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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that school should offer lunch time detentions?

1000 replies

ljs22 · 02/02/2022 14:40

Regular poster, NC for this post,

Firstly, I completely agree with the concept of detentions. If my dd (15) has done something wrong, she needs to be punished. That's fine. Thankfully she doesn't get them often - just the occasional one, usually for not doing homework on time.

But (here's the AIBU). After school detentions mean that she misses the school coach, which I pay £60 a month for to bring her home. I work 4 days a week and my partner works long and unpredictable shifts, so we are invariably not available to collect her when she has an after school detention. We have no family locally who can help out.

We also live a 40 min drive away from the school and public transport is a pain as we are in the back end of nowhere and she'd need to get 2 (sometimes 3) buses, one of which runs only every hour, so if she misses that she has a really long wait. Hence why I pay for the coach in the first place as it brings her right to the street we live on.

I've been informed today by email that she's been given an hour detention tomorrow for not doing homework. I've contacted the school to request a lunch time one instead in the circumstances.

But .. AIBU to request this? I'm not sure if I am or not, but I honestly don't know what to do. I can't take time off work to collect her from school, neither can my partner, and I don't want her stranded for ages waiting for buses either when I pay a company to bring her home for precisely that reason.

OP posts:
Pixxie7 · 02/02/2022 18:26

I see your point but your DD knows the consequences of not doing homework so let her make her own way home hopefully she will learn. Another option could be getting her to cycle home she isn’t going to learn while you protect her.

Cynderella · 02/02/2022 18:27

In my last school, we gave lunchtime detentions until it became ridiculous - some kids were 'booked up' every day. When we moved to after school detentions, we had parents complaining, but the head stood firm. Within half a term, detentions were a rarity.

For homework, students always had at least two nights to complete it and usually more, so that they could see the teacher in a lesson or at break if they needed help. Most schools offer some sort of homework support at lunchtimes.

I wouldn't support a detention where it was unsafe for a child to travel home, but it's up to parents to arrange transport, however inconvenient. Most schools I've taught in will always rearrange to another day if parents genuinely cannot arrange anything for the day specified.

FrippEnos · 02/02/2022 18:28

Staryflight445

My arguments are safety based.

Some of them are, and some really let you down (IMO)

And the school has changed the detention to suit the OP

Staryflight445 · 02/02/2022 18:29

‘ Pixxie7

I see your point but your DD knows the consequences of not doing homework so let her make her own way home hopefully she will learn. Another option could be getting her to cycle home she isn’t going to learn while you protect her.’

So you’d happily put your child in an unsafe situation just to prove a point? @Pixxie7
It’s not much of a point made is it if something happened to her.

SGBK4682 · 02/02/2022 18:30

Does she have pocket money? Use it to pay for a cab to take her home. If not, say she can't have x (whatever she wants) as you had to pay for the cab.

MissMaple82 · 02/02/2022 18:30

YABU massively so! Firstly, she wouldn't get an hours detention at dinner and secondly, why do you think the teachers don't deserve a lunch break? This is an inconvenience to you but it's your child that's creating it. That's your responsibility, talk to your child

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 02/02/2022 18:31

If anyone wonders why there's a lack of teachers in the UK - just read this thread.

Anyone fancy teaching kids with parents like OP?

Weareallvirgins · 02/02/2022 18:31

Shes 15 not 5. Sure she will survive. Waiting for buses isnt that bad. As for lunchtime detentions.... Really.... Teachers eat you no.

MissMaple82 · 02/02/2022 18:31

Also, if they did do this for you, they would have to offer it for all pupils. She needs to do the after school ones like everyone else

Pumperthepumper · 02/02/2022 18:31

@NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy

If anyone wonders why there's a lack of teachers in the UK - just read this thread.

Anyone fancy teaching kids with parents like OP?

I’m a teacher and I agree with the OP. Detentions are a waste of time.
trunktoes · 02/02/2022 18:32

I'm with you OP - even with public transport we are down a country lane about half an hours walk from the bus stop with no pavements so it's completely impractical to do an after school detention. My DD had one recently and I asked them to Change to lunch time which they did

MissMaple82 · 02/02/2022 18:33

FYI schools don't need a parents consent. They can enforce detentions

SmellyWellyWoo · 02/02/2022 18:34

Taxi home and it can be deducted from her spending money.

Clymene · 02/02/2022 18:35

So why does it affect you if she has to get 3 buses home? She's 15!

Weareallvirgins · 02/02/2022 18:35

Also if you or your husband work long hours etc why have kids if they a inconvienience..... Baffles me

izzywizzywont · 02/02/2022 18:36

wow, i think the op has had the patience of a saint responding to all these posters who obviously 'dont get it'.
ljs22 we live in a very similar type of place, extremely rural, no buses other than once a week on a saturday, there is no way my teenagers would ever be allowed to travel home alone in the dark like that. its just not worth the risk for a 15 year old girl on her own in the dark somewhere very rural. i think most of these posters must live in towns or places with public transport where the detention would just be an inconvenience not a risk to life.
you have explained yourself so clearly and i think a lot of people either dont read what youve put or just have have their own agenda. i would definitely contact the school and ask why one unfinished question due to a lack of understanding is worth an afterschool detention.

Pumperthepumper · 02/02/2022 18:36

@Weareallvirgins

Also if you or your husband work long hours etc why have kids if they a inconvienience..... Baffles me
Wtf?
Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 18:37

@izzywizzywont

wow, i think the op has had the patience of a saint responding to all these posters who obviously 'dont get it'. ljs22 we live in a very similar type of place, extremely rural, no buses other than once a week on a saturday, there is no way my teenagers would ever be allowed to travel home alone in the dark like that. its just not worth the risk for a 15 year old girl on her own in the dark somewhere very rural. i think most of these posters must live in towns or places with public transport where the detention would just be an inconvenience not a risk to life. you have explained yourself so clearly and i think a lot of people either dont read what youve put or just have have their own agenda. i would definitely contact the school and ask why one unfinished question due to a lack of understanding is worth an afterschool detention.
Thank you. I have to admit my patience is wearing a bit thin now though... Grin
OP posts:
DrPrincessFluffyToYou · 02/02/2022 18:38

I’m with you OP. I wouldn’t do that journey myself from your description, let alone my 15yo. I also think if your DD is telling the truth then the detention is ridiculous. Appropriate punishment for not attempting one question in homework is not potential death on a road. Lunchtime (if at all) would be far more reasonable.

I also don’t see how after school detentions are better for teachers than lunchtime to supervise?

blyn72 · 02/02/2022 18:38

We all know the answer here is for the op's daughter to do her homework and not be given detention. However I would not be happy at paying such a lot of money for a school coach which daughter is unable to use.

I'd write to the school and say that after school detention is not on because of the difficulties (& dangers), involved in coming home late, and they have to figure out some other sort of punishment for the girl. End of. Short of putting her in handcuffs, they cannot force her to stay behind after school.

Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 18:39

@NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy

If anyone wonders why there's a lack of teachers in the UK - just read this thread.

Anyone fancy teaching kids with parents like OP?

Oh this is a gem. Please do elaborate.

OP posts:
Staryflight445 · 02/02/2022 18:39

It’s 3 buses home after an hours detention, alone, in the dark @Clymene it’s also a 40 minute drive so I dread to think how long a bus would take.
Would you be happy with that for your 15 year old?

My hospital is an 8 minutes drive away, takes 55 minutes to get there on a bus.

Staryflight445 · 02/02/2022 18:39

How long would the buses take op? What time would she be looking at getting home?

Original poster
ljs22 · 02/02/2022 18:40

@DrPrincessFluffyToYou

I’m with you OP. I wouldn’t do that journey myself from your description, let alone my 15yo. I also think if your DD is telling the truth then the detention is ridiculous. Appropriate punishment for not attempting one question in homework is not potential death on a road. Lunchtime (if at all) would be far more reasonable.

I also don’t see how after school detentions are better for teachers than lunchtime to supervise?

I don't see how lunch time ones are worse for teachers, either. I'd have thought after school ones were, to be honest.

OP posts:
trumpisagit · 02/02/2022 18:40

I think you need to support the school with regards to the detention OP (not fight it).
Now you have sorted the transport issue, I can't see why you wouldn't support the school.
Your daughter didn't complete her h/w, and in the past hasn't bothered to do it at all.

DS1 (13 or 14 at the time) had a similar issue and was told he had an after school detention.
He had done a piece of h/w but it was the wrong page of the maths book.
I had a notification about the detention. He was horrified (always does his h/w).
He did the outstanding piece of h/w immediately, scanned it and emailed it to his teacher, with an apology.
She chose to cancel the detention.

If your daughter feels it is unfair she could try and do the h/w (better to give it a go than write nothing) and send an apology.

I can't understand why you are taking this on as your issue - it is between your daughter and the school. She is 15, not 5.

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