm just trying to piece about 6 hours sleep together so I can function.

Dh has no problem with this. I'm sorry yours does pudding.
Are you likely to feel better soon? Is it clearing up? Sounds really miserable.

newgirl · 31/12/2007 18:43

pudding are you talking to him yet - you two need to have some sort of conversation about this

you could say - are you pissed off with me

or i felt really unhappy not knowing when you would be back

can we sort this out etc

fair enough dont have a row in front of kids but this seems really odd

it seems really odd that he went out without saying when he would be back/what the plans were for later - that sounds like major sulking to me

hope you sort it out