Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did he react like that?

100 replies

sicklycolleague · 02/02/2022 10:39

Went to a restaurant last night with a friend. We’ve been going for 6+ years, current manager has been there maybe 3. The service is always brusque but we just love the food.

They wanted to seat us in a tiny gap between two groups (my friend is v large) but they had two huge empty sharing tables and we asked to go at the end. They said no, they were saving them in case groups came in (you can’t book) and made a patronising comment about it being “some Chinese festival”, implying we’d never heard of Chinese New Year despite being in Chinatown. They said we could wait for an upstairs table and we agreed so went outside to wait. I then noticed the outside tables were unoccupied. It was mild out so I stuck my head back in and asked if that was an option. The manager laughed at me and said, “No, it’s winter” and at that point I said “OK, you don’t need to be so rude about it”. He then exploded and started yelling and told me to f*ck off and tried to shut the door on me. I was shocked and went outside to update my friend.

He followed me out to continue abusing me and telling me I’d ruined his day. We just wanted to spend money and eat in his restaurant! And after several minutes I told him to stop being a c-word, at which point he started dancing round gesturing at his crotch and saying he didn’t have one, but I did.

I have never been treated like that in my life and I’m honestly wondering why he just went off on one. I’m also really sad because we can never go back. AIBU for being shocked? Did I miss something?

OP posts:
murasaki · 02/02/2022 10:48

Was it wong kei? Famed for its comedy rude service!

KirstenBlest · 02/02/2022 10:51

Leave a review on Tripadvisor

Moonface88 · 02/02/2022 10:53

Reverse?

  1. You rejected the first table he offered. It's not his fault your friend is big. It's selfish to expect to take up a huge table for just two people when he might have to turn away a big group on a busy night.
  2. I would have laughed and said 'it's winter' when you suggested sitting outside. It wasn't rude of him.
  3. It sounds like you gave as good as you got. What, he should just let you verbally abuse him because you eat in there a lot? You think he should just be grateful of your repeat custom? I work in hospitality and encounter your attitude a lot. We don't get paid enough to put up with this shit, leave us alone!

Just do yourself - and him - a favour and don't go back there! You called someone the C word so I don't see how you think you can occupy the moral high ground 🤔

gokartdillydilly · 02/02/2022 10:54

Can't imagine why anyone would enjoy such horrible service. I experienced a place like that once. Never went back. So many other lovely places to eat at.

InisnaBro · 02/02/2022 10:56

@murasaki

Was it wong kei? Famed for its comedy rude service!
I thought it was supposed to have reformed these days? Grin
MichelleScarn · 02/02/2022 10:56

Your wanting to sit outside would make things more difficult when they hadn't planned staffing for this, logistics in keeping an eye on the table to make sure all ok/that people don't leave without paying/even carrying food/plates out are all added difficulties!

SilverHairedCat · 02/02/2022 10:58

Wong Kei was my first thought 😂 Old colleagues took me there a decade or two ago //cough\ promising me knives and plates flying through the air with lots of swearing and shouting.

I was most disappointed when nothing happened. Great food though.

Shamoo · 02/02/2022 10:59

Presumably @Moonface88 is the man in question!

D0lphine · 02/02/2022 11:03

Servers are just humans. You got bad service because you were a little difficult and he was probably having a rough day.

You called him a c- so you're both in the wrong really.

Don't go back. Spend your money elsewhere

Lou98 · 02/02/2022 11:05

Surely joking?

  1. They said they would wait for another table - there's nothing wrong with that, they asked about the other two tables, didn't demand them.
  1. Of course it's rude to laugh - fair enough they don't use the tables outside in winter, that's normal but all he had to say was "we don't use them in winter" - no need to laugh at someone
  1. In what way did she verbally abuse him before he started? Going by what she's said here all she said was he didn't need to be rude (which he definitely was) - then he went off on one, following her outside when she left. She's supposed to take his abuse without saying anything? Give over.

I've also worked in hospitality and would never have treated someone that way. Obviously none of us were there so won't know the full story but from going by what she's said here there's nothing to say she was rude to him before he started

Lou98 · 02/02/2022 11:05

^ was meant to quote @Moonface88

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/02/2022 11:13

I used to work in hospitality too and tbh, we all have shit days and I think every server has been called rude or called out for rudeness at least once.
The usual response is to apologise and try and reassess the situation or offer to get someone else to deal with customer. Sounds like he was straight away on the defensive so either you were ruder/more demanding than you thought or he was.
He definitely shouldn't have gone off on you or followed you but you also shouldn't have called him a cunt. Now even if you did complain they'd be less likely to take you seriously.

madisonbridges · 02/02/2022 11:17

Yeah, I don't think you did anything wrong. If they gave you a table you didn't like, you shouldn't take it and you should ask to move. You asked if you could eat outside. Why not? If you want to smoke, you have to go outside. Nothing wrong in asking. It's difficult to tell his tone, but you were there and if you thought he was rude, you should challenge him.
I've worked in hospitality and I would always try to accommodate guests. Servers who think that you should just shut up and accept whatever they're offering, are not cut out for the hospitality industry. Clue's in the word.

madisonbridges · 02/02/2022 11:19

But I'm also going to add that using the c word is disgusting. And I'd ban you from coming back for that. Definitely.

Justcallmebebes · 02/02/2022 11:20

No he was very rude. I would take my custom elsewhere in future if I were you

Kelly7889 · 02/02/2022 11:21

You call someone working in a restaurant a " cunt"? and you are grumbling about your treatment? You are an absolute disgrace, and be careful who you call a "cunt". In your little bubble you might get away with it, but eventually, in the real world, you will get punched out cold for using that word.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 02/02/2022 11:23

yabu - I have no sympathy for anyone who uses the c word towards a other person... especially at work.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/02/2022 11:26

@Kelly7889

You call someone working in a restaurant a " cunt"? and you are grumbling about your treatment? You are an absolute disgrace, and be careful who you call a "cunt". In your little bubble you might get away with it, but eventually, in the real world, you will get punched out cold for using that word.
Bit of a stretch??
Hugasauras · 02/02/2022 11:35

There are a few places where bad service/flamboyantly rude owners/staff are part of the shtick. Maybe this is one!

MichelleScarn · 02/02/2022 11:37

@Justcallmebebes

No he was very rude. I would take my custom elsewhere in future if I were you
I don't think the restaurant would be that bothered about this, and I don't think they'd want her back anyway!
SilverHairedCat · 02/02/2022 11:40

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea no, not a stretch. Go to Portsmouth, call a local lass in a nightclub a "dinlo" and see what happens to you.

I'm fat, I'm usually happy to sit anywhere unless the seats look like they will collapse under my size 22 arse. You drew attention to her / him and I'd be so embarrassed by your behaviour at all stages of this.

HeadToToesNo · 02/02/2022 11:40

I think both of you were rude. Everyone has bad days and we are all human. Take a big breath and move on.

And stop calling people cunts.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 02/02/2022 11:41

Kinda did yourself out of any sympathy by using the C word. It's not big, it's not clever and it doesn't make you look hard.

Although me and DH went to Chinatown London and went into one restaurant and were physically manhandled out with shouts of "no no no too busy go away go away!"

So odd!

Toanewstart22 · 02/02/2022 11:42

That is quite an imagination you have OP

MorningStarling · 02/02/2022 11:44

We’ve been going for 6+ years, current manager has been there maybe 3. The service is always brusque but we just love the food.

There's your problem. Food good or not, if you go back to somewhere where the "service is always brusque" don't be surprised if you get treated shoddily.

If the staff are impolite, I won't go back to a place, regardless of how good the food was. If service was slow, I might give them the benefit of the doubt if the staff were polite.