Tell me you're a parent without telling me you're a parent

[TerribleTuna]

I'll go...

I've watched the same animated film every day for 2 weeks 🙃

I don't suffer from insomnia but haven't had a decent night's sleep since just after the turn of the century.

Pockets are full of pine cones, stones and leaves

I hate people who arrange 3.30pm teams meetings

I’m running a bath that has bubbles at one end only.

I spent the last hour of my Sunday evening learning how to fit a buggy board to the pram.

I went for a facial this morning. The wrinkles came back after half an hour back in the house

What's that Grandma?
It's a wall.
A wall? What's that?
It's made of bricks, plaster and painted blue.
Oh.
What that Grandma?
It's another wall.
Another wall? What's that?
It's made of bricks, plaster and painted blue.
What's that Grandma - is it a wall?
Yes!
But it's not blue......

I got told my nose had been eaten this morning and was asked to fish it out of the mouth of another person and stick it back on to my face before I could smell again

Today we had an emergency plumber come in to fix our bathroom leak. Made small talk and asked if he had far to travel. He lives about an hours drive away so as he left, I told him to make sure he goes for a wee first. I was honestly mortified the second it came out of my mouth, I’m just so used to saying it to the dc every single time we leave the house 😩

I went swimming for an hour and half this morning and I admired the bubbles; went on the slide 5 times; walked around the whole pool several times and didn't swim a stroke.

@RickRude

Today we had an emergency plumber come in to fix our bathroom leak. Made small talk and asked if he had far to travel. He lives about an hours drive away so as he left, I told him to make sure he goes for a wee first. I was honestly mortified the second it came out of my mouth, I’m just so used to saying it to the dc every single time we leave the house 😩

😂 I once told the guy in front of me in the coffee queue to say thank you

We have rocks lying all over the house. Nobody bothers to put them back outside very often - we've just accepted that we have indoor rocks.

when crossing the road with my work colleagues, I point and say "look, a fire truck"

I can recite all the words to Gruffalo and Goodnight Moon by heart

I found my running shoes in the freezer

I know the words to Blippi Excavator

I point out car transporters and tractors to everyone in the car. Even if it's only me and my 84 year old mother.

We don't talk about Bruno. Nuff said.

I'd like to be friends with Bluey's dad.

I've washed my favourite pair of jeans three times this week.

There was sick on my knickers this morning.

I sway all the time.

@Filthyslattern

I lay awake at night worrying whether a 22 year old ma i don't live with is safe and happy and getting enough sleep.

Aww 😊

I sway all the time.

So do I 😂

@Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese

I know the words to Blippi Excavator

You're a dirt seperator...

I just finished a 12 hour shift; absolutely shattered but I’m sitting outside in my car because I don’t want to go into my house!

I spend more on fuel every week than my local Uber driver does and all of my plates are under a bed, cuddling up to crusty Nike sports socks and growing mouldy food on them.

Every towel I possess is wet and on a floor.

Cows!
Mooooooooooo

I am surprisingly knowledgeable about different types of dinosaurs.

@Immunetypegoblin

There are two dessicated conkers in my handbag that I daren't throw away.

This cracked me up. It’s the fact that we daren’t that is so funny. Cross kids are terrifying 🤣