To ask if you are a 'housewife' with no children?

[crochetmonkey74]

I know the term housewife is outdated so first off apologies.
I've always wondered about this , I had a great aunt and uncle who never had children but she never worked. I've always been interested in how this would be (been a bit of a fantasy of mine)
Do any of you have this life ? What is it like?

I would love it. Why would I want to waste hours of my time using my brain on things that don’t interest me when I could be out walking the dogs in the countryside, making my home beautiful, reading, meeting friends, painting, exercising?

@KarenTheGammonRemoaner the traditional set up was when houses took a lot of cleaning and shopping required visiting multiple shops, often daily. Cleaning and setting a fire in rooms, beating rugs as there is no hoover, growing your own veg, etc. Housework used to be far more difficult than it is today.

My other half and I have no kids. I didn't work for a year for various reasons and I fucking loved it! I was never bored. I took care of the house, but as previous posters said that's hardly taxing.

The rest of the time I went on super long runs and bike rides, went on day trips, read books and pissed about.

I really think I could do that forever but sadly finances do not permit.

Most people are aware of keeping their body active. But going for walks with the dog and bumbling around does not keep your brain active. It ages people this lifestyle. I see it in friends. Some in their late fifties seem much older than they are.

Keeping your body active has a knock on effect on keeping your brain active.

www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/daily-living/exercise/benefits

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I know several women in this situation. They are childless by choice, married to high earning men and wouldn’t dream of doing any sort of work. They don’t volunteer, do charity work, fundraising, nothing. They also have cleaners and gardeners. What they do is shop, coffee, lunch, plan holidays, walk the dog. They’ve always got a home improvement project on the go, or are moving house. They seem to fill their time very nicely and have lovely, enviable lives.

What do they talk about though with so few interests?

@AllThePogs If you require either paid employment or children to ‘keep mind and body active’, then I’m afraid that you rather lack imagination. There is considerably more to life and I think it’s rather sad that all you can come up with is ‘walking the dog’.

@JosephineDeBeauharnais

I know several women in this situation. They are childless by choice, married to high earning men and wouldn’t dream of doing any sort of work. They don’t volunteer, do charity work, fundraising, nothing. They also have cleaners and gardeners. What they do is shop, coffee, lunch, plan holidays, walk the dog. They’ve always got a home improvement project on the go, or are moving house. They seem to fill their time very nicely and have lovely, enviable lives.

I think a life filled with that sounds incredibly boring, self-centred and frankly selfish. I simply couldn't be friends with such people. And I know plenty of men who end up leaving such women because they are so bloody boring. And because they realise they have simply been living off someone like a parasite. To do no volunteering in such a position is revolting

@CounsellorTroi I know it has. But I am not talking about alzheimers here, but just people acting and coming across as very old before their time.

@chocciechocface

But actually all this talk of being bored is so unimaginative and patronising.

Totally this. Why does anyone think listening to someone blether on about their job, their career, how much money they make, or whether they're falling out with their boss is interesting to others?

You're making a very sweeping statement about people who work here. Do all the women you know who work "blether on about their job"? Almost certainly not.

There are at least as many poisonous stereotypes about working people as there are about not working people and its worth taking a step back to remember that not everyone sits in these neatly defined boxes. Having a job doesn't confine you to living in a world straight out of 1980s power dressing central casting any more than being at home confines you to making jam and flower arranging.

But as a general observation, people who work or who have worked tend to develop a broader outlook on life. They are likely to have met a wider variety of different people, they are more likely to have travelled, they will have had to respond to different environments and use their brain in a variety of ways are, over time, likely to experience the world in a richer way than people whose entire lives are largely bounded by their house and garden.

I also think its important not to overlook the importance of having your own money and your own financial autonomy. However well set up you are and however good your relationship is with your spouse, if you spend your life entirely reliant on someone else's money your life is massively circumscribed.

I haven't worked for 15 years, having given up due to the relentless tread mill of work, childcare, housework, etc etc, whilst husband worked away all week. It was all just too stressful, weekends were shit, and we didn't benefit from my wage, as it all went on childcare.

I have loved being a "housewife". I spent a lot of time involving myself in school activities, one of "those mums" who volunteered for everything, fund raised, manned stalls at fairs, ran the 2nd hand uniform shop etc etc. I also spent 2 hours a day commuting back and forth between school drops offs. Including, I might say, taking other peoples kids to brownies and ballet etc etc Who would do that if not for us lot?

Last five years spent hours and hours and hours sorting out DM and her many problems. That was hell.

Now kids are at uni and left home, I am less busy in running around terms, but am enjoying just being me. Yesterday I spent 3 hours in the garden in the sunshine digging up shrubs and moving plants. It was wonderful.

But for plenty of women raising children is an excuse not to work.

Curious about this comment @CounsellorTroi - what sort of work are these women avoiding? Are the children well looked after? Do you have children yourself out of interest? I know some people hold the opinion that some women have children for the financial benefits but that doesn't seem to be what you are getting at?

What do they talk about though with so few interests?

I know people who work but have few interests outside of that other than going to the gym, shopping and socialising.

I could definitely fill my time although I don't know how much others would benefit! I'd be mega fit though.

That sounds awful because it's still a full-time job for me. The cats certainly don't help. Three meals a day could take all day in itself with the cleaning after. I do visit multiple shops lol, sometimes in same day. We don't have a fire but we have a garden which takes maintenance.

I suppose you are right about the comparison given I also work, educate, and get time to myself, but for me those things are all perfectly entitled within my "housewifey" role.

My husband works in care and is studying to be an accountant and he couldn't do any of the household stuff as he is often very tired.

I think if you had more than one child it would be 100% acceptable to be a full-time housewife.

You have to factor in downtime as you don't want to be permanently stressed and anxious.

[quote MeSanniesareBrannies]@AllThePogs If you require either paid employment or children to ‘keep mind and body active’, then I’m afraid that you rather lack imagination. There is considerably more to life and I think it’s rather sad that all you can come up with is ‘walking the dog’.[/quote]
Did you read my comment? I talked about a group of people who do retire and volunteer, study or take on other challenges. Of course you can have challenges without working.
But many on here fall into the category of saying they would walk the dog and go to cafes - and that will quickly age you.

But as a general observation, people who work or who have worked tend to develop a broader outlook on life. They are likely to have met a wider variety of different people, they are more likely to have travelled, they will have had to respond to different environments and use their brain in a variety of ways are, over time, likely to experience the world in a richer way than people whose entire lives are largely bounded by their house and garden

This is just such bullshit, I don't know where to start.

@CounsellorTroi

What do they talk about though with so few interests?

I know people who work but have few interests outside of that other than going to the gym, shopping and socialising.

Sure some people are boring.

@WonderfulYou

I would hate this! You are essentially a maid.

I would rather be in a position where we can both work PT and actually hire a maid and have hobbies and travel together.

There’s a big difference between having your partner pay for everything and say winning the lottery so you don’t have to work.

Do people not feel guilty that their partners are doing 40 hour+ weeks and they’re going for lunch!?

I’m not a maid, as I don’t do any housework. 😂 We have a lovely lady that comes in for that.

And, no, I don’t feel guilty. He works a fairly standard week, and is happy to support me. I think a lot of women commenting may be under the impression that every relationship has a similar dynamic to their own.

I'm a widow with one adult child who doesn't live with me. I do a few hours teaching mosaic making each week and always have a commission/project on the go. I'd happily do less! I reach state pension age next year and will quit all paid work then. Can't wait. What do I/will I do? Walk the dog including long walks. Go for coffee in my beloved cafes. Go on lots of bus ride based days out. Go and visit friends and family. Sea swim. Draw dance sing. Go to the cinema and theatre. Have people in my studio making stuff together. I won't clean cook or do housework because I barely do them now! Hate housework and am bored with cooking

I’m what would be classed as a house wife; my children are now aged 15 and 12. I had a high earning steer job before children and never would have considered the idea that I wouldn’t return to work after maternity leave. For me, as soon as I became a mother, and my husband (partner at the time and father of both children) and I calculated that we could scrape by on his income, then it was a no brainer for me to stay at home and be responsible for our child and the running of our home. It meant my husband could focus on his career and we are lucky that has paid off and we are now comfortable financially.

I’ve always been so grateful that we haven’t had to face the stresses of childcare; that I have the time to cook good food, be present and active in their life at school and be able to enjoy their primary school years t their fullest. Now the are at secondary I have found myself being asked more often if I will return to work but I have no intention. I still have a really active role in helping them to live their lives to the fullest - ferrying them to clubs after school, having their mate here after school and feeding them, dealing with their teenage angst and worries.

My house isn’t immaculate by any means but I am fortunate to be able to do things at whatever pace I want. I have the luxury of being able to say sod it if I want to. I am currently spending a lot of time on researching our family tree. I see mates, I love gardening, I love box sets. I volunteer, I cook, I read. I can see how my role could be done in many ways and that it could be really boring, but it isn’t how I would describe my existence.

Occasionally I do have my moments where I feel like I am bottom of the pile because I am everyone’s physical and emotional support, but it’s the life I have chosen and I know I’m essential to our family living happy, healthy and fulfilled lives, and I never got that satisfaction when I was earning 50k in my early 20s.

I do think the attitude to non-paid work in our culture is pretty one dimensional, evoking ideas of pampered women sat having their nails done. This must be tied in with the the fact that women are historically associated with stay at home roles and therefore if it’s a woman’s role it must be somehow less valuable. I find it quite offensive.

You would have the whole day free if your DH was at work. Better than having three under fives at home. That would be my idea of hell. So each to her own I suppose.,

@CounsellorTroi

What do they talk about though with so few interests?

I know people who work but have few interests outside of that other than going to the gym, shopping and socialising.

They talk about things that happened in their lives at length, about other people, celebrities, and the weather. They forget what they said last time and do it over again every time you meet.

@Lostthetastefordahlias

But for plenty of women raising children is an excuse not to work.

Curious about this comment @CounsellorTroi - what sort of work are these women avoiding? Are the children well looked after? Do you have children yourself out of interest? I know some people hold the opinion that some women have children for the financial benefits but that doesn't seem to be what you are getting at?

No, don’t have children. Couldn’t have them. I mean that some mothers stay st home because they simply prefer it to being in the rat race, dealing with office politics etc. I know some women who never went back to work after their first child, aside from short stints in the hospitality industry, and their children are all grown and left home now. If they’d wanted to go back to full time work they would have.

Many years ago, whilst still a student, I had a boyfriend, who was keen to marry me.
His USP was "you wouldn't have to work".
Having spent a week at his place, when he was working, I decided that this was a bad idea.
Put me off marriage for at least 20 years!

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

I always wonder on threads like this how people will cope when they retire.

The reality of a job is somewhere you have to go x days a week, work x hours to get x amount of money. The reality of retirement is that you get to do what you want - go to the cinema ,wake up and decide to go out for lunch that day, see friends, do yoga, holiday abroad several times a year, do lots of mini breaks, do bugger all, sit and watch a box set ....retirement is so much fun!