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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When you're sure your partner has a crush on their female friend/colleague

101 replies

Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 06:41

What do you do?
Even if they don't want to cheat or do anything about it.
Would you just live with it?

I saw he drunk texted her at 2am.

Asking if she was free the next day (a day when we had plans which is weird)
He had also worked with her that evening.

She said no she wasn't and he replied 'Oh sorry I was just drunk when I messaged your

I tried to ask him, 'so have you heard from Emily this weekend?' he said, no not really, just had to text her once about work and that's it.

So he's lied.

It's wrong to read texts I know..i shouldn't have, but why text her that at 2am, i wouldn't drunk text male friends and colleagues.

Been together 2 years

OP posts:
Aussiegirl123456 · 07/02/2022 06:45

I couldn’t live with it, but we’re all different in terms of what we will and will not tolerate in relationships.
I’m sorry for you, I can’t imagine the feeling is nice at all - hand hold x

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 06:47

I find other guys attractive as in I think 'he's a good looking guys and that's it really. Actively like someone else, no, I'm with him and in love with him so why would I?
Don't know what to think

OP posts:
Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 06:49

The thing is we literally just signed for a 12 month tenancy agreement on Saturday (the morning he was drunk texting her)

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 07/02/2022 06:50

He sounds like a dick, if he's trying to meet up with her outside of work then he's actively trying to start something imo. Surely you're worth more than that?

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 06:51

He also asked her what she was doing NYE..she had COVID apparently so didn't do anything.

He's tried to meet up with her in the past and he was open about it to me, willing to invite me but she seemed to turn it down

OP posts:
Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 06:51

Honestly if we weren't just gonna have to live together for another 12 bloody months I'd feel like walking right now

OP posts:
RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 07/02/2022 06:51

Even if they don't want to cheat or do anything about it.

Why are you so sure about this ^^ ?

It does very much sounds as if he wants to do something about it.

I’m hoping you’re not about to say you have kids / are pregnant…

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 06:52

No kids/pregnancy thank God.
I feel like shit.
She's very pretty and his age.

OP posts:
PearPickingPorky · 07/02/2022 06:52

@Pythia333

I find other guys attractive as in I think 'he's a good looking guys and that's it really. Actively like someone else, no, I'm with him and in love with him so why would I? Don't know what to think
He's not as committed to you as you are to him.

This is your first time being made aware of that. Don't ignore it. More examples will follow, and they'll be worse because you'll be further invested with him so it will hurt more, and you'll be kicking yourself as to why you didn't leave when you had the chance sooner.

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 06:52

We've just got a lovely flat together and I was really happy about it.
They won't let us end the contact will they ..

OP posts:
Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 06:53

Oh this isn't the first example sadly..

I've posted on here before (about different friends and exes of his) and been confirmed what I was thinking..

OP posts:
Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 06:54

He has a male close friend who I think is very attractive but that's the extent of it, I'd never dream of messaging or doing anything other than keeping it to myself

OP posts:
LittleBirdBlu · 07/02/2022 06:55

@Pythia333

Oh this isn't the first example sadly..

I've posted on here before (about different friends and exes of his) and been confirmed what I was thinking..

So why have you signed a tenancy agreement with him??

It looks like you are a placeholder until someone better comes along.

JohannSebastianBach · 07/02/2022 06:56

Could you rent a room out?

BusterGonad · 07/02/2022 06:57

@Pythia333

Oh this isn't the first example sadly..

I've posted on here before (about different friends and exes of his) and been confirmed what I was thinking..

You really should have listened to the warning signs. You cannot make him be loyal to you. You cannot change him. Phone up the estate agent for advice. Get out if you can. He'll only give you heart break and mess with your head.
CristinaYangismySpiritAnimal · 07/02/2022 06:59

Leave.

Watchingpeppa12 · 07/02/2022 07:01

Just finding someone else attractive and actually texting them are 2 completely different things, it’s not really ok is it

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 07/02/2022 07:01

Of course you should have stood up for yourself before now, but you didn't so it can't be changed. You can get your dignity back by breaking up now and moving on quietly. Offer to leave him the tenancy or cancel it, then call the letting agent make the required changes.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 07/02/2022 07:01

@Pythia333

Oh this isn't the first example sadly..

I've posted on here before (about different friends and exes of his) and been confirmed what I was thinking..

So then, this comment doesn’t make sense:

”Even if they don't want to cheat or do anything about it.”

NoHeavenNoMore · 07/02/2022 07:04

Leave now. Get out of the agreement however you can and run. This will only get worse. He's just wasting your time and your life 🚩

WTF475878237NC · 07/02/2022 07:05

I'm afraid he is doing something about it. He's trying to meet up with her. I would call the agency and try and get out of the contract, offer to forfeit half the deposit and be honest on the phone that you need to break up with this man!

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 07:07

Neither of us can afford the tenancy on our own sadly.. I really don't know what to do.
He's never actually cheated I believe, or sexted or anything.
The first example was him talking tons about an ex and I called him out on it, he stopped.

The 2nd example was when we first got together, he came to see me for around 5 days and wanted to meet up with a female friend of his who had a bf (with me included) for like 4 of those. It upset me really and I pulled him up, he rearranged plans then

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 07/02/2022 07:08

Ring the agents ask to withdraw from the tenancy.
Unless you don’t want to and are looking for a way to make him stop behaving like a creepy lech.
In which case you really can’t stop him.

The poor work colleague sounds like she’s trying very hard to fend off his unwanted attention.

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 07:09

Initially I was annoyed because she always calls him this cutesy name by text (not a common name which everyone calls him) but it doesn't seem like she ever tried to meet up of her own Accord

OP posts:
bananaleafy · 07/02/2022 07:11

Doesn't sound like Emily is taking any of his
Shit, which is good news

Confront him now