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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did he react like that?

100 replies

sicklycolleague · 02/02/2022 10:39

Went to a restaurant last night with a friend. We’ve been going for 6+ years, current manager has been there maybe 3. The service is always brusque but we just love the food.

They wanted to seat us in a tiny gap between two groups (my friend is v large) but they had two huge empty sharing tables and we asked to go at the end. They said no, they were saving them in case groups came in (you can’t book) and made a patronising comment about it being “some Chinese festival”, implying we’d never heard of Chinese New Year despite being in Chinatown. They said we could wait for an upstairs table and we agreed so went outside to wait. I then noticed the outside tables were unoccupied. It was mild out so I stuck my head back in and asked if that was an option. The manager laughed at me and said, “No, it’s winter” and at that point I said “OK, you don’t need to be so rude about it”. He then exploded and started yelling and told me to f*ck off and tried to shut the door on me. I was shocked and went outside to update my friend.

He followed me out to continue abusing me and telling me I’d ruined his day. We just wanted to spend money and eat in his restaurant! And after several minutes I told him to stop being a c-word, at which point he started dancing round gesturing at his crotch and saying he didn’t have one, but I did.

I have never been treated like that in my life and I’m honestly wondering why he just went off on one. I’m also really sad because we can never go back. AIBU for being shocked? Did I miss something?

OP posts:
FlippityFlippityFlop · 02/02/2022 11:45

He told her to f* off and followed her outside to continue abusing her BEFORE she used the c word. I'm not condoning using the word, but it's not like she was the first to throw the insults.

The waiter sounds unhinged!

SartresSoul · 02/02/2022 11:48

To PP’s berating OP for calling him a cunt, he was shouting and swearing at her before this and purely because she’d asked whether they could use the tables outside which is a reasonable request. I think the word cunt was justified, he was acting like a total cunt.

Take your money elsewhere in future OP and leave a negative review on trip advisor.

ShaneTwane · 02/02/2022 11:49

I think we found the restaurant owner and his family on this thread Grin

Original poster
sicklycolleague · 02/02/2022 12:02

@Moonface88, we didn’t want to take a whole big table, we wanted part of a sharing table (they are all sharing tables) where my friend could sit comfortably in a corner without sitting on our neighbours. The tables seat eight. And it was my friend refusing to sit there, I would’ve been fine. He’s not precious about being big, he’s 6’4 and also quite wide so didn’t want to ruin it for the two couples either side of us or be uncomfortable

OP posts:
stripeyflowers · 02/02/2022 12:04

It's awful, rude and unnecessary that you called him a C.

I would never let you back into my restaurant again tbh.

Original poster
sicklycolleague · 02/02/2022 12:05

Also intrigued that people think it’s fine for me to be verbally abused ad nauseam and followed out of a restaurant to be abused in the street but that I’m supposed to wear that without being even a bit rude back Hmm

OP posts:
HelloFrostyMorning · 02/02/2022 12:06

@Kelly7889

You call someone working in a restaurant a " cunt"? and you are grumbling about your treatment? You are an absolute disgrace, and be careful who you call a "cunt". In your little bubble you might get away with it, but eventually, in the real world, you will get punched out cold for using that word.
This. ^

That's if any of this actually happened.

@sicklycolleague Of course YABU! Hmm

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/02/2022 12:07

[quote SilverHairedCat]@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea no, not a stretch. Go to Portsmouth, call a local lass in a nightclub a "dinlo" and see what happens to you.

I'm fat, I'm usually happy to sit anywhere unless the seats look like they will collapse under my size 22 arse. You drew attention to her / him and I'd be so embarrassed by your behaviour at all stages of this.[/quote]
Up here you call someone a cunt they'll just call you one back

Sittingonabench · 02/02/2022 12:07

That’s such a shame. He was definitely out of line, as were you but it does put a dampener on the celebration element of new year. I wouldn’t go back there but would try in your mind to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was having a stressful day due to CNY and you got the brunt of it. I don’t think you were being difficult at all just wanting to be comfortable.

HelloFrostyMorning · 02/02/2022 12:08

@sicklycolleague

Also intrigued that people think it’s fine for me to be verbally abused ad nauseam and followed out of a restaurant to be abused in the street but that I’m supposed to wear that without being even a bit rude back Hmm
Calling someone trying to serve you in a restaurant a CUNT (just because you didn't get your own way,) is not being a bit rude. You were vile.

Get a grip. I hope they have banned you.

Original poster
sicklycolleague · 02/02/2022 12:09

I had left the restaurant already @HelloFrostyMorning. He’d made no attempt to serve me and had followed me out of the restaurant to swear at me. Did you read?!

OP posts:
Original poster
sicklycolleague · 02/02/2022 12:15

For all those asking also, no it wasn’t Wong Kei - actually wasn’t even a Chinese restaurant

OP posts:
Aprilx · 02/02/2022 12:23

I think you started the trouble, telling you that some tables are not in use as it is winter is not being rude. I cannot imagine speaking to somebody like that. Equally, I have never come across restaurant staff reacting like that either, but you were also abusive and rude. Don’t go back, they won’t want you back. Best for both parties that you find somewhere else to eat.

KeepYaHeadUp · 02/02/2022 12:26

@Moonface88

Reverse?
  1. You rejected the first table he offered. It's not his fault your friend is big. It's selfish to expect to take up a huge table for just two people when he might have to turn away a big group on a busy night.
  2. I would have laughed and said 'it's winter' when you suggested sitting outside. It wasn't rude of him.
  3. It sounds like you gave as good as you got. What, he should just let you verbally abuse him because you eat in there a lot? You think he should just be grateful of your repeat custom? I work in hospitality and encounter your attitude a lot. We don't get paid enough to put up with this shit, leave us alone!

Just do yourself - and him - a favour and don't go back there! You called someone the C word so I don't see how you think you can occupy the moral high ground 🤔

Rude restaurant manager? Is that you?
LonelyInAutumn · 02/02/2022 12:26

Seems like everyones just skimming over the fact that the manager started the verbal abuse first. From what I've read, it doesn't sound like OP was demanding for anything, just asking questions. Yikes.

KeepYaHeadUp · 02/02/2022 12:27

@MichelleScarn

Your wanting to sit outside would make things more difficult when they hadn't planned staffing for this, logistics in keeping an eye on the table to make sure all ok/that people don't leave without paying/even carrying food/plates out are all added difficulties!
Then why have tables outside? It's almost as though they don't know they're offering a service which the OP will pay for! They're not doing it for free.
IncompleteSenten · 02/02/2022 12:29

@LonelyInAutumn

Seems like everyones just skimming over the fact that the manager started the verbal abuse first. From what I've read, it doesn't sound like OP was demanding for anything, just asking questions. Yikes.
I was thinking the same. She asked politely, he was rude, she told him he didn't need to be rude then he started effing and blinding at her and somehow she's the one who started it? 🙄 I'd have called him a cunt if he'd kicked off like that at me too!
KatherineJaneway · 02/02/2022 12:30

Then why have tables outside?

For smokers to sit on?

3scape · 02/02/2022 12:30

It's the start of spring though. ... Isn't that the point of the lunar new year. Wink

KeepYaHeadUp · 02/02/2022 12:31

@KatherineJaneway

Then why have tables outside?

For smokers to sit on?

As opposed to chairs?
KatherineJaneway · 02/02/2022 12:32

As opposed to chairs?

Tables to put drinks on, ashtrays?

CornishGem1975 · 02/02/2022 12:41

He acted like a cunt which is why he got called one. Just because you work in a restaurant doesn't mean you have a god-given right to treat people like shit. Pissed on power.

Thatsplentyjack · 02/02/2022 12:41

Honestly people are so precious about the qord cunt on here. Meanwhile its fine for the owner of the restaurant to verbally abuse a customer 🤣 the crazy on mumsnet never cease to amaze me. YANBU OP. It's perfectly fine to ask for a different take in a restaurant, it's perfectly fine to ask if you could sit outside. He sounds as nuts as some people on here.

Thatsplentyjack · 02/02/2022 12:41

Table, not take

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 02/02/2022 12:42

@SartresSoul

To PP’s berating OP for calling him a cunt, he was shouting and swearing at her before this and purely because she’d asked whether they could use the tables outside which is a reasonable request. I think the word cunt was justified, he was acting like a total cunt.

Take your money elsewhere in future OP and leave a negative review on trip advisor.

The word is never justified. It's disgusting and you need to be pretty low to use it.