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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler pack lunch in cafes

548 replies

Casheeeew · 07/02/2022 14:51

I eat a about 3 cafes near me regularly, but only once per week, occasionally twice. I have always taken my son (18months) a full packed lunch, and I buy myself lunch and a coffee.

Its never occured to me to question this until today. Is he too old to be having home brought food?

They do have a kids menu but I prefer him to have a selection of things to pick at that I know he'll like.

Aibu - or if not, how long before he's too old?

OP posts:
GlomOfNit · 08/02/2022 22:54

I'm afraid it's never occurred to me that some cafe owners would be angry that I took a packed lunch with me for my toddlers to eat alongside me and the full lunch I was buying there myself. There would't often be food that the picky little so and sos would eat. Glad that some people have solids-eating babies and toddlers who would happily eat something in any cafe but ours never did! Grin

In fact I'm even more of a CF (and sorry, but I really don't care) as - on the fairly rare occasions we do eat out as a family - we take a packed lunch for DS2 who is 11. He's severely autistic and has a myriad of food issues. Most of what is served in cafes, he wouldn't actually regard as edible. Not even chips, or the 'wrong crisps'. I wouldn't expect the cafe, pub or restaurant to be able to rustle up the bizarre collection of permitted foods for him and naturally we don't want him to starve so we bring his meal with us. I always explain when ordering that we've brought his food, and why. Nobody has ever, EVER, made a fuss or even looked pissed off about this. On the extremely rare occasions he'll deign to eat something that we can actually buy him in a restaurant (he's sometimes partial to plain sticky rice, and maybe ice cream if it's the right flavour) we're so chuffed we practically do a happy dance. Believe me, our dream is for us to be able to go out as a family and eat food from the restaurant together!

If it's ok for my child whose disability means he won't eat the food, bringing a packed lunch, why is someone's 18m old not allowed to?

alphabetti · 08/02/2022 23:23

I doubt most cafe owners would mind a paying adult bringing their under 2 their own food. My 14mth would not eat anywhere near a child’s meal so I take her mini meal out with me. If a cafe owner complained I’d simply not return there again

30andgrey · 08/02/2022 23:26

I’m in the minority too I don’t think it’s unreasonable. If it’s a new place or somewhere I know doesn’t cater for what he eats I definitely take things for him after all if he’s happy/distracted I can enjoy the food I’ve ordered. I always clean up any mess made by baby in most cases leaving the place better than how I found it.

Changechangychange · 09/02/2022 02:16

@ChocolateMassacre

Just out of interest, do people think it is OK to breastfeed an 18 month old in a cafe or restaurant?
Well it’s legally protected, so what you or anyone else thinks is kind of irrelevant really isn’t it?
Iwannabewherethepeopleare · 09/02/2022 02:30

What age do people think it is acceptable until? If you think op is NBU, I mean?

PinkSyCo · 09/02/2022 03:34

*I’ve even asked restaurants to heat up pasta bolognaise before (the didn't have a kids menu).

Wow how brazen are you!!!
OP at 18 months old your little one will be able to eat most things so it’s about time you put your hands in your pocket I think, if only to make up for the mess he is no doubt making with his packed lunch.

ChocolateMassacre · 09/02/2022 03:51

@Changechangychange. I find it an odd argument that it's fine to breastfeed your child at any age in a cafe (which btw I completely agree with - I breastfed my DC until age 2 including in lots of cafes), but somehow it's not ok to bring some food for a tiny child who won't eat anything else on offer.

BringOnSandwiches · 09/02/2022 04:36

When I got to a cafe with my DD's I take them snacks but I will always buy them something too. So will bring crisps, fruit pouches, banana, water.
Then I'll buy them sandwich/pasta/toast/crumpet etc.
They are 9 months & 2.5 years.

Florin · 09/02/2022 07:16

@JustUseTheDoorSanta

A 6 month old does not eat enough to have a full child meal. Either you've forgotten how much they eat or you're just being silly *@Florin*. At 6 months they are still trying a couple of spoons of veg, plus first samples of egg, dairy, bread etc.
I haven’t forgotten he was famous for it amongst my family and friends and I have 100’s of pictures and videos to prove it, I have even gone back through my pictures now to double check! At 6 months it was Christmas he ate the starter of triangles of bread topped with smoked salmon followed by strips of tender roast beef a roast potato, veg and a whole Yorkshire pudding and then some cheese cake. At that age he loved tagliatelle with bolognaise and any meat or fish. I have pictures of him at about 8 months of him sharing a whole crab with my Mum. Weaning was my favourite thing as he was a reflux baby and was miserable but as soon as he started eating he became a different baby and would eat whatever he could get hold of and he loved trying new things. We starting ordering him just veg and fish in restaurants but he soon progressed to polishing off a full kids meal before he was a year old. All kids are different and food was and still is his skill and passion. At 3 his Friday treat was (and still is) going to the fishmongers down our road to pick whatever fish he wants to try. Before 7 he would watch James Martin with us and picked out the chef he liked the look of the food they cooked and asked to try their restaurants which we did and by that point he turned down any kids menu as he preferred the variety of the adult menu and would spend ages picking what he wanted. He is now 9 and it has turned into his hobby and for example if you ask him what he wants to do in London for a trip whereas other kids may pick an attraction he will name a restaurant he wants to try. He has just been a foodie from day 1 all kids are different a relatives child who is exactly the same age was completely different and even at 2 if he could get away with a baby food pouch he would as good just wasn’t and still isn’t their thing.
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 09/02/2022 07:20

@Florin

Surely you realise that isn’t the norm though?

DarlingDarwin · 09/02/2022 07:27

@Florin seems very unlikely! Memory is an odd thing.

I take a packed lunch for my 15 month old. My 4 year old has a meal, and has done since he was around 2.5 and would eat a whole meal.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 09/02/2022 08:08

@Florin - portion size at 6 months is 1-2 tablespoons for anything soft plus 1-2 bits of finger food for the solid bits like toast. It would be very unhealthy (and most likely impossible) for a baby that age to eat a full meal of chips, burgers etc.

Pigeonpocket · 09/02/2022 08:11

My dd has multiple allergies so I always take some safe snacks with us but only once has there been nothing on the menu she could eat. Inevitably though the thing in the menu that's safe for her is chips, so I do feel like people judge the 2yo eating nothing but chips sometimes!

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 09/02/2022 08:22

@Pigeonpocket

My dd has multiple allergies so I always take some safe snacks with us but only once has there been nothing on the menu she could eat. Inevitably though the thing in the menu that's safe for her is chips, so I do feel like people judge the 2yo eating nothing but chips sometimes!
One of the DNs has no allergies but will only eat chips when out due to being fussy. We were out with an extra friend who then copied this. Nobody with a child around that age would blink at it!
Changechangychange · 09/02/2022 08:23

@Florin So you started weaning at six months, and in under four weeks he’d moved onto a full-sized kids meal? And roast beef? Sorry, I don’t believe you.

KitKat0909 · 09/02/2022 08:27

Anyone making similarities between them (an adult) sitting down in a cafe and bringing out a packed lunch and a BABY doing the same is just being pedantic. It's a child fgs! Completely different.

xidrinkwinex · 09/02/2022 08:40

I always take lunch for my fussy 20 month old.
I am not rich, and I can't bare to watch her waste food / make a scene if I try to give her things she doesn't like. I go into coffee shops. And even restaurants. I have never been questioned.

I always buy myself lunch / coffee / cake. And I always offer my daughter some.

I don't see how it makes any difference. They would never make any more money out of me? As I would offer her food off my plate. Never ever would I pay for her own portion!

Florin · 09/02/2022 09:01

[quote JustUseTheDoorSanta]@Florin - portion size at 6 months is 1-2 tablespoons for anything soft plus 1-2 bits of finger food for the solid bits like toast. It would be very unhealthy (and most likely impossible) for a baby that age to eat a full meal of chips, burgers etc.[/quote]
He didn’t eat burgers and chip he would eat things like a good size piece of white fish and a selection of veg mainly as it was also cleaner! I wouldn’t let him at under a year have spaghetti bolognaise out as it would have been carnage, that was saved for at home where he could eat just in his nappy. I agree at 6 months it is rare but he just took to his food but most of my friends kids at 18 months were eating a proper meal.
He was weaned at a little under 6 months due to advice from the doctor due to reflux, we just gave him what we had apart from a few things and he ate it.

Florin · 09/02/2022 09:02

I will dig out some photos for you!

Florin · 09/02/2022 09:11

[quote JustUseTheDoorSanta]@Florin - portion size at 6 months is 1-2 tablespoons for anything soft plus 1-2 bits of finger food for the solid bits like toast. It would be very unhealthy (and most likely impossible) for a baby that age to eat a full meal of chips, burgers etc.[/quote]
Sorry I should add that as soon as he started on food it was very clear how much he hated his milk and he completely refused it in the day from I think about 7 or 8 months and at 10 months refused any milk at all day or night however hard we tried and he hasn’t ever touched it since so food very quickly became his only calorie source hence eating more.

Kidsfortea · 09/02/2022 09:14

ChocolateMassacre as a cafe owner breast feeding a baby is not a problem providing you are buying something for the whole group of you. The problem arises when it is assumed that it is ok to take up 3 tables and have toddlers eating their own food as we. We had this and when told that they all had to leave (except for the lady feeding) they were rude, threw the sandwiches and drinks all over the floor then had the cheek to write a complaint email saying we were inconsiderate of their needs as it was to cold outside for their children.

BrambleRoses · 09/02/2022 09:14

It makes a difference because one involves taking your own lunch into a cafe.

If you’re ‘not rich’ and can’t afford to eat out, then don’t.

If your child won’t eat their own portion, offer them some of hours, or bring small snacks to nibble on.

But bringing a packed lunch - that’s where I do think it tips over into being really ill mannered and a bit arrogant and treating the cafe like a personal park bench or other public space.

Original poster
Casheeeew · 09/02/2022 09:48

A packed lunch for a toddler is just a few snacks though isn't it? It's not like I pack him a hot dog and chips with a side of coleslaw.

OP posts:
ThatsGoingToHurt · 09/02/2022 09:52

Both my kids were took to solids like a duck to water and we on three meals a day day by seven months (as well as being breast fed!) However, that is very unusual.

My son is 19 months and ate a whole kids meal in the cafe at the weekend. He’s still growing rapidly and loves to eat and is in 2-3 year old clothes (for length). I know this is unusual. He also loves any opportunity to use a fork and spoon.

When he was younger I just used to get him some milk and a crumpet/piece of toast.

Kidsfortea · 09/02/2022 09:56

@SpaghettiArmsMurderer

If you don’t like the food a cafe offers, surely the correct choice is to not go there, not to go there but pointedly bring your own food!

Agreed! Cafes are businesses that sell food, not a charity providing space for parents and toddlers to get out of the house. Provide feedback to the cafe on their menu by all means, but you can’t bring your own food.

⬆️ This