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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not wanting MIL to know our address

80 replies

Fashionista22 · 07/02/2022 19:54

Currently having an ongoing argument with my partner and would love to hear some options.

I don’t get on with his mum. She’s aggressive and unpredictable. He thinks I’m being over the top but that’s how I feel. We’re looking to buy a house in another area soon and I said I don’t want her to know our new address. On one hand he should be able to tell his mum his address and thinks this will effect their relationship. On the other hand, why should I have to live in a place worrying she’ll turn up one day?

What would you do?

OP posts:
PuttingOutFires · 07/02/2022 19:56

This is not real, surely?

PuttingOutFires · 07/02/2022 19:57

Would your parents know your address?

BraveGoldie · 07/02/2022 19:58

Concrete examples of her behaviour please or it's impossible for us to judge

A580Hojas · 07/02/2022 19:58

Are you demanding that your partner goes no contact with his mother? Please clarify.

Onlyforcake · 07/02/2022 19:58

If he has an ongoing relationship with his parent then I'd expect him to share his address. Issues of visiting etc are separate conversations.

Filthyslattern · 07/02/2022 19:58

Completely batshit. She is his MOTHER and i assume, has a relationship with her? So tes, she should have his address!

Allpenguinsarepingus · 07/02/2022 19:58

I mean it entirely depends on what you mean by ´agressive and unpredictable’ and if she has form for turning up uninvited and causing you huge amounts of stress.

Ozanj · 07/02/2022 19:59

Give us specific examples of her behaviour because you’re sounding unhinged right now

Cherrysoup · 07/02/2022 19:59

Aggressive, how? Physically violent?

Suzanne999 · 07/02/2022 20:00

Is she a danger to you or your children? That’s the only valid reason I can think of to withhold your address.
If she just turns up randomly can’t you speak to her so you can arrange visits?

anon12345678901 · 07/02/2022 20:01

Well are you letting your parents know the new address? She's still his mum and if he wants a relationship with her and to tell her, that's his right. If there's been actual big issues you should be more concerned as to why your husband thinks you're over the top.

Batshittery · 07/02/2022 20:02

This sounds ridiculous. YABU

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 07/02/2022 20:02

My mil knows where we live. She hasn't set onetoe across our door...

Rumplestrumpet · 07/02/2022 20:06

Is she violent or dangerous? If not I can't quite see how you could justify withholding your address.

Tbh if you have this problem with your partner now I think you need to reconsider moving in together

spotcheck · 07/02/2022 20:29

Wot everyone else said...

Blossomtoes · 07/02/2022 20:31

I think he should run for the hills. I would.

grapewine · 07/02/2022 20:31

@Ozanj

Give us specific examples of her behaviour because you’re sounding unhinged right now
Agreed.
Soontobe60 · 07/02/2022 20:31

I think you may find, OP, that your DP will soon back out if buying a house with someone who doesn’t want his mother to know where he lives!

billy1966 · 07/02/2022 20:33

If his mother is that awful and he still wants her in his life and therefore yours, I would rethink buying a house with him.

This is a big conflict between you.

Don't buy a house with him until you can agree on these issues.

notagainnotagain · 07/02/2022 20:34

Unless she is criminally dangerous you are being unreasonable.

Maybe he should re think buying with you if you feel that strongly about his mother

Ncwinc · 07/02/2022 20:37

Are we talking arrests/hospitalisation for violent behaviour?

mugoftea456 · 07/02/2022 20:38

Aggressive and unpredictable.

They are very strong words. I would describe my violent ex as those things and would not give him my address.

Without examples of her behaviour it's impossible to say whither you are reasonable or not.

WoMandalorian · 07/02/2022 20:40

Why could you not just lock the door? She can turn up as much as she likes but she wouldn't get in.

lemonsorbetinthesun · 07/02/2022 20:42

Hard to say without knowing why, but as a general rule….

Turns up without invite - don’t answer the door.
Comes with an invite at arranged convenient time - go out or avoid her in the house.

WheresYourSnickers · 07/02/2022 20:44

Seems a bit extreme. If I was your oh I wouldn't move with you.

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