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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler pack lunch in cafes

548 replies

Casheeeew · 07/02/2022 14:51

I eat a about 3 cafes near me regularly, but only once per week, occasionally twice. I have always taken my son (18months) a full packed lunch, and I buy myself lunch and a coffee.

Its never occured to me to question this until today. Is he too old to be having home brought food?

They do have a kids menu but I prefer him to have a selection of things to pick at that I know he'll like.

Aibu - or if not, how long before he's too old?

OP posts:
BrambleRoses · 08/02/2022 20:51

Yes so you feed your child before or after, not during, or alternatively, find somewhere where he or she can eat.

Most cafes do offer things like scrambled egg, avocado on toast and so on.

Lovely13 · 08/02/2022 20:52

As ex-owner of cafe, don’t worry about doing your thing with toddler lunch. Makes the place look busier. Attracts more customers. No one wants to walk into an empty venue. At least that’s what my ex always told me! Guess if everyone’s doing it, that may be bad for business, though!

Geranium1984 · 08/02/2022 21:02

I have an 18mo and occasionally go out to cafes. I always take a back up packed meal for him but will always order him something off the menu or get him a crossaint or something. I've even asked restaurants to heat up pasta bolognaise before (the didn't have a kids menu).

He is very hit and miss with eating the food when we are out. Doesn't eat sandwiches or fish fingers etc.

Original poster
Casheeeew · 08/02/2022 21:13

@BrambleRoses

That’s not the point though *@KatyRebecca84*

You could apply that to literally anything.

It’s perfectly acceptable for me to go to my local cafe and just have a coffee, so why don’t I bring a packed lunch? Would they prefer to lose my custom full stop?

I have no idea because I would never do this and nor would most people, to be honest. There are just some things that are generally accepted to be impolite and inappropriate and eating your own food in a cafe is one of them!

I think placating a fussy toddler with a biscuit or rice cake is fine, but I think there is a huge difference between that and getting a lunch box out!

You're not an 18m old - you can eat anything on a menu (dietary restrictions may come in to play).

Can people stop comparing a small toddler - not long ago a baby, with an adult Hmm.

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 08/02/2022 21:17

Formula, breast milk (even if in a bottle) or similar is fine though.

Aw that's really good of you to allow people to feed their babies in your cafe Hmm

IHateWasps · 08/02/2022 21:19

Can people stop comparing a small toddler - not long ago a baby, with an adult hmm.

I think BrambleRoses is talking about KatyRebecca84's child who at 3.5 isn't even a toddler.

BrambleRoses · 08/02/2022 21:21

@Casheeeew but it isn’t a baby, it’s a toddler, and I have a child a few months younger than yours.

If there is nothing suitable on the menu for the child then the appropriate thing is lunch before or afterwards. Not taking packed lunch to a cafe Hmm

I am genuinely a bit Shock that it’s okay because it’s a child. It really isn’t.

Original poster
Casheeeew · 08/02/2022 21:26

We go to the cafe after his little toddler class, as a treat (to me I guess, but he loves people watching and is always happy).

It's our ritual. So whilst I have agreed to buy something like toast or a crumpet, I still want to bring him some fruit and a bit of cheese etc, unless the owners tell me not to, which I will then respect.

If you're saying I should feed him before or after, then, well I just would go home for lunch. Which I'm sure you'd not give two craps about but it would be a shame for us.

OP posts:
BrambleRoses · 08/02/2022 21:30

I think there is a massive difference between nibbling on a bit of cheese or rice cake and a packed lunch.

There are a lot of people who agree with you, it is clearly just different perspectives and I’m not saying mine is necessarily the correct or ‘right’ one. I just feel that as an argument ‘well they are getting my custom’ is a weak one as this could apply to anything - I could take a packed lunch and order a coffee and at least they are getting my custom, I could eat with a friend and open a flask of coffee and at least they are getting our custom, it could be never ending! I feel for that reason it’s just generally not the done thing to bring your own food into a cafe.

Where very small children are concerned, I do think some leeway over snacks is fine but I think if you are getting out a packed lunch that does take the piss a bit.

Thatsplentyjack · 08/02/2022 21:30

I think its fine to be honest. He's 18 months old. People on here just get themselves a little too riled up about bathing sometimes.

Thatsplentyjack · 08/02/2022 21:30

About nothing, not bathing!

BrambleRoses · 08/02/2022 21:31

Which I'm sure you'd not give two craps about but it would be a shame for us

I have no idea why you are being so arsey with me when numerous others have said the same throughout the thread.

ChocolateMassacre · 08/02/2022 21:34

Just out of interest, do people think it is OK to breastfeed an 18 month old in a cafe or restaurant?

vincettenoir · 08/02/2022 21:37

YNBU in doing what works for you with an 18 month old.

NotACompleterFinis · 08/02/2022 21:38

Either keep him to the packed lunch - or just give him food from the cafe. I was told once by a friend who ran a cafe that eating your own food causes complications if you ever get food poisoning after eating out. It's not clear whether they are liable......

BrambleRoses · 08/02/2022 21:39

Why wouldn’t it be, @ChocolateMassacre?

Stinkingrich · 08/02/2022 21:46

Yanbu.
Cafes over charge any way as long as you are buying yourself some food and not just a drink. I did until my child started school, eating out is expensive why waste money when they won’t eat that size portion. My children take their drink bottles with them to restaurants, saves buying fruit shoots at £2.50 a time.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 08/02/2022 21:54

I took mine out at the weekend and she ate her kids meal and then more than half of my lunch 🙄

Original poster
Casheeeew · 08/02/2022 21:55

@BrambleRoses

Which I'm sure you'd not give two craps about but it would be a shame for us

I have no idea why you are being so arsey with me when numerous others have said the same throughout the thread.

I'm not really getting arsey you. But I only assumed if I wrote that I'd just eat at home people would reply "well eat at home then". I'm just pointing out that it would be a shame, but the people saying I'm a CF wouldn't care less.
OP posts:
Ikeptgoing · 08/02/2022 22:00

Yanbu
Especially as you have now decided you'll buy him something also when you are there. I would have no issue with a toddler having fruit snacks as well and bottled milk or water (anything you can't buy in cafe) , it's a balance of you are buying food and drinks for yourself and may be some for him.

It's the people who bring in children and sit there nursing one coffee and feeding their DCs home brought food they smear everywhere as that isn't fair to the cafe business

Once he gets to about 3, unless he has severe allergies I'd expect you not to bring "packed lunch" but to buy his food at cafe and respect the usual child and adult rule of "you eat in cafe what you buy there". He can eat the rest elsewhere.

BrambleRoses · 08/02/2022 22:00

I haven’t said you’re a CF, but while I don’t want to labour the point or anything, I do think it’s unreasonable to go into a cafe or restaurant with a packed lunch for anybody - child or adult. I suppose the only exception would be someone with severe allergies.

Xds1453 · 08/02/2022 22:02

Oh bloody hell people are weird on this thread. Who cares … I took a packed lunch for my son at that age because he’s so fussy I’m not wasting money on a kids meal I know he won’t eat. I used to buy myself food and him a drink and then give him his pack lunch. Honestly don’t even worry about it I’ve never had a funny look or even given it a second thought 🤨

CocoPrivileges · 08/02/2022 22:12

Maybe it's the parents who turn up at restaurants armed with their own "picky bits" or packed lunches who reinforce the problem of their child being so fussy in the first place? (Obviously allergies etc are a different matter.) It's not something that would have occurred to me to do...surely there would always be something suitable on the menu?

Florin · 08/02/2022 22:14

At 18 months I would think you could find something to order for them. Our son would happily eat most of a kids meal from 6 months (blw and loves his food from day 1) if we went to a restaurant without a kids menu we used to just ask for a piece of white fish and vegetables which he was always happy with. We always made sure we cleared after him. However always took plenty of snacks to keep him busy until the food came as when they need food they need food!

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 08/02/2022 22:22

A 6 month old does not eat enough to have a full child meal. Either you've forgotten how much they eat or you're just being silly @Florin. At 6 months they are still trying a couple of spoons of veg, plus first samples of egg, dairy, bread etc.

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