Page 2 | AIBU not wanting MIL to know our address

flyingdream · 07/02/2022 20:45

If will affect your relationship with your partner.

Booklover3 · 07/02/2022 20:48

I think you need to give a bit more information here. Why can’t you just refuse to let her in?

Returnoftheowl · 07/02/2022 20:48

If you're buying together then it's his house too... You can't stop him telling him mum where he lives.

Original poster

Fashionista22 · 07/02/2022 20:49

To clarify, no of course I would never stop him seeing/talking to his mum! I don’t (and shouldn’t) have any part in their relationship, it’s just come up as this is something that effects me.

I don’t want to go into details but she’s had a history of being very unreasonable in the past, very intimidating, shouting and screaming at people in the street (not me) And yes, she has once went to hit me and had to be held back! This was not all aimed at me but when it was I felt unsafe. DH agrees this was awful but thinks I’m being over the top being so firm.

Why should I have to give my address out to someone I’m unsure of? It’s not like she would ever need it anyway (she lives in Scotland) If she wasn’t so aggressive then of course I wouldn’t think twice about it!

OP posts:

Gazelda · 07/02/2022 20:50

Is she likely to ever try to turn up?

AuntyBumBum · 07/02/2022 20:50

You bonkers lady

Partyatnumberten · 07/02/2022 20:51

Most houses come with door that lock these days. It's a good way to keep people from coming in unexpectedly.

Twinkle1989 · 07/02/2022 20:52

If she lives in Scotland and is unlikely to ever need it, what's the harm in your husband telling his own mother where he lives? Or do you just enjoy the drama?

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/02/2022 20:54

Roselilly36 · 07/02/2022 20:54

Do you have children OP? How would you feel if their partner didn’t want them to give you their new address? Very unreasonable & controlling behaviour, this is your partners mum.

CookieMunch · 07/02/2022 20:56

Does she have a history of turning up unannounced? And if so what does she do that worries you so much? Unless she’s dangerous or violent I think Yabu

caringcarer · 07/02/2022 20:59

How can she send birthday cards without an address?

lottiegarbanzo · 07/02/2022 21:06

Yale lock, Ring doorbell and an agreement with DH that he meets her elsewhere, should do it.

Momicrone · 07/02/2022 21:09

Yabvu

Original poster

Fashionista22 · 07/02/2022 21:09

Thanks for your replies…

The fact is I don’t feel safe around her. As I mentioned earlier, she’s very unpredictable and aggressive. Not the type of person who who ring a door bell, be told no and politely go away!

She’s unlikely to drive down but if she wanted to she would. If I was on my own or with my child I’d honestly feel scared. Is it really fair for me to have that worry she’ll turn up, for what? (She never sends cards so wouldn’t need it for that)

OP posts:

lottiegarbanzo · 07/02/2022 21:12

But how would she get in?

Original poster

Fashionista22 · 07/02/2022 21:17

@lottiegarbanzo

But how would she get in?

It’s more about her knowing where we live. I doubt she’d try to get in but do think she would just wait outside (and has done this before at a hotel)

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 07/02/2022 21:20

You're insane to be involved with this family at all.

Original poster

Fashionista22 · 07/02/2022 21:20

@AuntyBumBum

You bonkers lady

Is it really that bonkers to want to feel safe in your (and around!) your home?

OP posts:

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 07/02/2022 21:22

@Fashionista22

Thanks for your replies…

The fact is I don’t feel safe around her. As I mentioned earlier, she’s very unpredictable and aggressive. Not the type of person who who ring a door bell, be told no and politely go away!

She’s unlikely to drive down but if she wanted to she would. If I was on my own or with my child I’d honestly feel scared. Is it really fair for me to have that worry she’ll turn up, for what? (She never sends cards so wouldn’t need it for that)

In 99% of cases of course YABVU.

If this is the 1% (and you don't have to tell us the history) and you don't feel safe around her then why are you and your DH at loggerheads?

Has she done something in the past that you haven't disclosed in which case its the old "DH problem" or do you just not get on with her in which case of course he can tell her and you can't stop him.

mummykel16 · 07/02/2022 21:27

@Fashionista22

Currently having an ongoing argument with my partner and would love to hear some options.

I don’t get on with his mum. She’s aggressive and unpredictable. He thinks I’m being over the top but that’s how I feel. We’re looking to buy a house in another area soon and I said I don’t want her to know our new address. On one hand he should be able to tell his mum his address and thinks this will effect their relationship. On the other hand, why should I have to live in a place worrying she’ll turn up one day?

What would you do?

A different partner?

ADisgruntledPelican · 07/02/2022 21:28

This isn't just about your MIL. It's about your DH. You're asking him to lie to his DM or to tell her that he's moved but she can't have the address. That's ott and UR.
If you feel so threatened by someone who lives in another country then you need to seriously reconsider your relationship with your DH. You can't have a relationship with him whilst being so UR demanding about his DM.
You've given no examples of her trying to get into your current house so your 'fear' about her targeting a new house just seems like you trying to justify your unreasonableness.

T00Ts · 07/02/2022 21:40

She tried to hit you (assuming you didn’t try to lamp her first) so you’re not unreasonable to not want her to know where you live. However, your H seems to want to maintain a relationship with so I doubt you’ll get your way. I’m not sure I’d want to be involved with any of them, but hey.

AndAnotherNewOne · 07/02/2022 21:44

YABVU. Of course he's going to tell his mum where he lives.

ittakes2 · 07/02/2022 21:48

I think you might want to reconsider buying a house with him in another area. Either he is not supporting you when it comes to his mum and things won't change - red flag for what else he is not supporting you with. Or you are being unreasonable. Either way it sounds like you have some issues you need to sort out before you consider buying a house together.