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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t afford holiday

82 replies

Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 17:53

Me and DP have been talking about going away for a long weekend for a while now - just us, no kids - on a weekend where we wouldnt have the kids - vaguely committing to various locations in Europe as we have both travelled very little but we just hadn’t had time to decide.

We had also been intending on saving up to take the kids away next year - both respectively have 2 each - planning an expensive trip, splitting the cost between us.

Anyway - DP recently won some money, quite a decent sum, enough for him and myself to go on our long weekend away including spending money

Without even mentioning it to me - he announced to our 4 children that we would be going away in summer for 2 weeks, abroad, using the money Shock we had literally decided that we would NOT be taking them abroad this year but would try for a UK break/camping so this was a surprise even to me!

For us to go away for 2 weeks the cost would be at least double what he won, maybe more, then there would be spending money on top. 2 weeks, 2 adults and 4 children I would imagine this would be fairly significant.

Now here’s the thing - I just can’t afford to pay half of the remainder of the holiday cost and half the spending money. I’m just about getting on my feet financially (paying off a large debt) and when he would be intending on us going away is just when I’d be about straight, we moved in together last year - long story short me moving in hasn’t been the reason I can pay debts off, I’ve bettered my job. I don’t want another few months of paying off additional debts.

Apparently I’m being really negative. So here’s the thing - AIBU??

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 02/02/2022 18:03

Yes and no. Its a plan he should have put to you first. But I can see why he would prioritise a family holiday. But then again I wouldn't take kids abroad in the summer.

I would personally have a week in the UK camping or holiday let AND the weekend away. There's definitely a compromise but should have been agreed between you and him. Massively irritating and extremely presumptuous of him to just announce it and expect you to jump on board.

CorrBlimeyGG · 02/02/2022 18:12

He should have asked you first, but the family holiday should come before your adults only break.

velvet24 · 02/02/2022 18:13

Id be so annoyed!! He should have discussed with you first, I wouldn't want to go away for 2 weeks if the kids weren't having a holiday , id rather go for a weekend away ?

Summerof74 · 02/02/2022 18:17

Why not just go for a cheap week?. Doesn't have to be two weeks!

3WildOnes · 02/02/2022 18:17

I would definitely prioritise a family holiday over a holiday with my DH. How much did he win? How much could you both save between now and then? Could you do a slightly cheaper holiday abroad?

velvet24 · 02/02/2022 18:17

How old are the 4 kids?

Schools2023 · 02/02/2022 18:20

What's the budget and holiday requirements, we can find something to fit it. Middle class mumsnetters are holiday bargain fiends...

GiantSpider · 02/02/2022 18:21

I think YABU for expecting him to prioritise a weekend away for the two of you if he'd rather spend the money it on a family holiday.

But you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable to not want to go into debt for this and he shouldn't expect you to.

Compromise? How about if you went away for one week rather than two - that should bring the price down?

MaizeAmaze · 02/02/2022 18:23

How much has he won?
See if the power of Mumsnet can find you a holiday!

44PumpLane · 02/02/2022 18:27

YABU because you seem to be prioritising your weekend away and putting off doing sownthing with the kids.

If you can afford both I think it's fine to take the time and money and spend on the adults only weekend, but you can't and therefore it's a bit shit you're expecting the kids to go without for another year whilst whipping off with your other half.

Agree YANBU to not want to go into debt for it though.

Look for a cheap week. You could literally do a couple weeks camping in France and ferry across and take your car!

Mynameisnew · 02/02/2022 18:28

Wait do you have to pay 50% of a holiday hes picked on the basis of paying his 50% with a win? That sounds difficult. Just tell him you can't manage it.

Schools2023 · 02/02/2022 18:28

Avoiding package holidays will save you tonnes.

Fly to business airports then get an airbnb. Eg fly to Milan then do an airbnb in lake garda which is stunning, loads of stuff for the kids but beautiful scenery for the adults too....

Schools2023 · 02/02/2022 18:29

Or look at landal parks in the Netherlands you can drive there and they have kids clubs so you can get a break.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/02/2022 18:31

He should have talked to you first. Why didn’t he? Is this typical behaviour? It’s a basic communication failure.

I’d be prioritising a family holiday over a couples break but if he was on board with it he’s out of order doing this.

Change it to a week and he pays for all of it.

Suprima · 02/02/2022 18:31

@Dogmummy1980

Me and DP have been talking about going away for a long weekend for a while now - just us, no kids - on a weekend where we wouldnt have the kids - vaguely committing to various locations in Europe as we have both travelled very little but we just hadn’t had time to decide.

We had also been intending on saving up to take the kids away next year - both respectively have 2 each - planning an expensive trip, splitting the cost between us.

Anyway - DP recently won some money, quite a decent sum, enough for him and myself to go on our long weekend away including spending money

Without even mentioning it to me - he announced to our 4 children that we would be going away in summer for 2 weeks, abroad, using the money Shock we had literally decided that we would NOT be taking them abroad this year but would try for a UK break/camping so this was a surprise even to me!

For us to go away for 2 weeks the cost would be at least double what he won, maybe more, then there would be spending money on top. 2 weeks, 2 adults and 4 children I would imagine this would be fairly significant.

Now here’s the thing - I just can’t afford to pay half of the remainder of the holiday cost and half the spending money. I’m just about getting on my feet financially (paying off a large debt) and when he would be intending on us going away is just when I’d be about straight, we moved in together last year - long story short me moving in hasn’t been the reason I can pay debts off, I’ve bettered my job. I don’t want another few months of paying off additional debts.

Apparently I’m being really negative. So here’s the thing - AIBU??

You lost me at ‘my half’. If he has chosen that you will all go abroad with his winnings- he sorts it, especially if you can’t afford it and are prioritising paying off debt.

Asking you to pay for half of something he has decided is pretty miserly.

Are you 50/50 on everything….?

Tal45 · 02/02/2022 18:34

Surely if he's announced this without running it by you then he needs to work out how HE is going to pay for it all.

FloBot7 · 02/02/2022 18:35

I've gone on package holidays that cost a fraction of a holiday in the U.K. DH and I had an all inclusive holiday in Marsa Alam in Egypt for £600 for 10 days through a deal on Tui. The only money we spent was for him to do some diving and some tips at the end of the holiday. Also £40 for the airport parking using Purple Parking.

I don't like diving so brought a snorkel and went out snorkelling everyday for free. The coral reef was just a few metres away. The food was lovely too.

By comparison, we spent £1000 for a week in the Lake District. Just food and drinks, no real activities.

Lincslady53 · 02/02/2022 18:36

Have a look at Eurocamps. Kids will love it, tents already pitched, some good sites in France within driving distance.

Original poster
Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 18:36

Should have mentioned this earlier - all 4 children are going abroad with their other parents this year - hence why us not being able to afford it hadn’t been so much of an issue and all of them had been happy with us going away next year on a dream holiday. 12 months of us saving up for it and we would have more than enough

Weekend away we had budgeted around £500-600 max with minimal spends - which was purely because I was having one month off paying additional payments to my debt

Neither of us can afford to put money away towards a holiday this year - he appears to be under the impression that the amount he won would cover the entire cost of it! From my calculations looking at holidays previously for us all, we would need at least treble what he won - so it’s not a case of him prioritising a weekend away over a family holiday - we don’t have family holiday money! Sad

OP posts:
ChardonnaysPetDragon · 02/02/2022 18:37

If you can't afford a holiday you don't on that holiday. Why are people getting in debt for two weeks of a holiday they will most likely spend arguing anyway?

SeasonFinale · 02/02/2022 18:38

He will need to find the difference or make a simular announcement to the kids that actually he can't afford it after all.

Onthefloor2 · 02/02/2022 18:39

The weekend kid free sounds better, I’d be upset at that not happening let alone him putting me in more debt without my say so

RealBecca · 02/02/2022 18:43

Just leaves him to it. Let him find a holiday in budget that doesnt exceed what you agreed to pay as a share.

Original poster
Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 18:45

I think I’m just furious that it wasn’t discussed with me at all - just announced. Financially it’s a decision that involves me - and it’s just not something I can afford.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 02/02/2022 18:46

Yes let him find something - I imagine he might be able to find a week somewhere at least.

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