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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tip or not to tip….

116 replies

MumWithYOPD · 05/02/2022 07:36

Went out with colleagues to a restaurant last night and as some people ate off the set menu, some didn’t, some drank alcohol, some didn’t the bill was passed around for everyone to work out their own bill. That went surprisingly well. With the exception of one person everyone rounded up their meal to include a tip for the waitress (it was a really busy restaurant, she worked hard, was attentive and helpful, we didn’t have to wait long, she was great) The one person in question didn’t even guesstimate their bill they gave the precise amount. AIBU to think that if you receive good service in a restaurant the waitress/waiter should be shown this by way of a tip?
And to preempt the question, the person concerned is financially secure.

OP posts:
Cheesechips · 05/02/2022 15:29

[quote freecuthbert]@livvymc

My comment was directed at the people with the line of thinking "if you can't afford to tip then don't eat out" which was said on this thread. It's already vanishingly rare for me to go out for a meal, if tipping became compulsory then I couldn't afford it, simple. People saying, oh you can bung in an extra quid are missing the point because people would still complain that is miserly. And if you can afford one quid, you can afford another quid surely etc... and then where does it end? You do know some people think it's rude not to tip 20% or whatever arbitrary number?

Where did I say only care workers have a hard job? It's quite patronising to then list off other jobs where people are hard workers as if I didn't know that. You know I know care workers aren't the only people who do gruelling work, right? Lots of people work very hard. But wow thank you for pointing that one out too. I was talking about me and my job! Well I'm happy for you that you can afford to tip and leave a few quid on a low income, good for you. Do you also tip your hairdresser, bin men, post men, and so on as lots of people do?[/quote]
Yes I always tip my hairdresser! They're often paid so poorly. It's not really customary to tip the postman and bin man though.

curlii103 · 05/02/2022 15:31

I find it irksome. Lots of people work for nmw and dont get tips.

hahahabants · 05/02/2022 15:34

Nothing wrong with paying the precise amount when that’s literally what you’ve ordered…

I think it’s ridiculous this person has even been singled out when they haven’t done anything wrong. You don’t HAVE to tip someone. Even if they’ve given you great service, it’s literally their job….

Original poster
MumWithYOPD · 05/02/2022 15:35

@Butchyrestingface

I need to get over it or if there’s a work function just not go in future, stick to socialising with friends.

Seriously? You're going to avoid work meals because ONE person in a group didn't tip?

@Butchyrestingface yes, seriously, if they’re going I’d rather not go. They’re a nice person but someone that can’t even round their food and drinks bill up to the next £ is something that really doesn’t sit comfortably with me. I’d rather remove myself from the scenario than finding myself saying something that could embarrass them or that I would regret. I work with this person I’m not obliged to socialise with them.
OP posts:
feb21 · 05/02/2022 15:38

As I've said, I tip unless the service is dire. But I really wouldn't judge my friends if they didn't.

Unless the restaurant is full, and you're depriving the waiting staff of a table of tipping customers, I'm sure the restaurant and their staff would rather have the extra customers. It helps pay staff salaries and gives them shifts. And yes, I know the wages aren't great and they rely on tips but there's a middle ground here.

stuffedcookie · 05/02/2022 15:39

I have a good friend who doesn't tip. He's never worked in hospitality and doesn't understand it. I bought us a Groupon deal for a meal before and asked if he would get the tip and he left 50p.

Another time I left coins on the receipt tray and he followed me into the street and handed me it back saying 'you left this on the table' thinking it was a mistake.

SickAndTiredAgain · 05/02/2022 15:47

They’re a nice person but someone that can’t even round their food and drinks bill up to the next £ is something that really doesn’t sit comfortably with me.

Does rounding up to the nearest pound even qualify as tipping? I guess technically it does, but if that’s what you count as tipping then it can barely be more than not tipping at all, which you think is outrageous.

When you say everyone else rounded up their meal to include a tip, did you mean just to the next pound? If yours was £19.50 (or whatever) and you paid £20, I don’t think you can judge someone for not giving an additional 50p.

hahahabants · 05/02/2022 15:56

yes, seriously, if they’re going I’d rather not go. They’re a nice person but someone that can’t even round their food and drinks bill up to the next £ is something that really doesn’t sit comfortably with me. I’d rather remove myself from the scenario than finding myself saying something that could embarrass them or that I would regret. I work with this person I’m not obliged to socialise with them.

That is sooooo ridiculous. They’re doing nothing wrong by paying the exact amount of their order. You’re acting as if they’ve ordered the most expensive stuff off of the menu and suggested everyone’s split the bill when you’ve only had a £5 drink. They’re paying for what they’ve ordered, not ordered expensive items and tried to get other people to chip in to pay for it which is what many cheeky people do. You sound really judgmental btw

Original poster
MumWithYOPD · 05/02/2022 16:02

@SickAndTiredAgain

They’re a nice person but someone that can’t even round their food and drinks bill up to the next £ is something that really doesn’t sit comfortably with me.

Does rounding up to the nearest pound even qualify as tipping? I guess technically it does, but if that’s what you count as tipping then it can barely be more than not tipping at all, which you think is outrageous.

When you say everyone else rounded up their meal to include a tip, did you mean just to the next pound? If yours was £19.50 (or whatever) and you paid £20, I don’t think you can judge someone for not giving an additional 50p.

@SickAndTiredAgain I’ve not been clear. Everyone rounded by £2+ which as the average was about £22 most paid £25. Maybe because I’ve been to America a few times I view it differently to those who don’t ever tip. I’ll tip minimum 10% unless service is bad or there’s a service charge already added.
OP posts:
Original poster
MumWithYOPD · 05/02/2022 16:09

@hahahabants

yes, seriously, if they’re going I’d rather not go. They’re a nice person but someone that can’t even round their food and drinks bill up to the next £ is something that really doesn’t sit comfortably with me. I’d rather remove myself from the scenario than finding myself saying something that could embarrass them or that I would regret. I work with this person I’m not obliged to socialise with them.

That is sooooo ridiculous. They’re doing nothing wrong by paying the exact amount of their order. You’re acting as if they’ve ordered the most expensive stuff off of the menu and suggested everyone’s split the bill when you’ve only had a £5 drink. They’re paying for what they’ve ordered, not ordered expensive items and tried to get other people to chip in to pay for it which is what many cheeky people do. You sound really judgmental btw

@hahahabants I’m removing myself from a situation I feel uncomfortable with. I don’t find that ridiculous. Why should I spend my free time with someone I don’t want to socialise with anymore? Judgemental? Not that you’re judging me much 🙄
OP posts:
livvymc · 05/02/2022 16:11

[quote freecuthbert]@livvymc

My comment was directed at the people with the line of thinking "if you can't afford to tip then don't eat out" which was said on this thread. It's already vanishingly rare for me to go out for a meal, if tipping became compulsory then I couldn't afford it, simple. People saying, oh you can bung in an extra quid are missing the point because people would still complain that is miserly. And if you can afford one quid, you can afford another quid surely etc... and then where does it end? You do know some people think it's rude not to tip 20% or whatever arbitrary number?

Where did I say only care workers have a hard job? It's quite patronising to then list off other jobs where people are hard workers as if I didn't know that. You know I know care workers aren't the only people who do gruelling work, right? Lots of people work very hard. But wow thank you for pointing that one out too. I was talking about me and my job! Well I'm happy for you that you can afford to tip and leave a few quid on a low income, good for you. Do you also tip your hairdresser, bin men, post men, and so on as lots of people do?[/quote]
Do you think it’s more miserly to leave £1 or 2, than nothing?!
And to be frank, it was you that said “I guess care workers don’t deserve treats etc” I didn’t specify a role, you did! That’s why I was pointing out that you could go on forever naming jobs. Why make it specific to your job? You could say “no one on a low income who works hard deserves treats”!
And yes, I do tip my hairdresser on the very odd occasion I get my hair done. I factor it into the price. So for example, if my hair costs £27, I make sure I have £30, as if that is the price.
If I can’t afford the £30 this month, I’ll save a bit and wait until next month.
Binmen and milkman get a fiver at Xmas, again factored into Xmas budget.

hahahabants · 05/02/2022 16:22

You feel uncomfortable about the fact that someone has decided not to tip a waiter/waitress?😂
The issue with people like you is that the focus is on people who don’t tip for whatever reason instead of focusing on companies who pay their staff incredibly low wages instead of a reasonable wage. There is no law to say you MUST tip. Many people ask for service charge to be removed off of a bill as you don’t HAVE to pay it.

Looking at someone sideways because they didn’t round their bill up £2/£3 is incredibly judgmental and strange. You sound like a lovely person but eh, each to their own

hahahabants · 05/02/2022 16:24

Also, I’m not judging you. Just letting you know that you sound seriously unhinged

19lottie82 · 05/02/2022 16:25

My bil has family in the US and we asked him about tipping, he said oh we don’t bother. We were astounded and wondered how often staff have ranted about him in
the kitchen!

Wow! I’d be surprised if they even let him back into the same restaurant again!

That’s really poor, it actually “costs” a server to serve a customer as they are expected to tip out the bartenders and kitchen staff, whether they get a tip from a customer or not.

19lottie82 · 05/02/2022 16:26

Also, I’m not judging you. Just letting you know that you sound seriously unhinged

Well, yes, you are! And no, they don’t.

Chikapu · 05/02/2022 16:27

So you'd rather not socialise with this person ever again because you think you're Lady Bountiful because you left two quid on the table? Jinkies!

foreverandalways · 05/02/2022 16:28

Should never assume....they are financially secure because they are careful with money...I hardly ever tip

Bakewelltart987 · 05/02/2022 16:37

I missed the law that said you must tip.
I never tip we are not In America were tips make up there wage. Just like I don't tip the shop keeper for doing the job they are paided todo.

19lottie82 · 05/02/2022 16:39

I missed the law that said you must tip.

You know what they say about sarcasm……

VladmirsPoutine · 05/02/2022 16:40

I would have tipped (because it's the right thing to do in my opinion) and if for nothing else not to look like a miser as people do notice these things whether they mention it or not.

ImInStealthMode · 05/02/2022 16:48

A small restaurant chain near me have outlawed tipping and crow online about paying a living wage. As a customer I don't like that. If I've received great service in a pretty thankless job then I want to reward that myself. It's not the same for the restaurant to charge me £15 instead of £12 for a lasagne and then feed some of that back into their wage bill. Pay a living wage by all means but allow me to add to that if I want to.

I worked in bars and restaurants for years and remember that joyful feeling of a good tip night making the difference to the rest of your week. I like passing that feeling on to staff who've enhanced my evening. If I couldn't afford to tip great service I wouldn't go out to eat to begin with.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/02/2022 16:58

I tip unless the service is dire. But I really wouldn't judge my friends if they didn't

This is my own approach
I tip happily when it's deserved, but what I object to is someone else expecting me to do whatever-it-is, when that thing is my own choice to make

Waxonwaxoff0 · 05/02/2022 16:59

My hairdresser is self employed, owns her own salon and is much better off financially than me. Like heck am I tipping.

Thefrenchconnection1 · 05/02/2022 17:01

I used to tip but then I thought, why does a waiter get a tip on NMW when a fast food worker doesn't, neither do carers, neither do checkout assistants. They all serve.

freecuthbert · 05/02/2022 17:12

@livvymc

I'm a care worker, I was talking about myself and my job, I made it abundantly clear in my post what my job is, so don't feign cluelessness about why I referred to care workers, christ. Does everyone have to speak in general terms around you?

By the way, it is not miserly for someone to forgo paying a tip, you are tipping someone who is already paid to do a job, you have already paid for the service which is factored into the costs. Maybe you think it's miserly, but it's really not. The more people reinforce this notion the more normalised tipping culture becomes and look how well that worked out for America. Sure, tip if you can and want, but forgoing a haircut for an extra month just so you can stretch it by another £3 is a bit much, there's not an award for being a martyr here. When you're on such a low income yourself why should it be your job to subsidise other people's wages, including those who are self employed and set their own rates as is often the case with hairdressers?