To be miffed after this phone call from DS school

[GypsyWanderer]

So DS is 14. I just got a phone call from a woman at the high school (I don’t recognise her name and not even sure if she is a teacher or whatever) and she tells me several members of staff and students have noticed my DS smells! I am mortified obviously. He has regular showers and deodorant etc.

I guess I’m miffed because I don’t know what to do about it except tell him every day to have a shower and deodorant which I do anyway with all the kids. I’m just shocked that several students and teachers have noticed when me and DH haven’t. Also kind of wish they had sent me an email rather than an embarrassing phone call

Please don't be upset or embarrassed. We have a system in our school where staff can raise private safeguarding concerns. Individually, these can seem relatively minor, like a child having bo. However bo can be one of many signals for neglect. In most cases staff don't know what is going on in the home.

I'm not saying that this is the case for your DS at all, I'm just explaining what may have happened.

It is highly unlikely that staff have been chatting about it, more likely that individual staff have flagged it and the designated safeguarding lead has seen the whole picture and let you know.
It is much better for staff to raise any concerns to the DSL rather than just think "what if I'm wrong". Instead we are told to think "what if I'm right?"

Isn't strong sweat odour something quite common in boys going through puberty? One of my sons had this although no phone call from teacher. There are certain deodorants that a much stronger and obviously more expensive. I got some for my son ( I think it was recommended by a pharmasist) and it did help. My son grew out of it within a year or 2,

My bet is that there are plenty of teenage boys at your sons school who have the same problem, but I understand why you feel upset about the phone call

It’s not the phone call you want but I would rather know because other kids will definitely know .

My dd went through a phase don’t know what she was doing as would have a shower every evening had plenty of deodorant, she either was neglecting under arms in shower or not using deodorant probably. I did buy more roll -ons rather then spray . It has massively improved now was always surprised how she couldn’t smell it .
I have since herd her group comment on another girl “she doesn’t know how to use deodorant “ and I’m thinking my god what must they have said about her at the time !

I wash both kids blazers they are dry clean but lots of others stuck them in wash so I started and have been fine ,usually in 1/2 term as too much may wear colour.

That is embarrassing, poor you, however he will not be the only kid at the school who smells.

Speak to him seriously about paying scrupulous attention to particular areas of his body and to make sure his back and hair are clean. Always to put on clean clothes too.

Maybe change the deodorant and not have a highly perfumed one.

He'll be OK.

I reckon his blazer is the main cause but also his other uniform may be holding armpit smells, even though they've been washed.

My son went through a stage of being a bit whiffy and I noticed that when I ironed his clothes the smell would waft up when doing the underarms. Sometimes the clothes get so impregnated with the smelly sweat that a bit of heat just makes them smell like they haven't been washed. This could be happening to your son after his walk to school perhaps, regardless whether he's in freshly washed clothes.

I'd definitely chance the blazer on an easy care setting in the machine though. It's known that many dry clean only garments are fine to be machine washed. Manufacturers just like to cover their bums just in case of shrinkage etc.

Actually, having re-read your first post, I am wondering if the call was genuine or someone having a joke (at your and your son's expense). You say you didn't recognise her name - try and find out who she is and what role she has at the school. It is an unusual thing to happen.

That wasn’t a teacher - that’s another kid making the phone call, surely!

Poor lad! I would imagine it's clothes. Dry clean only uniform is ludicrous, it needs to be machine washable. I'd also suggest a switch to bar soap and stop using shower gel. It's not as effective with cleaning and doing that really made a difference to my giant sweaty 10 year old.

As a form teacher I've had to make that phone call, it was mortifying for all involved.

DD also can be very stinky even though she showers daily and uses mitchums, you've had some great suggestions so far. I found that even after washing her shirts once she'd worn them (or I ironed them) the stink was released. I started to added Dettol antibacterial washing stuff to my wash and that got rid of the problem straight away.

The other thing worth looking into is his wardrobe. Ikea wardrobes in particular are notorious for sometimes having a persistent smell that transfers to clothes. I have built in wardrobes in every bedroom and 1 of them has this problem but for ages I was nagging my son about showering before I realised it was the wardrobe . The other wardrobes are fine, the one with a problem is several years old so it should have aired out by now, I’m not sure what to do about it tbh

I think it's possibly the dog smell.

I've noticed that when I've been in thr houses of people with dogs, even though they are clean, they absolutely smell of dog and the owners are oblivious to the smell.

Maybe make sure that he doesn't touch the dogs in his school uniform?

I don’t think this is unusual at that age. Dd is 14 and says many boys in her classes smell, it’s probably their hormones kicking in. My own ds (16) stinks all the time but he is a lazy arse and just will not wash. He often has a combined smell of unwashed hair and Cornish pasty, very delightful and it’s no wonder he is short on admirers! It’s driving me insane.

I think there's a point in adolescence when young man sweat suddenly starts smelling very bad. I remember it with my son.

Because he's disabled and needs help washing I knew he washing properly, using decent deodorant etc. Made no difference. But cleaning his clothes - all cotton - became a challenge. Sometimes two hot washes with bio powder was not enough. Had to wash his clothes separately otherwise everything smelled, also doing regular maintenance washes to clean the machine.

However he did come through the other side and obviously still gets sweaty in hot weather or if he is active but it's nowhere near as bad.

@blyn72 it's really not an unusual thi g to happen. Phone calls home for the need to improve personal hygiene could come from a form teacher (or a temp form teacher if they are off), a pastoral person, maybe even someone in the office if they are really short staffed. It is very unlikely you'll know all of the staff in a secondary school and many people are wearing many different hats at the moment to cover illness.

When people have BO for whatever reason it's noticeable, it's noticeable as you walk past the student and other students don't want to sit next to them and complain. It's far better to make conact with home and to rectify the situation than to leave the poor child to it.

Is your house clean? You have 4 dogs, you can always tell when there’s one dog in a house, it must smell musty etc with 4?
Especially if he’s leaving his blazer lying around

That’s not a bad idea actually. DS16 is super clean, he could say something to him.

I was wondering about this because in my experience of teenage siblings, they'd usually be the first ones to say 'Mate, you stink. Sort it out FFS' in a situation like this. I'm also wondering, if the issue is smelling of dogs, why your other boys don't have the same problem - so maybe a less than thorough shower or sweaty clothes is at the root of this one. So I reckon some brotherly advice from DS16 might be the way to go here!

I get on the bus with a load of secondary kids and the boys absolutely STINK. They wear polyester blazers underneath big puffer jackets even when it's warm.

I would like to add some very lighthearted advice to anyone with teen boys who aren't as fragrant as we would like - my eldest had a warning from me and proceeded to douse himself in Lynx every single day! Trust me when I tell you that BO is preferable after a time! I can still identify which Lynx spray someone is wearing if I'm walking behind them and they've overdone it 🤢 My lovely boy is 26 now and thankfully past the Lynx phase but still uses quite a strong shower gel that you can smell through the house when he's finished 😂😂

@GypsyWanderer

So DS is 14. I just got a phone call from a woman at the high school (I don’t recognise her name and not even sure if she is a teacher or whatever) and she tells me several members of staff and students have noticed my DS smells! I am mortified obviously. He has regular showers and deodorant etc.

I guess I’m miffed because I don’t know what to do about it except tell him every day to have a shower and deodorant which I do anyway with all the kids. I’m just shocked that several students and teachers have noticed when me and DH haven’t. Also kind of wish they had sent me an email rather than an embarrassing phone call

Not in West London are you?

my kids school just asked me about his hygiene as some students have complained he smells.

now I am thinking maybe the flat stinks and I dont notice it because I am used to it, there is quite a bit of damp here.

I'm going to spray his school clothing with febreeze when he gets home, clean his shoes, try to sort out his hair a bit with some leave in conditioner after his bath and tell him to stop looking so scruffy and tuck his shirt in etc.

I am not going to take it badly, if he is a bit stinky that'll lead to bullying and it might just be a reaction to the way he looks i.e scruffy. dont take it to heart its a school kids get judged and bullied over every little thing.

I know lots of people have suggested washing his blazer but I tried that once the blazer definitely shrunk (and yy I did low temp, inside a bag, etc). Now I use Dettol anti-bac spray & wear on DC's blazer.

You could call back the school and ask them to clarify what they meant about students and teachers discussing it because you're worried about the potential for bullying. There's no way students and teachers should be talking about another pupil like that.

[quote misspercy]@GypsyWanderer I once worked with someone who stank of BO. It was a really awkward situation where eventually his line manager had to sit down and explain he stank (in nicer words).

Far better your DS is aware of his odour as teenager than making his way through to adulthood oblivious!

FWIW, the stinky colleague sorted himself out after that conversation and was stinky no more. It's just a shame people let him get that far in life without pointing out he needed a better deodorant and to wash his clothes with stronger detergent. Could have saved the poor bloke some embarrassment![/quote]
Similar. I was in a fashion course once, a girl really stank of bo selecta. So the tutor handed out rules of the class and one of them was about personal hygiene. She said it might seem funny but we had this problem before and since we all have to share this room it’s in everyone’s best interest,.

Notice you said he has eczema so suspect you use non biological soap powder. A lifetime ago I had three teenage boys two of whom had eczema and I noticed when ironing their school shirts that they still smelt of BO even after washing when I ironed the armpits. I suspect its more likely his clothes and I would check the armpits of his blazer if its a polyester one like mine had🤢 like others say try white vinegar or there is a natural laundry bleach that you can buy to add to the wash which shouldn't affect his eczema. If it's the emollients that are causing the smell, one of mine uses loads of the Palmers cocoa butter (they do one fragrance free) which he swears is better. I personally don't like the smell but it's more of a chocolate smell to me so shouldn't offend any body's noses at school. 🤧

In my ds' school they wear a shirt and woolly jumper and surprised they don't all stink- deodorant only goes so far. I know now why my db used to use roll on then smother himself in lynx Africa!!!

I do the sniff test with my 11 and 13 year olds from time to time!

Also, I spray the armpits of their clothes with SHOUT stain remover spray before washing in a 60 degree wash.

Fresh set of school clothes every day.

Plus they use a tea tree soap bar instead of shower gel as often shower gel does not do the trick.

Dd was a nightmare at that age, she went into the bathroom and the shower was turned on but she just made her hair wet (not even washing it) to get me off her back (so she thought) she has asd. By about 16 we persuaded her to have better hygiene but when she's depressed it still suffers