Toddler pack lunch in cafes

[Casheeeew]

I eat a about 3 cafes near me regularly, but only once per week, occasionally twice. I have always taken my son (18months) a full packed lunch, and I buy myself lunch and a coffee.

Its never occured to me to question this until today. Is he too old to be having home brought food?

They do have a kids menu but I prefer him to have a selection of things to pick at that I know he'll like.

Aibu - or if not, how long before he's too old?

I think it depends on how busy it is. If you go when it's an off time and there are leftover empty tables then I'd say it's ok, the cafe is probably just happy to have your business and they may think that you would not go if you have to buy a meal for your toddler. However if the tables are full and you are taking up a table for two that could have two full paying customers then I think YABU. I know single people take up 2 seaters as well but I think it will grate the cafe owners seeing you and you pack up when they have the possibility of a higher turnover.

Oh sorry I'm going to go against the grain and say what you are doing is fine for an 18month old.

I often find "child's" portions are huge!

If you are worried about being judged I'd still take the packed lunch and buy a bit of toast for your dc. I'm sure your dc could have a bite and so could you.

When my two were that age we didn't eat out much. But when we went to soft play I'd order 1 kids meals between them and ask for two plates, and even then there would be loads left!

My DS is 2 and I always take food out with us, he has 14 food allergies and there’s no way we could eat off the menu. I have never asked if it’s ok and been to loads of places and it hasn’t been commented on yet. Although we haven’t been out at peak times, as we eat lunch and dinner at home as it’s easier for us.

I know as he gets bigger I’ll have to explain and see what the cafe say and respect their decision. I hope most places will be ok with it!

I don't think YABU. If the cafes allow it, keep doing it.

@Viviennemary

I booked a carvery but dont eat any meat and their veg is overcooked. I took my own packed vegan lunch.

I can't tell if this comment was intentionally funny but it's really made me laugh

I'm baffled by this thread. I literally don't know anyone who would take an entire packed lunch out to a restaurant, I'm cringing thinking about it. Especially for an 18mth old, we're not talking about a baby.
I treat my children the same as myself and DH. If we're eating out then we all eat out. If we're taking packed lunch then we're going for a picnic.
DD (12mths) had chicken breast chunks today and a side order of peas. She's had her own meal ordered from around 9mths. DS has always done this too. There's always something they'd both eat.
Just basic manners and courtesy.

I don't actually think this is a big deal, as long as you're buying yourself food and drink.

I compromise by ordering something for my daughter (almost 2) but I do bring some packed bits to supplement it. I don't really want her just having a cheese scone or white bread sandwich for lunch, so I order one, give her half and bring a pot of fruit or cucumber and crackers to go with it. Then take the rest of the scone/sandwich home for lunch the next day (or eat it myself )

With my older daughter there were a few times I bought packed lunch to a pub because she ate tiny quantities and was fairly picky, and I didn't want to pay £8 for a pub kids meal for her to eat 3 chips and then declare herself finished. I wouldn't bother in a cafe though as its cheaper and more basic.

@CMOTDibbler

YABU. Until they needed a whole portion of their own, I just shared with ds - jacket potato, sandwich, whatever. Fair enough to take a breadstick to tide them over if getting hangry, but a full packed lunch esp if they sell anything in there is CF

How is that any different to you sharing? You're still only buying one meal between the two of you.

DS is 19 months now and I've only recently been to several places without bringing anything. Mistake every time!

Fancy restaurant- no kids menu, just unsuitable £25 mains (and no suitable starters e.g. goats cheese). Had to send dp to our hotel room to get some food for him!

Carvery- he only ate peas and carrots. Not enough food.

Restaurant chain- chicken, chips and peas. Completely uneaten.

Children's indoor play centre (only food purchased can be eaten rule) - jacket potato and beans. Hotter than the sun and twice anything I would eat. And what a fucking mess!

Most establishments do not cater to the age group, yet will gladly accommodate them for your custom. And no it's not like bringing an adult who doesn't buy anything. I can go to a cafe without an adult; I can't go without my very small child.

I had no idea anybody frowned upon this until reading this thread. So strange!

@Gwenhwyfar

"I think the point is it makes no difference to the cafe if one person is buying one meal to eat themselves, while a second person has their own stuff and one person buying one meal to share with the second person."

It does though. In the first example, one person is not consuming and even worse, consuming something from outside which is usually against the rules and in the second example both people are consuming and even if one person pays for the whole thing, you could consider that both have paid.

In any case, I was in a restaurant last Saturday (not in the UK) where I was forced to have a main meal. Just a starter wasn't allowed so I suppose sharing wouldn't have been either. I get it. I'm taking up a space and creating work for them so I need to pay my way.

But either way the cafe provides the same amount of food and gets the same amount of money for seating two people.

That's fine as long as you are buying something for yourself. I do this and my child is much older.

All the people saying it's cheeky obviously don't have a picky eater. If I tried to force my child to eat cafe food they would go hungry and have a meltdown and I really don't think that is a scenario cafe owners want.

I did that with DS2 but that's because he had such a severe dairy allergy he had to carry an epi pen. After an incident where I was assured that the sandwich I bought had dairy free spread turned out to definitely not be dairy free and he had a reaction I stuck to bringing his own food. But I always bought myself food and a drink and usually had his older brother to buy food for as well. I used to explain this to cafe staff to ward off any questions or objections and this was fine.

When DS1 was 18 months old then I definitely just bought him food from the cafe with some backup fruit and snacks in the bag in case he rejected it (common, he had a lot of food aversion issues!)

I honestly don't think it's such a big deal especially as he's so young. Once he's around 2 or 3 it would be a different story.

It's much better to take him a packed lunch of things you know he'd enjoy and occasionally order him a small treat from the cafe.

I'm sure the cafe doesn't mind especially since you're a regular. If you feel awkward about it you could always check with them.

I usually take a small container of snacks for my toddler. This is handy if food is taking a while or for some reason they don’t want what I order. But unless they have a very restricted diet, special dietary needs, allergies, etc. Then I would expect you to order them a child’s meal or they share food with you.

There’s clearly no right or wrong, depends on the business but I wouldn’t ever do it. Not when they’re old enough to eat from the things the cafe sells. And it’s (for me) not about the money the cafe takes, it’s preparing a packed lunch to go to a food place. I’d maybe let them eat something discreetly if they were starving waiting or something but I’m imagining packed lunch whipped out in full view on the table with the cafe clearing up the packaging from things they haven’t sold. I like specific wine but if they don’t have it somewhere, I don’t just take a bottle with me for with my meal, that wouldn’t be allowed, but I would be allowed to have tap water instead for free. Neither option makes them money but one is more acceptable. Like sharing a bottle of wine with a friend vs your friend buying a bottle and you bringing one from home. And if it’s yeah but they’re only little, when does that stop (not being rude, genuinely wondering and can’t convey tone in text!)

Yadbu. Yabu to write pack lunch instead of packED lunch.

If you're going regularly then I think your plan is fine. Child menus are usually unsuitable for under 5s as there's loads of bits they won't have plus not enough of what they need; you might get away with some of it at 3 or 4 but it won't do at 18 months. Getting a bigger meal for yourself to share with him will work much better. A bit of cheese, yoghurt and fruit to round out his meal is ok for another 6-12 months, by then he should be easily able to share anything with you.

At 18 months he can eat anything except whole bits and anything too hot from chillies, he'll love a bit of sausage.

*nuts!

I'm amazed so many people manage to eat a meal at the same time as an 18 month old to be honest. Neither of mine gave a shit about food or would have sat next to me while I ate a meal! Amazing that this is a possibility.

I've got several friends who do this. I'd assume if the cafe or restaurant has a problem with it, that's for them to voice. I'd imagine they take view that they're getting paying customers (mum + friends) and if they object probably won't. Also I think they loose money on kids food just do it for same reason soidoubt they're fussed. I don't think you're anything wrong with this. If you want reassure ask them. I hate food waste, so I'd be totally with you.

Coming back to this thread against my better judgement. If cafes object to people bringing in food for their toddlers / children they ought to up their game and actually produce healthy suitable options for children to eat ie not salt or sugar laden, overpriced offerings. Don't tell me the sandwich is dairy free when the spread isn't etc.

@2022HereWeCome

Coming back to this thread against my better judgement. If cafes object to people bringing in food for their toddlers / children they ought to up their game and actually produce healthy suitable options for children to eat ie not salt or sugar laden, overpriced offerings. Don't tell me the sandwich is dairy free when the spread isn't etc.

I agree, that’s why I think the children’s menus are aimed mainly for 5 and above and possibly why cafes don’t seem to mind toddlers eating their own food. I wish they had more picky options for kids like hummus, cucumber sticks, sliced boiled egg etc (basically sandwich fillings without the bread!) I know you could ask for this but I would feel rude and awkward asking for something that’s not on the menu - especially if it’s busy!!

@2022HereWeCome

Coming back to this thread against my better judgement. If cafes object to people bringing in food for their toddlers / children they ought to up their game and actually produce healthy suitable options for children to eat ie not salt or sugar laden, overpriced offerings. Don't tell me the sandwich is dairy free when the spread isn't etc.

If you don’t like the food a cafe offers, surely the correct choice is to not go there, not to go there but pointedly bring your own food!

I agree - that's not on.
At all.
He's more than big enough to eat something off the menu.