Page 20 | Toddler pack lunch in cafes

FlippityFlippityFlop · 10/02/2022 17:18

Obviously we can all agree that turning up to a cafe/restaurant not buying anything and eating your own picnic is not on.

Going to a cafe and ordering for yourself (drink and cake/sandwich/meal) and giving your toddler some home bought food is fine. It's normally some cut up cucumber/carrots/grapes/rice cakes that the cafe doesn't even sell. Honestly - under 4 years old this is such a non event I can't believe that anyone would get worked up about it.

BuddhaForMary · 10/02/2022 17:20

@FlippityFlippityFlop

Obviously we can all agree that turning up to a cafe/restaurant not buying anything and eating your own picnic is not on.

Going to a cafe and ordering for yourself (drink and cake/sandwich/meal) and giving your toddler some home bought food is fine. It's normally some cut up cucumber/carrots/grapes/rice cakes that the cafe doesn't even sell. Honestly - under 4 years old this is such a non event I can't believe that anyone would get worked up about it.

Very well put.

Pigeonpocket · 10/02/2022 17:26

@FlippityFlippityFlop

Obviously we can all agree that turning up to a cafe/restaurant not buying anything and eating your own picnic is not on.

Going to a cafe and ordering for yourself (drink and cake/sandwich/meal) and giving your toddler some home bought food is fine. It's normally some cut up cucumber/carrots/grapes/rice cakes that the cafe doesn't even sell. Honestly - under 4 years old this is such a non event I can't believe that anyone would get worked up about it.

Your line is 4 years old, somebody else's might be 6 years old, somebody else's might be a fussy adult.

It can also make food hygiene rules difficult for the cafe if people are bringing in their own food that they have zero control over.

Mollymoostoo · 10/02/2022 17:39

@Casheeeew

I eat a about 3 cafes near me regularly, but only once per week, occasionally twice. I have always taken my son (18months) a full packed lunch, and I buy myself lunch and a coffee.

Its never occured to me to question this until today. Is he too old to be having home brought food?

They do have a kids menu but I prefer him to have a selection of things to pick at that I know he'll like.

Aibu - or if not, how long before he's too old?

Worry about it when the cafe owner says it is an issue.

Toodleloodle · 10/02/2022 19:15

I think this is fine OP. Kids at this age are fussy, they often won't try new things and s lot of stuff on menus isn't actually appropriate or what what they would want to eat. And I agree, ridiculous to spend £5 on something they're going to chuck on the floor. As long as you buy a drink and food yourself, I think you'd have to be a pretty miserable cafe owner to object. Don't like it? Provide better options - talknto parents and ask them about what they'd like to see on the menu, and at what price. From age 2, I started ordering stuff off the menu for my toddler - at that point she enjoyed the novelty and would actually eat something.

nonono1 · 10/02/2022 22:06

This thread is unbelievable! Honestly OP, ignore the miseries on here, continue going to the cafe and taking your own food if that’s what works best for your toddler. The cafe clearly don’t have a problem with it as they’ve had ample opportunities to say something by now. I’m sure they really appreciate your regular custom!

appleturnovers · 11/02/2022 15:26

@Holskey

There are so many people on this thread who think they're taking up the cause of cafe owners by telling mums to go elsewhere if their children won't eat from the menu. I'm sure plenty of cafe owners would NOT thank you for turning away their business. Let them decide and communicate for themselves.

Exactly!!! I've never been told I can't give my toddler her own snacks in a cafe. If they did come up and say "sorry you can't eat that here" I'd just say "OK, sorry, no problem" and leave (and not return to the cafe again until DC are old enough to eat from their menu).

Giving your toddler a courgette muffin and a handful of grapes is hardly the same as a group of adults bringing a massive chippy tea into a pub that's doing food (which I have seen people do and the staff have no qualms about telling them to get out). The fact that so many people do bring toddler food to cafes would suggest that many cafe owners prefer to maintain the parents' custom rather than quibbling over whether they could have bought a slice of toast for a quid.

appleturnovers · 11/02/2022 16:22

So why do they take their toddlers to cafes then? Take them somewhere they'll eat the food on offer or have a picnic or something.

Christ alive, sometimes you're just shopping in town and you're tired and hungry and it's raining and you just want to sit down somewhere as quickly as possible and don't have time to research cafes with dedicated healthy toddler menus. Or sometimes you're with a group of adults and you have to just go with the group. I know perfect people plan every single second of every day and never have anything unforeseen arise, but not all of us are able to live up to such prodigious expectations, so shoot us. Some of us venture further than our home towns and end up places we're not familiar with too! Oh no, call the police! As far as I'm concerned, if it provides high chairs then they're happy to accept small children (and Starbucks etc. do have highchairs).

What is "food for toddlers"? Most coffee shops sell sandwiches, toasties, biscuits, cake etc. It's not like it's all oysters and champagne.

Well there's a massive difference between 14 months and 3 and a half years, isn't there? Many younger toddlers are still grappling with different tastes and textures, they don't even have all their teeth yet, lots of things are too tough for them to chew, they're often fussy, they throw things on the floor. Lots of children's meals and cafe food generally has way too much salt for little ones and no fruit or vegetable content whatsoever. Unhealthy food might be no big deal if it's a one-off, but if it's going to be a long day and you've got to have lunch and tea out and about, or if it's the 4th day in a row that you're eating out because you're a terribly neglectful mother and a harlot you're on holiday, or you've just had a very busy week, then it's not really a viable option.

At the end of the day, if the cafes were actually bothered by it, they'd say something. The fact they don't clearly means they're not bothered.

blyn72 · 11/02/2022 16:24

I didn't know there was such a thing as a courgette muffin . Doesn't sound very appetising.

Squidgames4U · 11/02/2022 16:44

My son has allergies, so I always took food for him. But I ALWAYS explained and asked if this was OK, and would always make a point of buying a proper drink for him. Only one place ever refused - they had nothing on their menu he could eat but still refused, even though there were 6 adults who would have been paying to eat! (Pizza Express if anyone is wondering!)

BuddhaForMary · 11/02/2022 17:01

What a depressing thread. So if I'm out with my toddler (and I always pack snacks if we're in town for a while), I shouldn't be able to pop into a cafe for a breather with coffee and cake and get his snacks out??

Christ. No wonder parents of small children feel so isolated if they're worrying about this shit.

Never had a cafe owner ask me not to give toddler his snacks. I'm paying for food and drink myself, chances are he's just sat in his pushchair not even taking up a high chair.

All these people who reckon they're standing up for cafe owners, I don't think they'd thank you for losing them custom by telling parents they shouldn't go there if they have a toddler eating their own snacks!!

TrippinEdBalls · 11/02/2022 17:04

At the end of the day, if the cafes were actually bothered by it, they'd say something. The fact they don't clearly means they're not bothered.

People keep saying this but I think it really underestimates how hard and awkward it is to have that kind of confrontation - if the person getting out their own food in a cafe gets angry at being told not to it'll ruin the atmosphere for everyone (and it seems likely they might, since they've already shown they don't follow normal social etiquette). It really shouldn't be your approach in life to behave badly until someone tells you explicitly not to!

TrippinEdBalls · 11/02/2022 17:06

So why do they take their toddlers to cafes then? Take them somewhere they'll eat the food on offer or have a picnic or something.

People seem to think that all cafe food will give their child instant fatal salt poisoning (but that the cheese sandwich they make at home is salt-free )

blyn72 · 11/02/2022 17:37

@blyn72

I didn't know there was such a thing as a courgette muffin

. Doesn't sound very appetising.

I googled and there are lots of recipes online for courgette muffins. I learn something new every day on Mumsnet.

Holskey · 11/02/2022 17:42

@TrippinEdBalls

At the end of the day, if the cafes were actually bothered by it, they'd say something. The fact they don't clearly means they're not bothered.

People keep saying this but I think it really underestimates how hard and awkward it is to have that kind of confrontation - if the person getting out their own food in a cafe gets angry at being told not to it'll ruin the atmosphere for everyone (and it seems likely they might, since they've already shown they don't follow normal social etiquette). It really shouldn't be your approach in life to behave badly until someone tells you explicitly not to!

It's not behaving badly though, and you've no good reason to think that cafe owners think it is either. Most of the time I'm not even offered a children's menu with my 19-month-old and if I am it's very much asked in an unsure way because they're aimed at older children. He doesn't look like he could eat a plate of chicken nuggets and chips. And toast isn't a lunch/dinner.

BrambleRoses · 11/02/2022 17:48

It really isn’t great manners to be eating a packed lunch in a cafe.

SpaghettiArmsMurderer · 11/02/2022 17:54

toast isn't a lunch/dinner

Yes it is I’ve had beans on toast for dinner and peanut butter on toast for lunch this week.

appleturnovers · 11/02/2022 18:31

@BrambleRoses

It really isn’t great manners to be eating a packed lunch in a cafe.

It's absolutely fine if it's a baby or very young toddler who's too young for any of the food they sell.

It's so weird that a website called "mumsnet has so many people who either don't know or don't remember that children have to transition from a milk-only diet to eating a full adult diet, and that this transition can take many months to a year or two.

Or maybe Covid has gone on so long that you've forgotten about the wide variety of cafes there are, with some selling stuff that is perfectly fine for toddlers and some only having an extremely limited selection. (For example, I have been to cafes that only sold spicy food. Another only had these little pizzas made from really tough bread rolls that my 16 mo DD physically couldn't chew).

Like the PP above who said she always buys her DS a drink from the cafe... my DD was about 18 months old before she could reliably drink from a normal cup without chucking or spilling it everywhere, so like f* was I going to order her a drink that was only going to mean changing her entire outfit in their cramped toilet before leaving.

TrippinEdBalls · 11/02/2022 18:35

Or maybe Covid has gone on so long that you've forgotten about the wide variety of cafes there are, with some selling stuff that is perfectly fine for toddlers and some only having an extremely limited selection. (For example, I have been to cafes that only sold spicy food. Another only had these little pizzas made from really tough bread rolls that my 16 mo DD physically couldn't chew).

During Covid have you forgotten that if you don't like the food a cafe offers you can and should go elsewhere?! Stop taking your child to places where you don't think the food is suitable for your child, it isn't rocket science!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/02/2022 19:58

@Holskey - if you leave aside the debate about whether it is or isn’t bad behaviour to bring a packed lunch to a cafe for your child, what about the wider point that @TrippinEdBalls made - that it can be a very difficult conversation for the cafe owner/manager/staff to have with the customer - with a real risk of them becoming abusive or unpleasant, or even leaving spiteful reviews for the cafe?

Personally, I would not be surprised if they chose to avoid such confrontation, even when they would rather people didn’t bring their own food in with them.

It might also be worth asking if a cafe can do something off menu, if there’s nothing on the menu that’s suitable.

Wrenna · 11/02/2022 20:05

Hi OP for what it’s worth I think under 2 is fine. I just don’t think it’s a big deal.

LifeIsBusy · 11/02/2022 20:07

I might be the only one but I take a packed lunch with me almost everywhere I go with my 3 year old. He really struggles to eat in non familiar settings. We do at times still order him food whilst we are out but it's always a total waste.

arcticgoose · 11/02/2022 21:10

It's no big deal. I prepare one regardless every day for my 2.5 yo. Sometimes I feed him on a park bench when he has had a run around and sometimes I grab myself a coffee from the local cafe and he decides he is hungry then and there's only cakes and muffins available at the cafe so it's better to feed the packed lunch instead of cakes. We don't sit there longer than 20 mins and no one has said anything until this day. I think this thread is just too long to be breaking it down to so many what if scenarios. Just do what suits you, no one minds, no one cares. It's a no issue. If there's nice food at the cafe then bingo, buy it and let your child try it. If it's full of chocolate brownies and muffins then do what suits you best.

AegonT · 11/02/2022 21:18

I share my food with the baby and once she's a toddler I'll order her something or ask for toast if there's nothing suitable. I did this with my older child and she expects food to be different at each café or restaurant we go to and isn't fussy. I can't be bothered to pack food.

Holskey · 11/02/2022 22:58

@SpaghettiArmsMurderer

toast isn't a lunch/dinner

Yes it is I’ve had beans on toast for dinner and peanut butter on toast for lunch this week.

My toddler doesn't like peanut butter (not that I've visited a cafe that serves that) and beans is not a food I would give him anywhere other than home on account of the extraordinary mess. Your very specific examples aside, I was answering the "just get them a piece of toast" advice as suggested many times by PPs. Toast isn't sufficient for lunch or dinner. There is often nothing suitable. That's both why this happens and why it's allowed.