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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler pack lunch in cafes

548 replies

Casheeeew · 07/02/2022 14:51

I eat a about 3 cafes near me regularly, but only once per week, occasionally twice. I have always taken my son (18months) a full packed lunch, and I buy myself lunch and a coffee.

Its never occured to me to question this until today. Is he too old to be having home brought food?

They do have a kids menu but I prefer him to have a selection of things to pick at that I know he'll like.

Aibu - or if not, how long before he's too old?

OP posts:
Nomorefuckstogive · 08/02/2022 18:58

I think you’re fine doing this. You are buying your own lunch, so as long as you keep doing that you’re fine. You could explain to the café staff that he can’t eat foods with salt, so that they don’t think you’re rude or oblivious. I wouldn’t have an issue, if it were my café - you sound like a good customer 😊

Louk2382 · 08/02/2022 18:58

Ooh I’m worried now. I go to a local cafe maybe once a week (early morning) and get myself a coffee. I bring my 2 year old a bag of crisps to keep her happy. Is that awful. They are a lovely cafe and usually bring her over a cheeky chocolate too.

Original poster
Casheeeew · 08/02/2022 19:00

Thanks for the link @elbea I see they try and deter giving sausage.

Appreciate everyone's in put.

I once again want to reiterate, the reason I do it is because i was under the impression 18m was too young for the kids menu, as toddlers have different dietary needs than older children: much less salt.

Will buy something and supplement it with healthy snacks, to make it well balanced.

And maybe share a cake once in a while :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Casheeeew · 08/02/2022 19:05

Uh, that makes me sound very PFB.

I just want to do right by the cafe, and not feel guilty about what I feed my son, as it's once a week and sometimes the weekend - so too regular for continuous treats, for me.

OP posts:
BurntO · 08/02/2022 19:05

Too old IMO. 12 months is too old

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 08/02/2022 19:06

The kids menu is usually basic and same everywhere you go too.
It's also generally unsuitable for under 5s. Huge pile of chips, large burger or pile of fried chicken, stacks of cucumber and lettuce that about 1 in 20 toddlers will actually eat. None do a toddler size and few offer any food type that's suitable. It doesn't need to be complicated; just offer half cheese or ham sandwich with cherry tomatoes, cheesy beans on toast, scrambled egg with range of ingredients, fruit pancake (optionally dairy free with oat milk and non-dairy spread), fruit and honey porridge, small plate of mixed fruit etc. Lots of cafes will make that stuff off-menu, but it's a shame they won't put it on a menu because they lose out of easy trade.

Dnaltocs · 08/02/2022 19:06

Time to pay your way and buy your toddler food. It’s a business and you’re taking up space. Think you most probably knew this anyway.
Someone on here said it would be too expensive. Yes children are expensive.

KitKat0909 · 08/02/2022 19:07

@Casheeeew

I eat a about 3 cafes near me regularly, but only once per week, occasionally twice. I have always taken my son (18months) a full packed lunch, and I buy myself lunch and a coffee.

Its never occured to me to question this until today. Is he too old to be having home brought food?

They do have a kids menu but I prefer him to have a selection of things to pick at that I know he'll like.

Aibu - or if not, how long before he's too old?

Look at it this way... if I couldn't bring some snacks for my 2 year old when out for lunch / coffee and cake etc then I would very rarely go out. At least this way, OP is visiting these cafes regularly and giving them profit.

Also, what if I am a single customer sitting at a table for two or more, and I decide I only want a slice of toast and some water? OP says they regularly buy lunch and a drink which is substantially more.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

Iwannabewherethepeopleare · 08/02/2022 19:15

Why do people compare things to make one look better? A person on a laptop shouldn’t go to a cafe and nurse one drink for hours either! How does that make packed lunches in a food serving place ok? Again, I think it’s up to the owner but two wrongs don’t make a right! Same on dogs barking in restaurants, people say oh but toddlers are annoying in them too! It’s not a competition to see what’s worse.

ChocolateMassacre · 08/02/2022 19:17

@JustUseTheDoorSanta

The kids menu is usually basic and same everywhere you go too. It's also generally unsuitable for under 5s. Huge pile of chips, large burger or pile of fried chicken, stacks of cucumber and lettuce that about 1 in 20 toddlers will actually eat. None do a toddler size and few offer any food type that's suitable. It doesn't need to be complicated; just offer half cheese or ham sandwich with cherry tomatoes, cheesy beans on toast, scrambled egg with range of ingredients, fruit pancake (optionally dairy free with oat milk and non-dairy spread), fruit and honey porridge, small plate of mixed fruit etc. Lots of cafes will make that stuff off-menu, but it's a shame they won't put it on a menu because they lose out of easy trade.
This is true. If cafes and restaurants want you to buy food for toddlers, why don't more offer food suitable for toddlers in toddler portions?
Justgettingbye · 08/02/2022 19:18

I think it's fine to take a packed lunch he's still so young and you're buying yourself something anyway

Overtired201984 · 08/02/2022 19:19

I don’t think you are being unreasonable , as long you’re buying something for you . It’s often a waste high cafe prices for something they probably won’t eat .

Justgettingbye · 08/02/2022 19:21

@Overtired201984

I don’t think you are being unreasonable , as long you’re buying something for you . It’s often a waste high cafe prices for something they probably won’t eat .
Agreed! We went out as a family and I order tomato pasta for my 18m old and gestured it was for him and out came a big bowl and he had about 5 pieces and tried to throw the rest on the floor. It cost us £5 I think
bob1985 · 08/02/2022 19:32

Personally, I would say 18 months is totally fine to skill take a packed lunch in. As long as you're buying food for yourself.

Worked in a cafe and we wouldn't have been bothered by this at all. I certainly don't think they will hate you.

At 18months most kids portions are far too big still. And it's just a waste of money.

When my DD was that age i always took in snacks/food for her but bought her smoothies/fruit juice

DarthTater3 · 08/02/2022 19:51

I think it’s fine as long as you’re ordering something for yourself. No different in terms of their profits to if I went in and sat by myself. I’ve done this in loads of places with my 18 month old - sometimes just snacks, sometimes full pack up lunch. Noone’s ever questioned it and if they did I would explain my reasons (sometimes that there’s nothing he likes on the menu but he also has egg/dairy allergies). If they weren’t happy with my explanation I’d assume they’re not very family friendly/understanding and take my business elsewhere.

KatyRebecca84 · 08/02/2022 20:07

@BrambleRoses so I should stay at home and they’ll lose my custom as well? I can buy myself a coffee and a nice salad… they’re making money from me. My son can eat something healthy I’ve brought with me. It isn’t a crime and no one has ever told me to leave! Not a really big deal is it!

BrambleRoses · 08/02/2022 20:13

That’s not the point though @KatyRebecca84

You could apply that to literally anything.

It’s perfectly acceptable for me to go to my local cafe and just have a coffee, so why don’t I bring a packed lunch? Would they prefer to lose my custom full stop?

I have no idea because I would never do this and nor would most people, to be honest. There are just some things that are generally accepted to be impolite and inappropriate and eating your own food in a cafe is one of them!

I think placating a fussy toddler with a biscuit or rice cake is fine, but I think there is a huge difference between that and getting a lunch box out!

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 08/02/2022 20:13

This thread is hilarious…so Marc people suddenly have a vested interest in the cafe owners and prepared to be outraged by a satsuma in a cafe 😆

I tend to order my son who’s whispers 3 and a half…gasps and clutches at pearls on behalf of the cafe owners… a few snacky bits such as fruit and yogurt to go with something like some toast or crumpets and a hot chocolate that I order from the cafe. It’s never been a problem and if the cafe staff are so bothered then I’m sure they’d say something.

It’s not the end of the world!

Foxglovers · 08/02/2022 20:14

Haha well my DC is 2 and I would’ve brought food without thinking about it. She hardly eats anything anyway so I would give her the option of sharing mine or eating her own. If I ordered something it would go to waste!

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 08/02/2022 20:14

*many

GucciM · 08/02/2022 20:43

Just do whatever suits you, as long as you are purchasing something and paying to eat in, there's no reason why you shouldn't take a packed lunch for your toddler. Don't give a crap about what anyone else thinks. People on here honestly the kid is 8 months old not 18 years!!

CrankyFrankie · 08/02/2022 20:44

I am pretty sure I am not a CF and I do this! And I’m pretty sure nobody minds, as long as you’re spending money and clearing up after them. I guess as you’re familiar with the menu then if the food they offer is food he would eat then you may as well order it, but usually the kids’ menu is cr@p, messy and aimed at older kids.

GucciM · 08/02/2022 20:45

18* months

KatyRebecca84 · 08/02/2022 20:47

@BrambleRoses each to their own. Like others say, most cafes don’t do child appropriate food and if I want my child to have a little snacky lunch of healthy bits I’ll continue to do so! If there was a cheese sandwich with cut up veg and fruit at a reasonable price I may change my mind!

CrankyFrankie · 08/02/2022 20:49

*not necessarily a packed lunch but usually an arsenal of snacks. He can’t wait for food to arrive, usually has no interest in it when it does and I need the leverage!

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