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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler pack lunch in cafes

548 replies

Casheeeew · 07/02/2022 14:51

I eat a about 3 cafes near me regularly, but only once per week, occasionally twice. I have always taken my son (18months) a full packed lunch, and I buy myself lunch and a coffee.

Its never occured to me to question this until today. Is he too old to be having home brought food?

They do have a kids menu but I prefer him to have a selection of things to pick at that I know he'll like.

Aibu - or if not, how long before he's too old?

OP posts:
SpaghettiArmsMurderer · 08/02/2022 11:01

If you don’t like the food a cafe offers, surely the correct choice is to not go there, not to go there but pointedly bring your own food!

Agreed! Cafes are businesses that sell food, not a charity providing space for parents and toddlers to get out of the house. Provide feedback to the cafe on their menu by all means, but you can’t bring your own food.

mewkins · 08/02/2022 11:09

@bluebird3

I think it depends on how busy it is. If you go when it's an off time and there are leftover empty tables then I'd say it's ok, the cafe is probably just happy to have your business and they may think that you would not go if you have to buy a meal for your toddler. However if the tables are full and you are taking up a table for two that could have two full paying customers then I think YABU. I know single people take up 2 seaters as well but I think it will grate the cafe owners seeing you and you pack up when they have the possibility of a higher turnover.
But does this mean if you are going to eat on your own and you see a couple approaching you should offer them the table as the cafe would make more money from them?!? Maybe best to check whether they are just having a coffee or a full lunch though incase they would actually be spending less than you.

This is mumsnet at it's best and completely at odds with what actually happens at actual cafes. Grin

shivbo2014 · 08/02/2022 11:13

You're not that unreasonable but yes by about 12 months I'd definitely be buying food from the cafe. I doubt they're really annoyed about it if you're eating and drinking from there though.

cherryonthecakes · 08/02/2022 12:03

My dd works in a cafe and they are more than happy to serve off menu if that helps? So instead of a toasted cheese and tomato sandwich, they'd be happy to serve toast, tomato and cheese separately but on the same plate.

Personally I shared food with my toddler when I ate out. Cafes should be shit hot with allergy info (there was a change in law last year ) but I'd understand if that was why you brought food. I think for over 12 month olds then it's cf territory though

cherryonthecakes · 08/02/2022 12:05

Are the kids menus hot or cold? The cafe that my dd works at has sandwich plus fruit plus drink plus baked crisps/small biscuit so you can save any bits uneaten for later.

1Micem0use · 08/02/2022 14:03

They probably just think he has allergies and you're bringing him in special gluten free sarnies

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/02/2022 14:59

@Casheeeew

To PP:

I have taken it on board. I'm going to buy him something. But other people have agreed that snacks are okay. So I will be bringing stuff, such as cubes of cheese and a petit filous and a satsuma to pad out the toast. Snacks is kind of a grey area, no?

I don't want to be a CF. I love the cafes I go to. I also want my son fed well, or else I wouldn't go to a cafe after his toddler groups I'd just to home.

Could you give him something from the cafe to snack on while you are there, and give him his lunch at home, or as a snack in his buggy on the way home, @Casheeeew?

I was never the sort of mum who packed snacks - I think that came from my childhood, and having a mum who only provided snacks occasionally, so my dses either ate what we could buy in the cafe, or we didn’t eat there. I do remember on holiday, when ds3 was past the baby food stage, but not eating proper food, and we gave him baked potato with beans or cheese whenever we ate out - we ate out a lot that fortnight, and by the end, the poor boy couldn’t face baked potato!

Cravey · 08/02/2022 15:51

As a bar owner serving food, I wouldn't get heated up by this. Op is buying food / drink so I would let them get on with giving the child whatever they had bought with them. I would maybe think it's a tad cheeky, but certainly wouldn't hate you op.

cherryonthecakes · 08/02/2022 16:12

Nobody will hate you but if you leave a mess without clearing up then the staff might be annoyed clearing food that wasn't even bought from the business.

Holskey · 08/02/2022 16:21

@SpaghettiArmsMurderer

If you don’t like the food a cafe offers, surely the correct choice is to not go there, not to go there but pointedly bring your own food!

Agreed! Cafes are businesses that sell food, not a charity providing space for parents and toddlers to get out of the house. Provide feedback to the cafe on their menu by all means, but you can’t bring your own food.

Iu may be making up rules that are damaging for businesses. It's for cafes to decide if this is an issue. I imagine many do good business from parents and toddlers during working hours and would prefer to accept the toddlers eating their own food rather than the parents not coming at all. And if that's not true, they can say so for themselves.
Holskey · 08/02/2022 16:22

You may be*

squooz · 08/02/2022 18:00

Yep I agree with this too OP. I had to take food for my son till he was 3+ although that was cos he’s asd. But I always bought myself food and drink and something for him.

squooz · 08/02/2022 18:01

As in I agree with your last post Hmm

TheRemotePart · 08/02/2022 18:02

I do bring snacks /lunch for my 10 month old but I also do order him a little bit of toast or egg/beans too.

elbea · 08/02/2022 18:16

OP, if you aren’t sure about what babies/toddlers can eat download the Solid Starts Database app or have a look at their website. I had every food imaginable and how to serve/what is safe at different ages. solidstarts.com/foods/sausage/

AdultingInTheCountryside · 08/02/2022 18:20

I personally don’t see anything wrong with it as long as you buy something for the toddler like a babycino etc. The kids menu is usually basic and same everywhere you go too.

threatmatrix · 08/02/2022 18:29

It’s a business, it’s their go make money, think about it.

threatmatrix · 08/02/2022 18:31

It depends m, my date is very busy with people quite often waiting for a table. Two people eating could spend anything from £14-£40 so one paying adult taking up a table is losing me money.

KatyRebecca84 · 08/02/2022 18:40

I do this for my 3.5 year old as I don’t want to pay £4 for a cheese sandwich for him or £4 for a slice of cake for his lunch?! I buy myself lunch and coffee and take him a little sandwich and snack. Won’t stop doing it because there’s always a free table and I am a paying customer as I’d go with him or without so no different.

deadrave · 08/02/2022 18:43

Definitely too old. I think whilst they’re weaning a few snacks is fine, however by the age of around one I would make an effort to buy something for them in the cafe!!

BrambleRoses · 08/02/2022 18:45

@KatyRebecca84

I do this for my 3.5 year old as I don’t want to pay £4 for a cheese sandwich for him or £4 for a slice of cake for his lunch?! I buy myself lunch and coffee and take him a little sandwich and snack. Won’t stop doing it because there’s always a free table and I am a paying customer as I’d go with him or without so no different.
If you don’t want to pay money to go out to lunch, staying home might be a better option.

I can’t believe how many people have said this sort of thing, as if it’s OK to bring a packed lunch into a restaurant or cafe as long as you buy something!

Mirw · 08/02/2022 18:49

Think you are mean. Think you are abusing the cafe. Think you should be buying your child food in the cafe. If everyone took a child and did what you do, the profit by chair/table goes down and the cafe is out of profit. Stop it.

JackieLou · 08/02/2022 18:53

We never buy food for my DD and she is 2.5
In fact we ask for a separate side plate and she picks from our meals.
Very often I will give her something from her snack bag.
I agree with you OP, you’re a paying customer and ‘single’ people can take up a table.
I can’t imagine the staff mind at all. I’d be more annoyed by someone using the cafe as an office, using Wi-Fi, sat with their laptop and buying one coffee in 2 hours!
Do what suits you :)

blyn72 · 08/02/2022 18:53

I never did it myself, my kid always loved food from an early age so it was easy to buy him something from the menu.

However if the cafe workers where the op goes have no objections, there is no reason for us to object. Good luck to her.

Shona52 · 08/02/2022 18:54

My son has ASD so very limited on what food he will eat. We have to take a pack lunch for him because of this but we do buy food from the place for him too. One to try and encourage him to try new foods and 2 so the place is not missing out on sales. Everyone has always been more then happy to accommodate us (I think if you ask first and at least buy something from them for the child they wouldn't have an issue with it)