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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t afford holiday

82 replies

Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 17:53

Me and DP have been talking about going away for a long weekend for a while now - just us, no kids - on a weekend where we wouldnt have the kids - vaguely committing to various locations in Europe as we have both travelled very little but we just hadn’t had time to decide.

We had also been intending on saving up to take the kids away next year - both respectively have 2 each - planning an expensive trip, splitting the cost between us.

Anyway - DP recently won some money, quite a decent sum, enough for him and myself to go on our long weekend away including spending money

Without even mentioning it to me - he announced to our 4 children that we would be going away in summer for 2 weeks, abroad, using the money Shock we had literally decided that we would NOT be taking them abroad this year but would try for a UK break/camping so this was a surprise even to me!

For us to go away for 2 weeks the cost would be at least double what he won, maybe more, then there would be spending money on top. 2 weeks, 2 adults and 4 children I would imagine this would be fairly significant.

Now here’s the thing - I just can’t afford to pay half of the remainder of the holiday cost and half the spending money. I’m just about getting on my feet financially (paying off a large debt) and when he would be intending on us going away is just when I’d be about straight, we moved in together last year - long story short me moving in hasn’t been the reason I can pay debts off, I’ve bettered my job. I don’t want another few months of paying off additional debts.

Apparently I’m being really negative. So here’s the thing - AIBU??

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 02/02/2022 20:34

Sorry but I think it’s lovely that he thought of you all as a family, if the kids aren’t his.

Readycamp is brilliant. You’d have change from £500.

Original poster
Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 20:35

@CannelloniMacaroni

Should have mentioned this earlier - all 4 children are going abroad with their other parents this year - hence why us not being able to afford it hadn’t been so much of an issue and all of them had been happy with us going away next year on a dream holiday. 12 months of us saving up for it and we would have more than enough

How can you have more than enough, if your partner is in debt?

We are saving up together - so far we have only established my side of the savings though. I’ve offered to look at his finances and work out what he could put to one side each month. Certainly it has been established that it will be 50/50 on the holiday next year - just an additional unplanned holiday is a massive blow - even to the holiday next year!
OP posts:
CannelloniMacaroni · 02/02/2022 20:36

Absolutely. We haven’t been together all that long really and we live together. I’m forever being told of all the lovely trips he had with his ex wife, just them. Is it really so unreasonable that we wouldn’t have some memories like this too? It’s relationship building - and god knows a lot of us need it after such a shit time with lockdowns.

You haven’t been together long. You are in debt. You can’t go on a ’dream holiday’. Or a weekend away. Don’t blame lockdown, it’s been shit for most people. You are full of excuses. Pay your debts and save up.

Original poster
Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 20:37

@MrsSkylerWhite

Sorry but I think it’s lovely that he thought of you all as a family, if the kids aren’t his.

Readycamp is brilliant. You’d have change from £500.

We have 2 kids each - hence why we split costs.

It really was a lovely thought - but financially he hasn’t thought about it at all

I’d love a holiday all of us this year but we just can’t afford it - even with his winnings

OP posts:
CannelloniMacaroni · 02/02/2022 20:38

@Dogmummy1980 you seriously need to backtrack on his plans (made without you but paid by you).

Original poster
Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 20:40

@CannelloniMacaroni

Absolutely. We haven’t been together all that long really and we live together. I’m forever being told of all the lovely trips he had with his ex wife, just them. Is it really so unreasonable that we wouldn’t have some memories like this too? It’s relationship building - and god knows a lot of us need it after such a shit time with lockdowns.

You haven’t been together long. You are in debt. You can’t go on a ’dream holiday’. Or a weekend away. Don’t blame lockdown, it’s been shit for most people. You are full of excuses. Pay your debts and save up.

Have you not read any of my comments? I pay additional money towards my debt each month - I actually pay 4 times the minimum payment if you must know. So for me to have one month where I pay just the minimum payment isn’t going to make a hell of a lot of difference long term

My debts will be paid off in summer this year - 12 months on we would have proper family holiday money - in fact I’d have around £12k in an account - so we would indeed be able to afford the holiday we have planned

Before you jump down someone’s throat - please establish your facts

OP posts:
Gardengates · 02/02/2022 20:44

If DH announced a holiday to the kids when he only had half the money I would be livid.

That you are a blended family is worse because there are the obvious complications about disappointing the children.

I think his decision to unilaterally spend the money and make the announcement without consulting you is him pandering to his ego because his ex is taking his kids away this summer and he can't afford to.

3WildOnes · 02/02/2022 20:53

How much has he actually won?
Maybe you could do a week away?

sanbeiji · 02/02/2022 20:54

@Aprilx

Your partner should not have done that. But equally I am perplexed as to why, having just got out of debt and clearly having very little cash to spare to do anything with your children, you can afford to spend £600 (be it from savings, winnings or whatever) on a weekend away with your partner. Shocked really.
Why SHOULDN'T she spend the money on herself? The children aren't bothered by the looks of it and have other parents to take them abroad. Are people supposed to sacrifice everything for their children?
sanbeiji · 02/02/2022 20:56

Also OP is nobody sensible appears over the next day or so you might want to just leave it. Everyone's intent on jumping down your throat for some reason

Original poster
Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 20:57

@Gardengates

If DH announced a holiday to the kids when he only had half the money I would be livid.

That you are a blended family is worse because there are the obvious complications about disappointing the children.

I think his decision to unilaterally spend the money and make the announcement without consulting you is him pandering to his ego because his ex is taking his kids away this summer and he can't afford to.

Exactly this!

I couldn’t give a toss that my ex is taking our kids away this year - it’s about time as he has never taken them away since we split up and I genuinely hope they have a fab time! I’ve even offered to ensure the kids have all they need clothing wise

With him though yes I think his ego has come into it - his ex is taking them away with her new partner

The only children disappointed here will be his I’m afraid - as my kids are completely supportive of my decision to pay debts off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 20:58

@3WildOnes

How much has he actually won? Maybe you could do a week away?
He’s actually refusing a week away - insisting it must be 2 weeks.

With my ex - my DCs dad - we only ever had 10 days away at a time because we couldn’t afford 2 weeks

OP posts:
camperqueen54 · 02/02/2022 20:59

He sounds a bit like a chuff! Why just announce it without discussing it!

Original poster
Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 21:01

Thank you - it’s one month I am not making additional payments towards my debts. I’ve sacrificed a lot to get to where I am now - looking forward to a few nights away in a nice hotel and new surroundings and just pushing myself back one month - why is this such an issue??

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 02/02/2022 21:01

How much needs to be gambled to win enough for a holiday?

Might be worth trying to address that tbh.

Original poster
Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 21:03

@camperqueen54

He sounds a bit like a chuff! Why just announce it without discussing it!
Genuinely I sat for a good few minutes with my head in my hands at my home desk digesting it. He came to greet me around 5 minutes later and asked what was up with me - I must still have had the face of thunder!!! Grin

See I can’t get why a ‘we are not having a family holiday this year and save up for next year’ suddenly turned into ‘oooh I will announce we are having a family holiday without discussing it with my OH’ ?? I mean - wtaf

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 02/02/2022 21:03

He sounds annoying tbh.

Original poster
Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 21:09

@topcat2014

How much needs to be gambled to win enough for a holiday?

Might be worth trying to address that tbh.

It was a raffle with a cash alternative - he took the cash
OP posts:
Fireflygal · 02/02/2022 21:09

How much did he win? Without knowing the amount its hard to say if he is clueless on holiday costs.

autienotnaughty · 02/02/2022 21:14

It depends how much he won. I would estimate 6 people 2 weeks abroad. 3k minimum (including spends)

Thelnebriati · 02/02/2022 21:19

Don't get involved, let him sort out booking and paying. And if he wants to back track let him take responsibility, not make you out to be the bad guy.

Original poster
Dogmummy1980 · 02/02/2022 21:22

He won £1500 - and is under the impression this will pay for 6 people for 2 weeks.

Tbf I had a holiday around 3 years ago that was £1600 for 4 people for 1 week - in summer holidays. Our spending money for that week was around £1k

Him understanding that this won’t cover 6 people for 2 weeks in summer holidays is my problem!!!

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 02/02/2022 21:24

It isnt, if you let him do the booking and pay for it. Because he won't. Let him look up holidays himself and stop trying to fix it!

Pembertonrd · 02/02/2022 21:24

You’ll have to resell it as an even better holiday next year.
Tell the kids to start planning for 2023.
Much of the holiday excitement is in the preparation.

Summerof74 · 02/02/2022 21:27

As OP said the kids are going on holiday with their other parent so not missing out! They are going next year with OP and her partner so that is fair. Take it in turns!

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