to not invite these people to my wedding?

[inviteweddings3774]

looking to get married next year. we’re on a very tight budget but this will not change anytime soon so waiting even longer is not the answer.

the place i’m looking at has a set package for 30 people which we can afford. aibu to only invite the people i really get on with and e.g. not their partners. for example i don’t get on with my BIL - he’s controlling and manipulative and i don’t want to pay extra or have him take up the space of someone else. or my cousins partners - never really speak to or see their partners, is it okay to not invite them?

and yes before anyone says i’d love to elope just me and my partner but he wants family there

@inviteweddings3774

some of the responses on here confuse me! so i should spend £70 per person inviting people i have said about 2 words to in the last year?

i understand BIL and will invite him but cousins are my friends however i literally never see their partners. 2 of them i haven’t even met their long term partners

Your cousins can't be that close friends, if you haven't met their partners.

The only way you could get away with excluding BIL is if you exclude all spouses and only invite the blood relatives. It will still cause family upset, but it may not completely destroy your relationships.

This ^ and then only if you were only having about 10 guests.

I also agree with pp that if you have budget for 30 people @ £70, then you also have budget for 70 people @ £30 (and obviously many, many compromises in between - those are the extremes.)
Wedding aren't a fixed 'price per person'. Most couples have a good think about roughly how many people they want to share their day with, and then find a way to make that work within their budget.
You can't leave out your sister's dh.

Haven't RTFT so ignore if this has been said but:

It's one thing who you invite to the wedding.
It's another thing who will accept your invitation.

If a family member invited me to a wedding but not my partner, I would think that was very rude and I wouldn't go. I would think less of that person and it would sour our relationship.

You decide which member of your family you want to alienate over £70?

Also remember that most wedding guests spend much more than the cost of their meal on an outfit, transport, hotel, and gift. They deserve to enjoy the day too, and for most people that involves their partner being with them.

Obviously you'll do you, at the end of the day - but it would be a shame to have no friends or family speaking to you after your 'special day'!

You can invite who you want if you're willing to hurt feelings and potentially cause family drama.

You're thinking of it terms of "£70 per person, so I only want the right people otherwise I'm wasting my money".

When actually, what's going to come across is "Dear Sister/Cousin, F*ck off, you're not worth it"

Do you honestly expect your sister to come to your wedding if her husband isn't invited? Seriously??

It's difficult and galling but I would invite him. I did the same with my sister's boyfriend. He was a complete sneaky dickhead who cheated on her resulting in a baby, broke up with her then she took him back and assumed he was still invited to the wedding. I did resist at first but it wasn't worth the bother and they broke up shortly afterwards (thank God).

It's rubbish but I would do it for my sister. You'll be so busy on the day you probably won't see him and you could ask the photographers to stick him at the back/or end of any group photos. Obviously this would depend on the incidents you have mentioned, if he's a creep or a sex offender then I wouldn't invite him.

I’d invite BIL & not invite cousins at all.

My cousins won’t be coming to my wedding. Neither will my aunties & uncles.

Not eloping, just not interested in paying for people who we never see.

You really can't invite someone to your wedding and not invite their spouse/long term partner. That's incredibly rude. If numbers are tight you have to draw a line somewhere and maybe don't invite your cousins. If you are going to invite your cousins you really should also invite their partners, which might mean using a different venue or finding a way to increase your budget.

You’re only spending £70 pp because of your choice of venue. Spending less per head and inviting more people is an option you have. If you choose not to take it that’s fine and completely up to you, but you can’t expect everyone to like it.

YABVU it’s rude as fuck to not invite partners but especially your sister’s husband

Would you be happy to not be invited to your sister or friends weddings because their partners either don't like you or haven't spoken 2 words to you in a year?

Because those would be their weddings too and they'd get a vote on the guest list....?

I think its massive hypocritical to exclude partners when a wedding is about the union of two people coming together. There's no way I'd attend a family wedding without my dh and vice versa. Your guests should be able to enjoy the event properly, only a bridezilla puts a venue above their guest list. The only time I think its ok to not include parts if it was a work colleague.

I think its massive hypocritical to exclude partners when a wedding is about the union of two people coming together.

As you say, it’s about two people coming together. It’s not a general celebration of the institution of marriage. So why do you need your partner there?

WomanStanleyWoman so why exclude partners when marriage is about two families coming together then the bride wants to exclude half a couple of her family. It's poor etiquette.

Well personally I wouldn’t exclude a BIL, that wasn’t the only question on the thread. The OP also asked about excluding cousins’ partners who she barely knows. I don’t think that’s a problem.

Also, why is a marriage a union of two families? My sister married her husband - I didn’t.