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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh bullying my son?

133 replies

trixey · 04/02/2022 21:37

My son is autistic, goes to an sen school, he loves animals. He has no proper friends sadly. We adopted a cat about a year ago. DS adores the cat.

Every now and then Dh will joke to DS that he's going to take the cat away. DS laughs but the joke carries on until DS asks me if Dh is being serious. I of course say he is joking.

It's becoming a bit if a thing. Maybe once a week. I should add that Dh isn't DS father. It's his step father.

I don't see anything funny with this. I have asked Dh to stop but that 'joke' continues.

I know in my head what I feel...I'll see if you all agree with me.

OP posts:
SeigneurLapindeGrantham · 04/02/2022 21:47

Does your husband really need to be there? Life would be so much nicer without him. Just you and your son and your cat.

Original poster
trixey · 04/02/2022 21:49

@SeigneurLapindeGrantham

Does your husband really need to be there? Life would be so much nicer without him. Just you and your son and your cat.
100%

We adopted the cat as a member of my family passed away and we didn't want to cat to go to a rescue. Which just makes it even more cruel as the cat already was in the family.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/02/2022 21:50

What is your plan, love ?

Mellowyellow222 · 04/02/2022 21:50

It is cruel to taunt your son like this. Why on earth do you allow this?

You know it’s bullying - your know it unsettled your son. Stop it now.

Houseplantmad · 04/02/2022 21:51

This is so sad for your son and must be so upsetting for you. You need to protect your sin. He's got enough to contend with in life without a 'trusted' person making him feel so insecure.

LittleMissTake · 04/02/2022 21:52

Sounds like he’s a bully and jealous of the attention your son gets from you,

Time for an ultimatum OP, ideally DH either desists or it’s over.

GrazingSheep · 04/02/2022 21:52

What is their relationship like apart from this?

AnyFucker · 04/02/2022 21:53

How could there be a relationship “apart from this” ?

Freddiefox · 04/02/2022 21:54

Your poor son, I feel really sorry for him. Your husband is on a power trip, showing your son he’s the alpha male of the house.

NewtoHolland · 04/02/2022 21:55

100%

Original poster
trixey · 04/02/2022 22:01

My parents are aware that things have been rocky for the last few months but certainly the last couple of weeks.

They are currently sorting out the spare room for me and DS - and the cat. We will be gone on Sunday when he's at work.

Tonight has been the last straw. If you saw Dh, he's very charming, can worm his way out if anything. That's how he's got through life. As soon as he sees DS getting flustered, he will laugh and say he's only joking.

But what else he has done tonight is ask DS to rub his feet. I told DS to go upstairs and I'd be up soon.

They've gone from having a pretty close relationship to it's just gone. Absolutely no fault of DS of course. I've fought tooth and nail for my son and I absolutely will not let anything get in the way of that.

This isn't the only reason I am leaving, I think you could all see that if he bullies a child, he has other issues too.

Thankfully we do not own a property.

OP posts:
GettingItOutThere · 04/02/2022 22:02

eugh get rid of the husband asap. That is utterly cruel to your son

NewtoHolland · 04/02/2022 22:02

There doesn't need to be an 'apart from this' context at all here. This action is so fucking cruel what an ugly, pathetic man.
The fact that your DS is coming to you checking it's not going to happen is heart breaking.
How soon can you both get free? Your future is going to be so much better away from this lovely, I can only imagine the other levels of cruelty that surround you, a man that chooses to act this way, it won't be the only way in which he's poison to you both.

DreamTheMoors · 04/02/2022 22:04

@AnyFucker

Get rid of the husband
@trixey

This is actually perfect. The next time your dh starts up, simply laugh and say to your son, “We’ll be getting rid of stepdad before we ever get rid of the cat.”
Then shoot a knowing look at dh.

Honest2you · 04/02/2022 22:05

That's a very cruel and unnecessary 'joke' to be making. It clearly upsets your son so why does he think it's okay to continue. You know in your heart what to do.

NewtoHolland · 04/02/2022 22:06

Cross posted. So glad you can get out so soon. Never look back. Your son might not be able to tell you but this will mean everything to his wellbeing xx
I have an autistic child and know that flustered state, that he's been cruelly setting that up breaks my heart for you.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 04/02/2022 22:07

Get rid of this piece of shit. My stepfather bullied me relentlessly and I ended up with a serious mental health disorder that has made my entire life harder. i have no happy memories of him or my childhood after he arrived.

AnyFucker · 04/02/2022 22:08

Don’t say anything more, either to your husband or your son

You have a plan. Follow it. Just go, follow it and protect your son.

TracyMosby · 04/02/2022 22:08

Good luck for sunday.

Honest2you · 04/02/2022 22:08

You could even say that it's emotional abuse.

WonderfulYou · 04/02/2022 22:10

I am not a child and I am not autistic - and I would still hate this.
None of my family or friends have ever said anything like this to me as they’re not twats and actually like me.

I think you are doing the right thing OP especially as you’ve spoken to him about it and he’s still carrying on.
I feel this would just get worse as he gets older.

How long have you been together?

Twilight7777 · 04/02/2022 22:10

My dad used to do this to me, but he’d threaten to have the cat put down in a snidey jokey way. Its bullying by trying to make him feel insecure. Please leave the twat

Original poster
trixey · 04/02/2022 22:11

@Honest2you

You could even say that it's emotional abuse.
It is. If DS has a day out planned, he's started to joke and say 'the trains cancelled so you can't go now' Or 'there's no Christmas in this house this year'

I remember my dad was a bit of a joker like that. But im not autistic and knew it was a joke.

OP posts:
OhWhyNot · 04/02/2022 22:15

That’s great you getting out

This is how it starts …

Tempusfudgeit · 04/02/2022 22:16

Absolutely revolting. What a horror of an individual. You are doing the right thing by your son and yourself. Stay strong x