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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Toddler pack lunch in cafes

548 replies

Casheeeew · 07/02/2022 14:51

I eat a about 3 cafes near me regularly, but only once per week, occasionally twice. I have always taken my son (18months) a full packed lunch, and I buy myself lunch and a coffee.

Its never occured to me to question this until today. Is he too old to be having home brought food?

They do have a kids menu but I prefer him to have a selection of things to pick at that I know he'll like.

Aibu - or if not, how long before he's too old?

OP posts:
SpaghettiArmsMurderer · 09/02/2022 17:47

@Casheeeew

Okay perhaps I am PFB about salt.
Also a bit misguided - Yeo Valley salted butter actually has less salt per 100g than Cathedral City and Babybels. Slightly salted Lurpak has half the salt levels of the cheese! You can relax about his diet Smile
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/02/2022 18:35

I think that a snack is a small amount of something, not intended to be a full meal. But if the food you’ve packed up is intended to be one of the main meals of the day, then it is a packed meal, not a snack - even if it contains some snack type items. So, for example, a packet of crisps on its own, eaten between meals, is clearly a snack, but if you have the crisps as part of a packed lunch (eg. sandwich, with crisps and fruit), then they are a side dish of the main meal, not a snack.

So, in my mind, if you pack up a number of different snacks, intending to feed all/most of them to your child at lunch time, then it’s a packed lunch, not a few snacks.

Clearly, if you have a child with allergies, or one who has sensory issues with food, or even one who is very picky about food, it makes sense to make sure you have food your child can eat with you. And having a snack to give your child whilst you wait for the food to arrive may be sensible too. But I do think most children should be able to eat something from most cafe menus, and once your child can eat from the cafe menu, you shouldn’t be bringing a full packed lunch for them.

As I said earlier in the thread - we managed to eat out with three small children without ever taking our own food or snacks with us, once they were weaned off puréed food. Maybe we were just lucky, but I do think it helped that the boys knew we didn’t have any snacks with us, so there was no point asking, while we waited for the food to arrive. Plus we tried to avoid places where there would be a long wait for food, and went to places where we were confident that either the food would arrive quickly, or where they’d bring something like bread or prawn crackers as soon as you sat down.

MotherWol · 09/02/2022 21:34

surely there would always be something suitable on the menu

You’d think, but most of the chain coffee shops barely bother to do anything for kids - maybe a fruit smoothie or a full-sized cake if you’re lucky. It’s not like the staff in Starbucks are going to rustle up some off-menu crudités either.

DarthTater3 · 09/02/2022 22:07

@Xds1453

Oh bloody hell people are weird on this thread. Who cares … I took a packed lunch for my son at that age because he’s so fussy I’m not wasting money on a kids meal I know he won’t eat. I used to buy myself food and him a drink and then give him his pack lunch. Honestly don’t even worry about it I’ve never had a funny look or even given it a second thought 🤨
Well said Xds1453. People really do get wound up about the strangest of things on MN.
DarthTater3 · 09/02/2022 22:15

OP just ask a member of staff if they mind, problem solved.

appleturnovers · 09/02/2022 22:36

IMO, 18 months is around about the age where they can start eating the cafe's own food but there'll still be lots of times when the cafe doesn't sell anything appropriate and you need to give them food you've brought from home. For example, the people suggesting toast or a crumpet, yeah that'll do as a snack but it's not nutritious enough if it's their entire lunch (or, say if you're out all day so you need to give them lunch and tea out and about - they can't just have plain toast all day) so I'd definitely supplement it with other things I've brought in my bag if there's nothing they sell that's suitable.
And some restaurants we went to when our DD was 18mo didn't do anything suitable for her at all. At that age, yes they are technically weaned, but that doesn't mean they can eat anything and everything. Even a child's meal is completely unsuitable at that age. Way too big, usually comes on a china plate (liable to be chucked on the floor) with full size cutlery; plus most stuff served in cafes and restaurants has way too much salt or sugar for an under 2, and its often stuff that's difficult for a child at that stage of development to eat (even the children's meals). For example, we once bought a pizza off the children's menu that was so tough my 18mo DD physically couldn't chew it, so it's lucky we did have some of our own food to give her in our bag.

And that's not to even mention days when they're being fussy and refuse to eat the cafe food anyway.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 10/02/2022 01:56

@JustUseTheDoorSanta

A 6 month old does not eat enough to have a full child meal. Either you've forgotten how much they eat or you're just being silly *@Florin*. At 6 months they are still trying a couple of spoons of veg, plus first samples of egg, dairy, bread etc.
Not mine, but one of the DC in my mum's group would ear a massive amount of food for her age. I don't know if it was related, but her parents weaned her overnight at 4 months and by 6 months she was eating more then any of the toddlers I've know.
blyn72 · 10/02/2022 07:43

Mine always ate well from an early age but I think at eighteen months most can eat something substantial from a menu in a child friendly cafe.

N1no · 10/02/2022 08:06

I don’t buy of the kids menu as the quality of the food is often worse then the adult version. I would give him something of my plate.
My partner and I often share a main course and a starter as the food is far too much and I don’t want to take something home every time I go to the restaurant. One pizza and a starter salad is enough for two. So a meal for an adult and a toddler is also enough food.
Sorry, but I hate food waste and I hate overeating. If that’s a problem than I only have a drink and the restaurant/cafe has lost a sale.

marykitty · 10/02/2022 08:15

I think below 2 is still fine, but I would try to buy at least a drink or like an extra side to share with him.

NotMeNoNo · 10/02/2022 08:29

Its about proportion. A family paying for adult meals and having a small portion of their own food for a toddler/baby is one thing, if the place really doesn't sell anything suitable.

A gang of 8 mums and pushchairs taking up the whole morning with bagfuls of picnic food and only paying for a couple of drinks is different. Most cafes that have an issue have probably had problems in the past.

Mary46 · 10/02/2022 11:50

My friend buys a pot of tea thats it!! Op if you buying lunch thats fine.

arcticgoose · 10/02/2022 12:11

Not all cafes cater for my son. It's easier to prepare at home little things he does like instead of buying a whole item knowing that dc won't eat. My dc loves a selection of things like cut grapes, couple of slices of cucumber, a slice of one bread which I fold and make a half sandwich, baby bell, couple of nuts and a small yogurt. I have to buy many dishes for him to eat a pinch of food as he doesn't have a huge appetite which will cost me so much.

If I know which cafe I'm going to say to meet friends and I know the menu which caters for my son, then of course I don't prepare for him and I buy food for him from the cafe. There's some cafes I go to regularly which have a huge selection of food where it's like a buffet in the fridge where I can pick and choose for my son which works well but cafes that are limited to jacket patatoes, beans on toast and chicken nuggets or costa and Starbucks then no. I take a little lunch for him and order myself something and offer him my food which he sometimes likes and most of the times doesn't (before showing his lunch).

PinkSyCo · 10/02/2022 13:53

You’d think, but most of the chain coffee shops barely bother to do anything for kids - maybe a fruit smoothie or a full-sized cake if you’re lucky. It’s not like the staff in Starbucks are going to rustle up some off-menu crudités either.

Take your child somewhere child friendly then. Confused

Holskey · 10/02/2022 15:06

There are so many people on this thread who think they're taking up the cause of cafe owners by telling mums to go elsewhere if their children won't eat from the menu. I'm sure plenty of cafe owners would NOT thank you for turning away their business. Let them decide and communicate for themselves.

Mountainpika · 10/02/2022 15:23

Just ask in the cafe if it's OK, or if they have any little things he would like. Make suggestions. Maybe they could become a child-food-friendly place.

Pigeonpocket · 10/02/2022 15:34

@PinkSyCo

You’d think, but most of the chain coffee shops barely bother to do anything for kids - maybe a fruit smoothie or a full-sized cake if you’re lucky. It’s not like the staff in Starbucks are going to rustle up some off-menu crudités either.

Take your child somewhere child friendly then. Confused

Exactly. I research menus ahead of time to check what's on them and if they'll be suitable for my 2yo and her allergies. If it's obvious it won't be allergy friendly, I don't go. Sometimes you get there and the menu is limited to what they said or it turns out everything has butter in, so I do take snacks. Then the options are either leave, or ask someone if it's OK to give her the food I'd brought. If she didn't have allergies then I'd feel really cheeky giving her food from home.

It would be like going to an Indian restaurant and saying oh my partner doesn't like curry so I've brought him some crisps and sandwiches along. Why did you go there then?!

Monopolyiscrap · 10/02/2022 15:36

Places like Starbucks will know that most parents will bring some snacks to save money. So unless they want to have constant fights with mums, its better to let it go. But it won't make financial sense to provide suitable food for toddlers as so few would buy it.

Pigeonpocket · 10/02/2022 15:41

@Monopolyiscrap

Places like Starbucks will know that most parents will bring some snacks to save money. So unless they want to have constant fights with mums, its better to let it go. But it won't make financial sense to provide suitable food for toddlers as so few would buy it.
What is "food for toddlers"? Most coffee shops sell sandwiches, toasties, biscuits, cake etc. It's not like it's all oysters and champagne. It might not be the most nutritious option in the world but then the parent made the choice to go to Starbucks/other coffee shop, so that's the compromise isn't it.
Monopolyiscrap · 10/02/2022 15:46

I agree there is no such thing in reality as food for toddlers. But just read this thread full of multiple mums who say they wouldn't buy ordinary cafe food for their 2 year old.

Pigeonpocket · 10/02/2022 15:48

@Monopolyiscrap

I agree there is no such thing in reality as food for toddlers. But just read this thread full of multiple mums who say they wouldn't buy ordinary cafe food for their 2 year old.
So why do they take their toddlers to cafes then? Take them somewhere they'll eat the food on offer or have a picnic or something.
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 10/02/2022 16:36

@Pigeonpocket

Because sometimes a parent may want to do something do them and have a lunch cooked by someone else and dishes washed up!

Pigeonpocket · 10/02/2022 16:47

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@Pigeonpocket

Because sometimes a parent may want to do something do them and have a lunch cooked by someone else and dishes washed up![/quote]
Having a toddler doesn't give people a free pass to do whatever they want. You take your toddler to places that are toddler friendly if that's what they need. Most places have a "food not bought on the premises cannot be consumed" rule. Nobody is forcing parents to eat in places that are less toddler friendly, it's a choice.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 10/02/2022 16:53

@Pigeonpocket

It’s some chopped cucumber, bread sticks, apple and yoghurt… can’t get too worked up over this!

BrambleRoses · 10/02/2022 16:56

I think you can recognise something is a bit rude without being ‘worked up’ over it.

Funnily enough I was looking at a museum for half term and it has a cafe - on the website ‘if you would prefer to bring your own food, a picnic area is provided.’