To ask what you’re doing awake post-midnight? Part 2: Insomnia Strikes Back

[5YearsLeft]

Bit awkward to start this in the middle of the day, but I wanted to be able to link it on the old thread before it completely fills. Meanwhile, even though right now it’s not post-midnight, if you’re having a day-after hangover from insomnia, feel free to post. Whether it’s from poorly children or babies or pets or OHs, whether it’s grief or fear or anxiety or other losses, whether it’s work stress or home stress or just LIFE stress, we get it. You’re not yelling into the void; you’re sharing with people who have been stuck wide awake, too.

I’ve had 2hrs 15imins sleep 😢
Have sobbed all over DH who
Is a saint for what I’m putting him through
Am now having a massive anxiety attack, feet are killing me.
Don’t think I can do this for much longer..,,

@MrsGlum Oh gosh, you poor, poor thing. I know it’s a nightmare. I wish I had better ideas, but really you can: keep going (you’re still doing it, even though it hurts and you’re scared) OR go to the GP and tell him you can’t live like this and you want to throw a pharmacy at it (a few weeks of painkillers for your feet, an anti-anxiety rescue med like lorazepam for your anxiety attacks so you don’t end up in A&E). I can’t really think of anything else.

@5YearsLeft oh how I wish I’d never even heard of this AD medication let alone used it.
It’s taken way more from me than I benefited from it.
I’ve got plenty of painkillers and some diazepam which i hate taking because I don’t want to get addicted to that. This is such a horrible situation to be in, especially as my feet are so painful which stops me doing much.
Not sure what GP can really do, especially as they got me into this position in the first place.
This is unbearable! Made worse by knowing it was totally preventable..,
I’m so sad

@bloodywhitecat been thinking of you both x

@5YearsLeft I hope you feel better today and that the packing final,y gets done. If I didn't have such a packed weekend I'd pop over to help 

@MrsGlum please Amy I make 2 suggestions for you to try?
Firstly, gong bath. Went to one on Friday (the second I've been to). They may sound a bit mad / woo but they really are extraordinary and immersive. Look up to see if there is one you can get to.

Secondly, you can't he'll how you are feeling but you can force yourself to start a new habit to try and fight it off and change the negative narrative that you are reinforcing at the moment. So, every time you find yourself going back into that negative loop of 'if only I hadn't taken the ADs' you stop, and say something else positive instead like 'I'm feeling^ shit again but my DH is bloody wonderful and the sun is shining' . It all about trying to stop the negative spiral, which can become a bad^ habit. Like smoking,you know it's bad for you but spark up anyway, this is no different to that. The positives may seem a bit trite and flimsy in the face of how you are feeling but they are there to act as a barrier of entry to the negative and to retrain you out of negative habits. In the midst of depression (I've been there so get it) this can feel like a Herculean task, but you have support and can do it. Start by writing down a list of all the positives you can think of (get DH and friends to help). Carry it with you. Pick a positive from the list every time you start to repeat your negative narrative. You can also ask your support army to challenge get you every time you state the negative narrative -nit telling you off, but reminding you to stop saying it and to say or do something positive instead. You will recover from this, as your crying demonstrates. You are getting better. Life will be fun again, It will

@MrsGlum Er, I have to admit that I recommended going to the GP because I thought you had these symptoms and absolutely nothing you could do about them. But you have ways to treat them. I know it’s maybe really difficult for me to understand since I don’t have a choice about taking a minimum of 20 pills that represent 9 different medications a day. And that’s not including any anxiety or pain. If I have a panic attack, I then have to take another medication for it or I won’t be able to breathe and I’ll end up in A&E. I have pain, I take medication for it or again, I’ll stress my body too much and probably end up in A&E. I hate to say this because they’re a huge source of worry for you, but you’re going to have to decide (and I would recommend deciding very soon so you either don’t keep suffering OR you close the door on it and decide you’re just going to keep going as you are), whether your worries about medication are worse than your symptoms. Either you can’t do this, and you’ll have to take some medication to help you. Or your fear the medication more than that, so you don’t take it, meaning you’ve decided, you can do this. Most people who have pain and panic attacks say they can’t survive them because they have no alternative, no one will give them medications that will ease the symptoms, and it’s really hard to watch. I have to be honest, that I’ve never seen someone actively suffering from pain and anxiety, who was reaching the point they felt they couldn’t face it, but who HAD medications to alleviate the symptoms, and didn’t try to take them. Your experience with mirtazapine is very, very understandably affecting your ability to take anything. Diazepam isn’t a medication you take on a regular schedule, like mirtazapine, and you can agree with your DH or maybe your counsellor a maximum amount of times you can take it (maybe you agree to never take it more than once a day, or five times a week, etc) which helps keep you safer from becoming addicted. As for painkillers, I’m not sure if you just meant they’re not helping? If they’re not, you can tell someone that. But you do have to make a decision about how you want to face this. I’m so sorry, because I really do wish I had better advice or a different way.

He's gone, we are still waiting for the GP to come and verify but he is now at peace and his death was peaceful and quick too. Thank you for all the kind thoughts.

@bloodywhitecat don't seem adequate. Sending a huge virtual hug to you.

No words really 😢 We are here when you need and are ready to talk/rant/cry/remember your lovely DH 💔

@bloodywhitecat I’m so sorry. I can only hope when my end comes, I have someone who is as compassionate as you’ve been to sit with me. You’re amazing. I’m so sorry you’ve lost him, and if your devotion is a reflection, then I’m sure he was an absolutely amazing man. All my fingers crossed that you’ll make it through today. And we’ll be here tonight if it’s difficult. Don’t be surprised when you feel all the feelings - of course horrific sadness, but also relief he’s not suffering and that it’s over, then guilt that you feel relief, anger that he had to go through it at all, overwhelming anger that you lost him, bookended by more sadness. Very unmumsnetty hug. Very, very best of luck today and maybe see you tonight.

@5YearsLeft in light of bloodywhitecat‘s news I won’t make this a long reply but just wanted to say I didn’t mean to come across as petulant in my last reply. I’m sorry if it seemed that way. Thank you for your support as ever and I’m going to have to have a very hard think with DH about where I go from here.

@catwomando, again, will make this a quick reply in light of the sad news about
bloodywhitecat’s DH. Thank you for your wise advice and suggestions. I really appreciate it.

@bloodywhitecat I’m so sorry for your loss.
Wishing you comfort and strength for today and the days ahead
xxx

@bloodywhitecat so sorry for your loss. Sending love and wishing you the comfort you need. I hope you sleep well tonight, but if not, we'll be here for you x

Oh my gosh @bloodywhitecat I'm so so sorry
I'm thinking of you
And your fosterlings xxxx

Ugggh anxiety. I should be sleeping because I need to be up soon and the baby will wake up any moment and then keep waking up. I'm so sleep deprived it's hard to think or smile or feel joy.

I asked dh to plan somwthing but I miscalculated how much I could cope with and now I feel totally overwhelmed. It's just the worst time ever. There's too much going on. I didn't want to be the bad guy but this is just stupid for everyone involved now. We could have done everything leisurely just a month later. Now the kids and extended family will also have more stress and miss out. I'm an idiot. :-(

Welcome to the after-midnight thread. Late start. I won’t be up because I’ve been packing until now, I have to be up at 7am, I seriously overdid it, the pain is real, now I can’t breathe. If this turns into a hospital visit, I just… I just can’t right now.

And the whole thread joins me I think in saying how sorry we are @bloodywhitecat. We’re here whenever you can’t sleep, and need to let it out.

Also @Chichimcgee you’re not forgotten. I hope you’re still okay and home soon.

@bloodywhitecat I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you!!

@5YearsLeft

Welcome to the after-midnight thread. Late start. I won’t be up because I’ve been packing until now, I have to be up at 7am, I seriously overdid it, the pain is real, now I can’t breathe. If this turns into a hospital visit, I just… I just can’t right now.

And the whole thread joins me I think in saying how sorry we are @bloodywhitecat. We’re here whenever you can’t sleep, and need to let it out.

Also @Chichimcgee you’re not forgotten. I hope you’re still okay and home soon.

5, that sounds horrible. I hope the Pain will get better soon and you won't have to go to the hospital. Hope you can get some sleep too.

Ok, I’m off for the day. Good luck, thread. Not feeling well, but… what can you do. I have my bags to take with me out of the house packed and that’s it. I’m fucking off until the move is done hopefully. Also, hopefully it won’t ruin my friendship permanently if I spend half the day in her WC because I feel horrific, my breathing is grade C, and my stomach is in shreds.

@5YearsLeft how horrible, but by tonight you will be in your new home, will not need to go anywhere (hopefully!) and can settle with tea and drugs (not quite as rock N roll, as whiskey, fags and drugs but hey we must do what is needed )

Good friends will always give up their loo and give you the best, softest loo roll to aid your comfort, so don't worry about that. 

@Chichimcgee and @bloodywhitecat thinking of you both today x

Ah I hope the move goes ok for you and your pain gets better @5YearsLeft

So new twins today. They are still very soggy in the photo. So that's great news.

The last of the triplets died on Friday night - e-coli I think from the mucky birth.

Thé crevette is making a come back. She small but tough. She weighs 1.4 kg. Some of big lambs can weigh up to 7kgs at birth so that should give you an idea of her smallness.

Welcome to the after midnight thread. All are welcome; only requirement is being awake.

@Wallywobbles Gorgeous twins! And so sorry to hear about the triplets. You really did everything you could but sometimes Mother Nature is, well, a motherf…

I’m not dead from the move but I overdid it so severely. My one disease is dovetailing into the other. I’m so weak, and I’m SO swollen. It’s a nightmare. Physio comes tomorrow so they’re just going to have to try to painfully rub out the worst of the swelling while I’m in bed. DH admits I’m worse - my lows are lower and my highs are lower. My dying is… really actively happening. I think I fucking hate.

@5YearsLeft oh I’m so sorry to hear how unwell you are feeling.
I hope it’s just a reaction to overdoing the packing and moving, and things will calm down a bit once you have settled in snd rested for a while.
You sound really scared…and I’m scared for you.
Well I’m awake again. Had a bit more sleep last night because I took a tablet but tonight I didn’t, fell asleep naturally at 11:30 but have woken up sweaty and trembling. I feel horrible.

I'm in the wide awake club. DS and friends travelled into London to a concert at the O2, managed to get the last train home but that wasn't any good for half of the friends as it didn't serve their station, so DS did a 30 mile round trip to drop them home. I'd far rather they'd just bunked down in our lounge for the night, but I try and stay out of it.
In the meantime, I'm restless and unable to properly get to sleep. He and one friend are now home and tucked up, and here I am wide awake on MN

Hello everyone,

@5YearsLeft your poor thing, that sounds bloody shitty and scary and unpleasant. You are now settled though and don't have to go anywhere so you have the best chance to let your body calm down and heal itself as much as it can. I'm sending you calm, cool, healing vibes to reverberate gently around your body to help it heal. In the envelope that's floating it's way over to you - Imagine a sea of rainbows gently washing over you and taking the swelling away, making you clean, comfortable and truly relaxed and soothed.

@@MrsGlum maybe you could,have dip into the sea of soft, healing rainbows too - there's plenty of room for all 😊 I'm dipping my toe in too. On the beach at the sea of rainbows its one of those perfect weather days - temperature just right, sunny but not glaring, air fresh and energising and perfect for dozing sweetly in a very comfortable chair. Aaaaaahhhhhhh.

I used to do these visualisation things with my kids when they were little and scared after bad dreams or horrible days at school. Telling them gentle takes of their cats exploring at night, finding little encampments of happy mice, and making friends -all of them dancing and singing the night away, hand in hand together under the glow of the moon, never ceased to ease them to happy sleep. I know we are not babies and have bigger woes, like actual dying, to deal with, but maybe the principle could help us all? Apologies if this all sounds a bit bonkers though 😬

I'm lying here with the soft pitterpatter of a million raindrops above me, hitting the roof window above the bed, DH is breathing softly and we are bath knackered after an evening of dancing the Viennese waltz. Spinning around the floor like crazy, feeling so free and together, as one. We probably didn't look quite as polished and elegant as we felt, but it was smashing anyway . My body is thoroughly complaining now and doesn't seem to want to sleep.

@Chichimcgee I saw from your other post that you are nome with Iris. I do hope things have settled for you both. Xxx

@bloodywhiteca sending you more unmumsnetty hugs in case you pop in x

@Wallywobbles the tiny sheep is so cute. I luffs her ❤️

Well I'm going to try and relax a bit and maybe drift off. Sending you positive thoughts and healing sleep vibes over the magic of the internet. Tomorrow is another day.

@bloodywhitecat I’m so sorry x

@5YearsLeft hope you get some sleep in your new place!

@Wallywobbles sad news about the triplets, hope the latest arrivals bring you cheer. I love seeing the photos.

@Chichimcgee thinking of you and hoping things are on the mend

@MrsGlum some great advice on here about thinking differently, changing the narrative and celebrating yourself. I hope your able to take some of the suggestions on board. Maybe changing your user name would help, too. I say this kindly and with love.

Yes, you’ve guessed, I’m doing the sciatica pain dance again. It’s relentless, the wretched thing. But I Wordled in three!