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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tip or not to tip….

116 replies

MumWithYOPD · 05/02/2022 07:36

Went out with colleagues to a restaurant last night and as some people ate off the set menu, some didn’t, some drank alcohol, some didn’t the bill was passed around for everyone to work out their own bill. That went surprisingly well. With the exception of one person everyone rounded up their meal to include a tip for the waitress (it was a really busy restaurant, she worked hard, was attentive and helpful, we didn’t have to wait long, she was great) The one person in question didn’t even guesstimate their bill they gave the precise amount. AIBU to think that if you receive good service in a restaurant the waitress/waiter should be shown this by way of a tip?
And to preempt the question, the person concerned is financially secure.

OP posts:
EishetChayil · 05/02/2022 07:37

What did they say when you asked why they didn't add a tip?

FuckYouPenny · 05/02/2022 07:40

How do you know for definite they are financially secure?
I always tip but I wouldn't make assumptions about people

feb21 · 05/02/2022 07:42

I'd tip but it's up to my friends whether they do the same.

Original poster
MumWithYOPD · 05/02/2022 07:45

@FuckYouPenny

How do you know for definite they are financially secure? I always tip but I wouldn't make assumptions about people
@FuckYouPenny no assumptions here, we’ve spoken on numerous occasions so unless they lied I’ve got it from the horse’s mouth.
OP posts:
Cheesechips · 05/02/2022 07:47

I tip even if my friends don't. My ex once said people who don't tip are rubbish in bed! Grinonly jokingly but it just shows selfishness, not to throw in a quid or so after good service.

Cheesechips · 05/02/2022 07:48

Also surely if you're going out for food you aren't that skint where you can't add another £1?

ThinWomansBrain · 05/02/2022 07:48

I'm the same as Feb21 - & if it's a big group, no one really notices - well, the waitress wouldn't.
Used to have a friend that always moaned a lot in restaurants and rarely tipped - that was embarassing.

Original poster
MumWithYOPD · 05/02/2022 07:51

@EishetChayil

What did they say when you asked why they didn't add a tip?
@EishetChayil I wasn’t going to ask them in front of the team we work with, that would be harsh and potentially embarrassing for them. Instead I’ve come on here to gripe about it.
OP posts:
FuckYouPenny · 05/02/2022 07:53

Well then, perhaps they just didn't want to 🙄@MumWithYOPD
Their money, their choice

drpet49 · 05/02/2022 07:54

* AIBU to think that if you receive good service in a restaurant the waitress/waiter should be shown this by way of a tip?*

^Lots of people don’t tip.

allthingsnaice · 05/02/2022 07:54

If it was a large group, was a service charge not already included? In lots of places groups over 6 automatically have one added.

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 05/02/2022 07:56

Some people are simply tight for some reason. She is one of them.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 05/02/2022 07:57

I tip, but I feel uncomfortable about it. I work in Adult Social Care and am very aware that Care Workers do an incredibly demanding job, with huge responsibility, and yet most get less than the NLW and don't get tips. So tipping a waiter feels wrong, but I still do it. Probably because I don't want to be judged by my dining Companions.

I do appreciate its not a race to the bottom, but I do think tipping should be outlawed and instead, decent wages paid. Which will be factored into the meal prices.

Original poster
MumWithYOPD · 05/02/2022 08:03

@allthingsnaice

If it was a large group, was a service charge not already included? In lots of places groups over 6 automatically have one added.
@allthingsnaice no it wasn’t already added. I always check for that.
OP posts:
drpet49 · 05/02/2022 08:06

** FormerlySpeckledyHen

Some people are simply tight for some reason. She is one of them.**

^Tipping is outdated in this country

Kbyodjs · 05/02/2022 08:08

I find tipping to be odd if I’m honest but maybe that’s a hang up from various minimum wage jobs where tipping wasn’t a thing. I still tip in restaurants but if someone doesn’t want to then that’s their business and not yours in my opinion

shouldistop · 05/02/2022 08:09

I always tip but it's not a requirement and maybe they don't believe in tipping.

Original poster
MumWithYOPD · 05/02/2022 08:11

@EmmaGrundyForPM

I tip, but I feel uncomfortable about it. I work in Adult Social Care and am very aware that Care Workers do an incredibly demanding job, with huge responsibility, and yet most get less than the NLW and don't get tips. So tipping a waiter feels wrong, but I still do it. Probably because I don't want to be judged by my dining Companions.

I do appreciate its not a race to the bottom, but I do think tipping should be outlawed and instead, decent wages paid. Which will be factored into the meal prices.

@EmmaGrundyForPM you make some very valid points here. Also I’m feeling slightly guilty about judging my colleague. Thank you for making me think. Who am I to judge them for being ‘careful’ with their money or even if they’re just tight? I think I need to get over it or if there’s a work function just not go in future, stick to socialising with friends.
OP posts:
CrackerGal · 05/02/2022 08:15

Always tip unless it's very bad service.
Your friend who didn't tip sounds miserly to me.

LethargicActress · 05/02/2022 08:17

I would have tipped in this situation, but only to avoid judgement from other people and because it's what's expected.

YABU to think that just because service is the expected standard of good then people should be obliged to tip. I think tips in restaurants, for taxi drivers, hairdressers etc should be for those times that you receive service above and beyond the basic that you're already paying for.

PerseverancePays · 05/02/2022 08:20

if you can't afford the tip, don't eat out.

rookiemere · 05/02/2022 08:21

BIL doesn't tip. It's hugely embarrassing going out with them as there's a number of them and only three of us so even with us tipping 10% it's a lot less than it should be. At least I've figured out they used to absorb the tip into what they owed, so I've stopped that happening.
Anyway due to a number of bill related incidents I've decided that going forward we'll just get a takeaway and eat in when away with them.

EggbertHeartsTina · 05/02/2022 08:26

Better that they did that rather than pay last and simply ask to pay the remaining balance (thereby negating everyone else’s tip). I’ve known people to do that

jo55ie · 05/02/2022 08:28

Was the service charge already added? Lots of places do this now. Especially if there's a group of 6+ people.
I always tip unless I've had really appealing and shite service. I've been waiting staff previously and always had good tips although had some customers that just didn't tip. I also have that one friend that pays the exact amount in cash.
I think it's one of those things in life.

Pembertonrd · 05/02/2022 08:35

Tipping is such a variable thing in the UK.
Both my dc worked in cafes as teens so we always tip.
In France it’s not expected really but we still tip and it definitely gets noticed.

On holiday in the US I realised our American friend was tipping at points where it never occurred to us. It was done so discreetly it was hard to notice. Eg a carriage ride already paid for and very expensive.
At the end of the holiday when I was giving our share of accommodation etc I added extra and when asked why I said I realised that friend was tipping and wanted to pay our share.
My bil has family in the US and we asked him about tipping, he said oh we don’t bother. We were astounded and wondered how often staff have ranted about him in the kitchen! It doesn’t surprise me though as we’ve often covered the tips when out with him in the uk.

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