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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When you're sure your partner has a crush on their female friend/colleague

101 replies

Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 06:41

What do you do?
Even if they don't want to cheat or do anything about it.
Would you just live with it?

I saw he drunk texted her at 2am.

Asking if she was free the next day (a day when we had plans which is weird)
He had also worked with her that evening.

She said no she wasn't and he replied 'Oh sorry I was just drunk when I messaged your

I tried to ask him, 'so have you heard from Emily this weekend?' he said, no not really, just had to text her once about work and that's it.

So he's lied.

It's wrong to read texts I know..i shouldn't have, but why text her that at 2am, i wouldn't drunk text male friends and colleagues.

Been together 2 years

OP posts:
RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 07/02/2022 07:13

No, she doesn’t sound the least bit interested in him, unsurprisingly…

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 07:13

Once he kept saying I'd shrunk and then told me how tall 'Jessica' at work is (around 5'8)
Then apparently someone called her 'dude' and he said 'But she's very much the last person you could say that about'!
I asked him what he meant and that I had found those comments strange and off.

He told me to fuck off and said 'I don't want any jealousy.'

OP posts:
Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 07:13

Jessica is another colleague

OP posts:
JustUseTheDoorSanta · 07/02/2022 07:14

He's never actually cheated I believe
He is actively trying to cheat on you. Not being successful at cheating because the other woman won't meet really isn't the adorable option!

You haven't moved in, so the letting agent will help you break the contract at minimal cost rather than be in a situation where tenants can't pay and the room is being sublet to whoever you can drag in off the street.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 07/02/2022 07:15

Ok, it’s all starting to sound a bit ridiculous now…

BusterGonad · 07/02/2022 07:25

It all sounds quite immature tbh.

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 07:25

From him or from me?

OP posts:
0nTheEdge · 07/02/2022 07:26

Can you check if there's a cooling off period in your tenancy contract? Or talk to the landlord asking if you can leave? I wouldn't want to stay there for a whole year with him. Telling you to fuck off after obviously trying to make you jealous is nasty and abusive. Have things been getting slowly worse?

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 07:29

Yeah he framed it in a way of 'Dan said he wasn't interested in Jessica as she's so tall' but right after saying i had 'shrunk'. I haven't, and I'm only an inch shorter than her .. not that it matters

I think i need to confront him too

I am gutted, he's been great otherwise and really looked forward to moving into this place

OP posts:
Seafog · 07/02/2022 07:29

You both sound like you have your own issues to sort out. It also seems like it would be good to get out of the lease in any way that you can.

BusterGonad · 07/02/2022 07:31

@Pythia333

From him or from me?
Both to be honest, you had the warning signs but went ahead with the expensive rental, he obviously thinks he's some kind of irresistible charmer that can have any woman he wants. You won't change him and he won't change.
Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 07:31

What issues do you think I have to sort can I ask?

OP posts:
Arabellla · 07/02/2022 07:36

It was only Saturday you singed, the ink is barely dry. Call the agency at 9am and explain what’s happened,

Arabellla · 07/02/2022 07:37

*signed

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 07:38

Maybe I am overreacting as the text itself didn't say anything inappropriate?
But it just doesn't sit right for some reason texting at 2am

OP posts:
LiG123 · 07/02/2022 07:39

I'd call him out on it?you've looked which means you don't trust him/her anyway so maybe you can both work on it

FlapsInTheWind · 07/02/2022 07:41

Being as you have only just signed there would have been others interested that still might not have a place. Call the LL or the agent today and ask if they can easily get someone else with a just a few phonecalls. You might be surprised how easy this is to get out of.

You are not his number one priority. You don't need to know anything else but that really.

FlapsInTheWind · 07/02/2022 07:44

@Pythia333

Maybe I am overreacting as the text itself didn't say anything inappropriate? But it just doesn't sit right for some reason texting at 2am
The text won't have anything inappropriate if they are planning on meeting. It's just a quick arrangement thing rather than the main event.

You can't nice your way out of this on his behalf. He's at it and you know it.

I bet when you are gone he won't get with her though on a permanent basis. They are both behaving like dicks.

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 07:49

I do understand what you are saying, but at the same time surely a person looks/doesn't trust because the other person has given them reason to feel that way ? Not because they just have their own issues?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 07:51

It's also the fact that he lied about it 'Just something about work' ermm no it wasn't

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 07/02/2022 07:51

How can you ignore all these red flags OP? I think your issues as it were, relate to not being to identify a good from a bad egg and then repeatedly choosing this shit relationship.

LiG123 · 07/02/2022 07:52

Exactly so there is no trust. Whether he has made you not trust or done actions to not trust. Why have you just signed up to this shit? Even if you not stick around a year you've wasted a year of your life

Original poster
Pythia333 · 07/02/2022 07:54

He told me that his ex was very jealous and paranoid (red flag I know)
But said things such as she didn't 'allow,' him to meet up with friends and that he had to send photos to 'prove' where he was.

I'm nothing like that, I don't agree with that behavior but there have been one or two times when he compared me to her and said 'dont be like her' which made me feel awful really.

It's sad as we get on so well and otherwise have a great relationship.

He said he always talks to people at work about me and he always invites me to work functions etc so it's just odd

OP posts:
Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 07/02/2022 07:56

@Pythia333

He told me that his ex was very jealous and paranoid (red flag I know) But said things such as she didn't 'allow,' him to meet up with friends and that he had to send photos to 'prove' where he was.

I'm nothing like that, I don't agree with that behavior but there have been one or two times when he compared me to her and said 'dont be like her' which made me feel awful really.

It's sad as we get on so well and otherwise have a great relationship.

He said he always talks to people at work about me and he always invites me to work functions etc so it's just odd

Think this is what we call gaslighting? I would not tolerate this shit .....what happened if Emily had said she would meet up? He wouldn't have given you a 2nd thought . Sounds like an absolute prick l am afraid. Get yourself some self respect and don't move in with him op.
CandidClarisse · 07/02/2022 08:00

I think the fact you needed to check how phone tells you you don't trust him.

Also "Emily" is young and very pretty, well it was never going to be 60 year old Audrey the cleaner was it! He's obviously into her but he's trying to put you off the scent by inviting you etc. drunk texting her at 2pm shows you she's on his mind. To be honest she doesn't sound interested but that's not the point, see if there's a cooling off period on the contract you just signed and go from there.

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