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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tip or not to tip….

116 replies

MumWithYOPD · 05/02/2022 07:36

Went out with colleagues to a restaurant last night and as some people ate off the set menu, some didn’t, some drank alcohol, some didn’t the bill was passed around for everyone to work out their own bill. That went surprisingly well. With the exception of one person everyone rounded up their meal to include a tip for the waitress (it was a really busy restaurant, she worked hard, was attentive and helpful, we didn’t have to wait long, she was great) The one person in question didn’t even guesstimate their bill they gave the precise amount. AIBU to think that if you receive good service in a restaurant the waitress/waiter should be shown this by way of a tip?
And to preempt the question, the person concerned is financially secure.

OP posts:
Wheelz46 · 05/02/2022 08:36

I always tip but I don't agree that someone should feel obliged to do so.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 05/02/2022 08:38

If it was a big group, surely there was a service charge already added?

I don't tip and think it's incredibly outdated and unnecessary in this country.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 05/02/2022 08:38

I don't tip. It shouldn't be up to me to subsidise poor wages. I'm only on minimum wage myself.

girlmom21 · 05/02/2022 08:39

@CrackerGal

Always tip unless it's very bad service. Your friend who didn't tip sounds miserly to me.
I disagree. I only tip if the service is exceptional. I'm not going to tip someone in the UK just for doing their job.

In other countries where waiting staff rely on tips it's different.

girlmom21 · 05/02/2022 08:40

@PerseverancePays

if you can't afford the tip, don't eat out.
Oh yeah don't do nice things ever if you can't afford to pay more than the actual cost of the nice thing? Hmm
CrackerGal · 05/02/2022 11:28

That should have read "I" at the start of my sentence.
I'm not UK but besides the point.
I've been the skint waitress before so I do think that I'm probably more understanding to hospitality staff.
Also I've personally found that it's often the people who don't have it that will always tip in restaurants, hairdressers etc. Often more wealthy people it wouldn't cross their mind.
Some of my family work in hairdressing too & say exactly the same thing.
Often it's people who seem more wealthy will quibble with prices in the hairdressers & try to haggle discounts, and also treat the staff badly.

CrackerGal · 05/02/2022 11:29

@CrackerGal

That should have read "I" at the start of my sentence. I'm not UK but besides the point. I've been the skint waitress before so I do think that I'm probably more understanding to hospitality staff. Also I've personally found that it's often the people who don't have it that will always tip in restaurants, hairdressers etc. Often more wealthy people it wouldn't cross their mind. Some of my family work in hairdressing too & say exactly the same thing. Often it's people who seem more wealthy will quibble with prices in the hairdressers & try to haggle discounts, and also treat the staff badly.
That was my reply to @girlmom21
girlmom21 · 05/02/2022 12:16

@CrackerGal in the UK most waiting staff are on the same wage as care staff etc.

I've never known anyone haggle a hairdresser - is that really a thing where you are?!

I suppose the rich know how to stay rich,

Susu49 · 05/02/2022 12:20

This really bothers me when everyone pays for their own, it ends up falling to the last person to cover the tip.

I find it really offensive on behalf of the waiting staff and your supposed friends you're eating with.

CrackerGal · 05/02/2022 12:39

[quote girlmom21]@CrackerGal in the UK most waiting staff are on the same wage as care staff etc.

I've never known anyone haggle a hairdresser - is that really a thing where you are?!

I suppose the rich know how to stay rich,[/quote]
Yes I guess you're probably right about the rich!
And yes I'd never heard of anyone trying to haggle at the hairdressers either, but my teen daughter said it happened a few times in front of her. Also same customers treated the staff like servants.
Doesn't cost anything to be cordial 🙈 I guess some people in general though can just be unpleasant.

whatnumber · 05/02/2022 12:43

@EmmaGrundyForPM

I tip, but I feel uncomfortable about it. I work in Adult Social Care and am very aware that Care Workers do an incredibly demanding job, with huge responsibility, and yet most get less than the NLW and don't get tips. So tipping a waiter feels wrong, but I still do it. Probably because I don't want to be judged by my dining Companions.

I do appreciate its not a race to the bottom, but I do think tipping should be outlawed and instead, decent wages paid. Which will be factored into the meal prices.

Agree with this
MagnoliaXYZ · 05/02/2022 13:33

But the waitress was already being paid to do her job. As others have said, she is earning no less than other minimum wage staff who do not get tipped.

Susu49 · 05/02/2022 13:49

In the UK though, we don't tip to ensure waiting staff are paid a minimum wage; we tip to show we appreciate good service and it's typically a nominal amount because it isn't mandatory.

With care workers, I wouldn't tip them at the end of end of each shift but I would give an end of employment term* tip or gift with a thank you note. If they had gone above and beyond I would also give a thank you gift (or tip) with note.

*or Christmas/end of year

In the UK, I think the tipping culture is more rooted in an expression of appreciation that our more 'mannered' culture has to serving roles, rather than an obligation to ensure someone is paid a minimum wage because they don't have sufficient employment rights.

Of course then you can get into a debate about how sufficient the national minimum wage is!

mamabeeboo · 05/02/2022 13:59

Usually with a large group, service charge is added automatically to the bill. Did that happen?

Also, depending on the place you go to, unless you pay in cash, the "add tip" option on the card machine goes straight to the company. Not the server. So I either don't tip, or tip with cash.

girlmom21 · 05/02/2022 14:00

@Susu49 now you mention it, I suppose you're right.
I'll only tip for exceptional service but I'll give the bin men and postie Xmas gifts. Then again they're consistent all year round and I wouldn't if they weren't good.

freecuthbert · 05/02/2022 14:03

I'm a care worker on a low income and I don't get tipped! Don't even get a bonus. If I ate out it would be a rare treat for me, and no I wouldn't tip. I would then be paying the waiting staff more than what I earn, and my work is so bloody hard. So basically going by some of the comments here I shouldn't ever go for a meal out. I guess care workers don't deserve treats or anything nice!

livvymc · 05/02/2022 14:11

@freecuthbert

I'm a care worker on a low income and I don't get tipped! Don't even get a bonus. If I ate out it would be a rare treat for me, and no I wouldn't tip. I would then be paying the waiting staff more than what I earn, and my work is so bloody hard. So basically going by some of the comments here I shouldn't ever go for a meal out. I guess care workers don't deserve treats or anything nice!
I think you are taking this a bit personally. I completely agree that the job you do is amazing. But so are a lot of other jobs. Nurses, doctors, cleaners, paramedics, I could go on forever! Saying “I guess care workers don’t deserve treats” is unnecessary. I guarantee no one on this thread thinks that! Millions of people have jobs that are bloody hard, it doesn’t mean they don’t tip. Millions of people are on low incomes and don’t get bonuses, myself included! But I’ll always leave a tip, even just a few quid. But it’s absolutely your choice!
Susu49 · 05/02/2022 14:25

@girlmom21 yes - I wouldn't tip for bad service. I also don't tip if a service charge has been added unless they were so good I wanted to tip more!

I've never tipped bin men Blush where would I leave the tip? They never come at the same time and all they do is wheel a bin up and down a few feet!

I've tipped posties in the past but where I live now we seem to get half a dozen different ones every day....At hairdressers I leave tips for apprentices but not the stylist.

Butchyrestingface · 05/02/2022 14:33

I need to get over it or if there’s a work function just not go in future, stick to socialising with friends.

Seriously? You're going to avoid work meals because ONE person in a group didn't tip?

girlmom21 · 05/02/2022 14:34

@Susu49 we tend to do a crate of beer or something and just leave it on the wall with a note on bin day so there's enough for all of them to have a couple. Our bin men are always lovely and we have the same postie all year round luckily

Butchyrestingface · 05/02/2022 14:34

@freecuthbert

I'm a care worker on a low income and I don't get tipped! Don't even get a bonus. If I ate out it would be a rare treat for me, and no I wouldn't tip. I would then be paying the waiting staff more than what I earn, and my work is so bloody hard. So basically going by some of the comments here I shouldn't ever go for a meal out. I guess care workers don't deserve treats or anything nice!
I do tend to tip out of habit but I am really sympathetic to this view.
UseOfWeapons · 05/02/2022 14:36

I only ever tip for really good service. I always thank those who have been looking after me, but my personal opinion is that if they’ve simply done their job, and no more, then no tip. I went out with a group of colleagues a couple weeks ago, and we all all agreed our waitress was fantastic, and agreed on a tip, each of us paying the same. Having said that, it’s very much a personal choice, so if someone else didn’t tip, I wouldn’t think anything of it.

freecuthbert · 05/02/2022 14:38

@livvymc

My comment was directed at the people with the line of thinking "if you can't afford to tip then don't eat out" which was said on this thread. It's already vanishingly rare for me to go out for a meal, if tipping became compulsory then I couldn't afford it, simple. People saying, oh you can bung in an extra quid are missing the point because people would still complain that is miserly. And if you can afford one quid, you can afford another quid surely etc... and then where does it end? You do know some people think it's rude not to tip 20% or whatever arbitrary number?

Where did I say only care workers have a hard job? It's quite patronising to then list off other jobs where people are hard workers as if I didn't know that. You know I know care workers aren't the only people who do gruelling work, right? Lots of people work very hard. But wow thank you for pointing that one out too. I was talking about me and my job! Well I'm happy for you that you can afford to tip and leave a few quid on a low income, good for you. Do you also tip your hairdresser, bin men, post men, and so on as lots of people do?

Wingedharpy · 05/02/2022 14:40

If a service charge hasn't been added, I'm inclined to tip - but not before I've asked the waiter/ess what that particular establishment does with the tips. I want it to go to the server, or I'm happy for it to be split amongst all staff, after all, the poor devils in the kitchen who cooked the meal, never get anything extra.
@Susu49: DH likes to lurk around the bins in December so he can proffer his Christmas tip. Last year, they told him they thought he was approaching them to complain when they saw him heading towards themGrin

mandajmo · 05/02/2022 15:27

I always tip, unless very poor service. I always split the bill equally with however many people are there regardless of how many courses, drinks etc. life's too short to spend it with meanies Smile