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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay upstairs whilst DH gets kids ready for school because I have covid?

123 replies

waitinginthecar · 02/02/2022 08:12

DH is fuming at me because I've stayed in bedroom whilst he has been getting kids ready for school. I'm asymptomatic but snotty in the mornings. My reasoning is that I don't want to breathe covid over the kids. He's just called me a dick for not coming down to help, asking "are you ill?" My response is "no, but as I have covid I don't want to breathe it on the kids".
I haven't been able to isolate fully so have been around after school and teatime but I haven't been in their rooms so DH has been putting them to bed. AIBU to not go down and help this morning?

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 02/02/2022 10:35

Limiting contact can help, that is what you are meant to do if you are positive in a household.

Can’t limit it completely but reduce it.

WindyState · 02/02/2022 10:35

@waitinginthecar

I do breakfast and make packed lunches and get uniform out 7-7:30, them I get ready. then husband comes down to ensure they get dressed, wash, teeth. I take them to school on way to work at 8:15
So really you are avoiding about 10 minutes of contact?

You do need to work out a fair way of splitting the work and DH not pulling his weight is an issue, but don't pretend that by cutting down your contact with the kids has anything to do with reducing the risk of passing a virus onto your kids.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 02/02/2022 10:37

@waitinginthecar

I do breakfast and make packed lunches and get uniform out 7-7:30, them I get ready. then husband comes down to ensure they get dressed, wash, teeth. I take them to school on way to work at 8:15
  • Breakfast, packed lunch and uniform can be prepped the night before, by either of you.
  • It sounds like your husband is accustomed to doing nothing in the morning (coming down later than you and ‘ensuring’ they wash and get dressed is barely a task), and is kicking off because he has to actually do some parenting. Do not accept this.
  • Do not accept being called names by your partner.
grapewine · 02/02/2022 10:37

YABU although he's not coming up roses calling you names.

OopsadayZ · 02/02/2022 10:39

@Theunamedcat

It's two children not a pack of raptors

who normally does it?

😂 quote of the day! @Theunamedcat
NYnewstart · 02/02/2022 10:40

You’d have thought he’d be wanting to reduce risk as much as possible if he saw how ill his kids were before!

PurpleDaisies · 02/02/2022 10:42

@NYnewstart

You’d have thought he’d be wanting to reduce risk as much as possible if he saw how ill his kids were before!
Or he is totally bemused by the op’s logic that she can’t make a packed lunch, breakfast or get a uniform ready without breathing all over the kids but making tea is fine.
toomuchlaundry · 02/02/2022 10:44

I assume it is more he doesn’t want to make breakfast or packed lunch as he usually has an easy deal in the morning

PurpleDaisies · 02/02/2022 10:45

@toomuchlaundry

I assume it is more he doesn’t want to make breakfast or packed lunch as he usually has an easy deal in the morning
That’s a perfectly reasonable discussion for the op to have with him but saying it’s to reduce covid risk doesn’t really make much sense and it won’t help her change things long term.
MajesticallyAwkward · 02/02/2022 10:58

YABU, either you're isolating or you're not. Unless you're making meals in full PPE and never in the room with them then you're breathing on your dc and their food.

I can see why your dh would be frustrated with you picking and choosing when you're contagious.

I also have covid, not asymptomatic but very mild and with 2 young DC can't isolate. We carry on as normal around the house but DH is doing school and nursery runs. Getting them dressed is somewhat like hearding a pack of raptors- the little one especially has sharp teeth and a penchant for biting 😬

CandyLeBonBon · 02/02/2022 11:03

@SartresSoul

I’d think you were a dickhead too. I had covid in December and I carried on as normal in the house. Breastfeeding my youngest so had no choice but to be close to him. It isn’t a big deal for most people, children in particular. It’s like a mild cold, I have honestly had much worse colds.
That's your experience. I've just caught it and I've been in bed for two days, feeling utterly shit. Newsflash! Not everyone experiences Covid the same!
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/02/2022 11:12

He is being unreasonable to make a big deal out of getting the children ready for school. (Although if they are young and need LFTs, I can see that being a 2 parent job if reluctant!)

Your isolation rules seem a bit odd though.

itispersonal · 02/02/2022 13:02

I don't think you are wrong to try and avoid direct face to face contact with them, but you could wear a mask, I suppose.

The young daughter (had) and I have had covid, showing negative today. The dp is sleeping downstairs to avoid very close contact and we are on separate sofas when together in the lounge, until we are both showing negative. We thought it was probably too late and he would catch it too, but working so far.

RantyAunty · 02/02/2022 13:03

Poor petal. How will he ever survive?

He needs to just get on with it so your can feel better. He can make tea also.
He's capable of doing these things for a few days, he just doesn't want to.

ChangingLife · 02/02/2022 13:30

@SartresSoul

I’d think you were a dickhead too. I had covid in December and I carried on as normal in the house. Breastfeeding my youngest so had no choice but to be close to him. It isn’t a big deal for most people, children in particular. It’s like a mild cold, I have honestly had much worse colds.
So is the OP still a dickhead for wanting to protect a child who nearly ended up in hospital then??

Just so you know, covid is not always just a bit of a cold.
That’s why £170k people died.
Some of them children.

But yes… the Op is a dickhead because a poor man couldn’t do what 90% of mothers do every single day. Dress their dcs and take them to school Hmm

Maybe raise your standards for fathers first.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/02/2022 13:34

Well you should be isolating all the time but if you're not then yes YABU

JustLyra · 02/02/2022 13:38

It's not bonkers to limit your contact with them.

Clearly he's in a huff because you usually do the bulk of the morning work.

Given your 5yo nearly ended up in hospital last time I'd find your DH's whinging and tantrumming spectacularly unattractive - if he's moaning about anything it should be wanting to you stay away from the kids more so they don't get sick.

Crunchymum · 02/02/2022 13:39

We couldn't fully isolate DC1 when he had it (and I know he is a child so its different) but the OP has more than explained her position.

She is limiting contact and pulling her weight.

Her DH works from home, he hasn't had to take time off and be inconvenienced in that respect.

Sounds like he is annoyed as he is being asked to do more than he usually does.

Rosiiiiie · 02/02/2022 13:42

I had covid and still did everything with my toddler. Just wear a mask and sanitise hands.

itsjustnotok · 02/02/2022 13:43

I’m isolating, I’m symptomatic. DH has looked after the children while I remain in our room. He’s slept downstairs and brings me food and drink. I leave the room for the bathroom and wear a mask. I don’t understand what the point is in you staying away in the morning if you see them in the afternoon? You’re either isolating or not.

TheWaterNokk · 02/02/2022 13:47

“Supervising” kids that age getting ready is a pain in the arse (in my house anyway). They’re generally well behaved kids but they are awkward as fuck in the morning. They don’t want to get ready. They want to lie around and ignore all instructions. Eat their breakfast as slowly as possible. Quibble about what they are wearing etc.

Not that either of us is incapable of doing it ourselves, but from where I’m standing I think it sounds like the husband is doing more of the morning routine (my absolutely least favourite time of the day) than the OP is.

Unless I’ve misunderstood.

Depends on the kids right enough.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 02/02/2022 13:52

Aw diddums. He can't get his own kids ready for school without you 🤔

I presume you don't require the betesticled parent to assist you on a normal day, and that you are more than capable of shepherding them yourself.

You're not isolating, as such, but you're keeping your distance as best you can.
He is being a prick.

Darkstar4855 · 02/02/2022 13:56

Covid is airborne so if you’re going downstairs before them and getting lunches, uniforms etc ready then you’re leaving the air full of covid for them anyway. So I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

Nidan2Sandan · 02/02/2022 13:57

Sounds like your husband is annoyed at having to actually get up and be a parent, and you are annoyed at not getting a peaceful lie in..

FWIW, your husband was being awful. He should be quite capable of sorting the kids. That said, you're not sick. You are still able to do your tasks as normal and it seems daft to partially isolate.

No excuse for calling you a dick.

Excited101 · 02/02/2022 14:07

I can’t understand these replies- limiting contact where possible makes total sense to me. It’s proven that the more time you spend with someone, the more likely it is that you pass it on. Year one and up should be getting themselves fully dressed anyway, packed lunches can always be done the night before if necessary. How much help does he give normally to the morning routine?